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Wow.  This is real, folks.  Jon Stewart connected the dots.  And he only needed three total dots to connect Michele Bachmann to al-Qaeda, after the first part of the opening segment looked at the HSBC money laundering scandal.

That Bachmann can move.  I think she's like that bus in the movie Speed.  If she slows down too much, her mouth explodes with stupidity.

Seriously, if you want to be that circuitous, you could probably connect almost anyone to Islamic terror.  Even Michele Bachmann.

Bachmann.

The name Bachmann is also the name of a company that makes pretzels.  The very snack complicit in the failed 2002 assassination attempt on George W. Bush, when he choked on a Bachman pretzel.  If that assassination had succeeded, it would've prevented Bush from invading Iraq and killing Saddam Hussein, who, though unconnected to the 9/11 terrorists, fought a war with a country whose border also touches the country the 9/11 attacks were launched from.  This is really hard!

All right, let's try and do this in a simpler way.  Ah!  Earlier in the program, we learned the bank HSBC works with al-Qaeda.  If there was some way to connect the Islamic terrorist money financiering bank directly to Michele Bachmann, let's say, through a 2008 campaign donation.

(audience "oooohs")

Let's look at the chart again.

(wild audience cheering and applause)

....

Hmm.  Maybe there should be an investigation.  Not to mention one more piece of unsettling evidence.  Michele Bachmann is married to Marcus Bachmann.  And I think we all know he's hiding something.  (audience laughter)

That his name is an anagram of Arab's Man Muncch.

(shocked audience laughter and applause)

Video and full transcript below the fold.

Let's turn to happier news.  Remember Congressman Anthony Weiner?  If not, let me refresh your memory.  This is his cock.

That's his cock.  Yep.  My apologies if you have one of them HD-3D TVs at home.  Probably just knocked a lamp off your table.

Anyway, it's been around a year since that scandal broke, and he and his wife, Huma Abedin, just posed for a lovely story in People magazine about how they've moved on with their lives.  And you know what?  Good for them.  Especially for her.  What a terrible, tough year for both of them, and now things are much better, they have this beautiful baby, it's just wonderful.  It's nice.

ANDERSON COOPER (7/17/2012): Representative Michele Bachmann and four of her Republican colleagues in Congress are calling for an investigation. ... They point fingers at this woman, Huma Abedin, Secretary of State Hillary Clinton's deputy chief of staff, implying that she may be somehow working on behalf of the Muslim Brotherhood.
Oh my God.  It's the perfect cover.  An America-hating Muslim extremist gets a high-profile stringent background check job with the former First Lady, marries a pro-Israel Jewish guy, and begins producing Muslim Zionist terror baby armies.  Has 9/11 taught us nothing, people?

All right, slow down Stewart, don't panic.  This is Bachmann we're talking about.  I know it's been thought out very reasonably.  (audience laughter)  Let's hear her evidence.

ANDERSON COOPER (7/17/2012): Let's start with Abedin's father, ... professor of social science, and the founder of the Institute of Muslim Minority Affairs in Jeddah, Saudi Arabia decades ago. ... Professor Abedin's institute had the support of another man named Dr. Umar Abdallah Nassif who is a former general secretary of another group called the Muslim World League.  Bachmann says that according to the Pew Forum, the Muslim World League has a history of, quote, "being closely aligned and partnering with the Muslim Brotherhood."

That is fucking airtight.  We've got to throw this one up on the board.

All right.  So her dad, who has now unfortunately passed away a long time ago, knew a guy a longer time ago who used to know another guy who might have had something to do with the Muslim Brotherhood.  It's like six degrees of people who don't eat bacon.

Let's see Michele Bachmann explain this theory to CNN's Dana Bash.

7/18/2012:

DANA BASH: Hey, Congresswoman, how are you?

MICHELE BACHMANN: Sorry, I can't right now. I'm....

DANA BASH: I just need to ask you about, Senator McCain was just on the Senate floor and he said that what you're doing...

MICHELE BACHMANN: I'm sorry, I can't right now.

DANA BASH: ... going after Huma.

MICHELE BACHMANN: I'll be happy to... you but I can't do it right now.

DANA BASH: Can you... can you do an interview with us later?

MICHELE BACHMANN: Yes, yes, I've got a... to get this --

DANA BASH: All right.  Thank you.

"I can't go right now.  I've gotta, just up or down, I don't know, it's just the stairs, and then I, just, bye!"

That Bachmann can move.  I think she's like that bus in the movie Speed.  If she slows down too much, her mouth explodes with stupidity.

Seriously, if you want to be that circuitous, you could probably connect almost anyone to Islamic terror.  Even Michele Bachmann.

Bachmann.

The name Bachmann is also the name of a company that makes pretzels.  The very snack complicit in the failed 2002 assassination attempt on George W. Bush, when he choked on a Bachman pretzel.  If that assassination had succeeded, it would've prevented Bush from invading Iraq and killing Saddam Hussein, who, though unconnected to the 9/11 terrorists, fought a war with a country whose border also touches the country the 9/11 attacks were launched from.  This is really hard!

All right, let's try and do this in a simpler way.  Ah!  Earlier in the program, we learned the bank HSBC works with al-Qaeda.  If there was some way to connect the Islamic terrorist money financiering bank directly to Michele Bachmann, let's say, through a 2008 campaign donation.

(audience "oooohs")

Let's look at the chart again.

(wild audience cheering and applause)

I don't know, man!

Let's try it again.  Here's Huma Abedin's Islamic terror connection.  Let's take a look.

Here's Michele Bachmann's.

Hmm.  Maybe there should be an investigation.  Not to mention one more piece of unsettling evidence.  Michele Bachmann is married to Marcus Bachmann.  And I think we all know he's hiding something.  (audience laughter)

That his name is an anagram of Arab's Man Muncch.

(shocked audience laughter and applause)

We'll be right back.

Jon then looked at more of Mitt Romney's tax returns.
Meanwhile, after mentioning Fred Willard's arrest for lewd conduct, Stephen also talked about the LIBOR scandal, and had on New York Times reporter Dave Leonhardt to discuss it.
He then looked at Canada's economic growth.

Stephen had on EPA director Lisa Jackson, and Jon had on Washington Post columnist E.J. Dionne, which went long.  Here's the whole interview in two unedited parts.
Part 1
Part 2

Originally posted to BruinKid on Fri Jul 20, 2012 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by DKOMA and Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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