For those of you who enjoyed Installment #14 brought to you by Seamus through the miracle of canine seance, here is another update.
Our intrepid red-haired friend contacted me early this morning, very distressed by the latest pronouncements of his witless and sadistic former master whose obsession with revisionist history borders on neurosis. Scratch that. If blew right past "neurosis" on its way to "complete meltdown for all to see".
As long as we're rewriting history and doctoring the record, Seamus rightly reasoned, could he please write Mitt out of his life, and recast the role of "master" with someone human, someone who sees dogs as beloved companions rather than as rooftop luggage?
Sadly, only Mitt has the right to retroactively reinvent himself, leaving his victims no similar options. Apparently, when it's your "turn", this kind of magical thinking is all part of the executive benefits package.
Thus spurned, Seamus is doubling down, sharing another iteration of his master's many shortcomings as seen from his own unique perspective inside the secretive Romney household. So without further ado, please give it up for Seamus, and as always, feel free to add to this shelf-paper-long list of the Innumerable Flaws of Mitt.
A for afraid: how I felt every day
Wondering what Mitt would do to me turned my hair gray
B is for barking, a "no-no" chez nous
Even though it's what dogs 'round the world get to do
C is for car trips, for most dogs, they're fun
But ours were a nightmare; I should have just run
D for despair as I realized too late:
That a life of abuse would be my awful fate
E is for eating; they let me do that
But as stingy as they were, I'd never get fat
F for the fur that I shed (as dogs do)
But Ann was still mad (that bitch just had no clue)
G for the gardeners; I loved those nice guys
But Mitt fired them all with delight in his eyes
H for the horses; when they'd been worn down
Ann drugged them and sold them to folks out of town
I for ice water that flows in Ann's veins
Maybe Mitt likes cold women; he never complains
J is for justice: will it come at last?
As Mitt's future is ruined by sins of the past?
K for the Kossacks reporting this stuff
Keep it up, my orange friends! We must call Mittens' bluff!
L is for love, which Mitt held in reserve
From his family and me - what a helluva nerve!
M is for money; the love of Mitt's life
More important than me or his kids or his wife
N for neurotic; it's true what they say
Irish setters are dogs that are just drawn that way
0, the outsourcing of my canine care
From feeding to walking to brushing my hair
P for pet lovers who treat their dogs well
They'll will wind up in heaven while Mitt heads for hell
Q is for quiet; Mitt yelled at each kid
For any outburst or fun thing that they did
R, "retroactive", what utter bullsh*t!
Just what you'd expect from a liar like Mitt
S for Santorum; I know, he's a creep
Man on dog? What the hell? Now I really can't sleep!
T is for taxes; I've seen Mitt's returns
And all I can say is: "Teh Evil; It Burns!"
U unemployment; Mitt cheers when it's high
And the workers all languish; their families all cry
V for the victims of Mitt's evil deeds
I know what they've been through; my heart truly bleeds
W for women; Mitt doesn't care much
For their input, their worries, or even their touch
X for the exits that whizzed past my brain
As Mitt drove without stopping, no thought to my pain
Y for my youth, when I should have been free
To frolic and play; that was taken from me
Z is for zero; Mitt's score on the test
Of true character based on the dog who knows best.