I've been a Democrat ever since the atrocity of '04, with Swiftboating; I was already Anti-Bush, but that really shook me off of the "politics as usual, both sides are the same" raft. But it was 2008, I needed a job, and there was a temp position as a cage clerk with one of the companies that handled the RNC direct mail efforts then. I only lasted there a few days, but I walked away with a number of observations that shaped my views of the Republican Party.
Looking back at these old notes, which I had to scrounge to find, I'm impressed how many of them are no longer shocking to me. I see this level of idiocy or cold-hearted activity every day on the internet now. But I didn't visit political websites then. I visited gaming websites then.
Anyway, without further ado... My third diary is a lazy rewrap of my four-year-old observations. Proceed past the squiggly. 2008 me is in blockquotes, 2012 me is not.
Moderate Republicans Who Don't Write Much: Never has a simple checkmark next to "taxes should be lower" made me happy before. You, with your lack of verbosity and mere ideological differences without unrestrained hatred, single-handedly made the day bearable.
Christian Republicans: I know you think you're saving people by putting those pamphlets in the envelopes instead of money, but did you realize that since the mail is charged to the addressee, all you're really doing is draining your party's coffers? I mean, not that I mind personally being liberal and all, but really. We keep a bucket just to hurl those things in. No one reads them.
Michael P. Ennis: I am so, so sorry.
What am I sorry for? I don't remember. Who is Michael Ennis? I found
this, but it ain't ringing any bells.
Bigots: If I ever need a reminder that racism isn't dead, I'll just remember your notes. "God bless you, John, you're the only one that can save us from that Islam sand [BLACK PEOPLE] [GAY PEOPLE] turning this country into the next Canada." (Paraphrased, but only slightly.)
Beneath that rugged maple exterior lies the beating heart of Islam. Or something. All 1.9% of Canadian Muslims.
The idea that I would ever need a reminder that racism isn't dead now is laughable. Also, as a note, I'll be throwing in substitutes for slurs; even reproducing the words of others, I dislike using them.
Conscientious and Verbose Republicans: Christians, expatriate Repubs who are independent, what have you, you people that write sincerely and at length about how:
1) John McCain has personally touched your life
2) The Republican party has lost track, but here's how to fix it
3) How you will give the $2300 if only the McCain campaign adopts ___ platform
4) Palin is just so cute and if you could only get a picture of her (USE THE INTERNET LIKE EVERYONE ELSE LOOKING FOR PORN)
Stop. Just stop. The really wordy among you not only actually cost your party money, you're pissing in the wind. It was really depressing, actually, to see so many heartfelt sentiments get tossed into the trash at an average rate of 1 per 10 seconds or less. "Best birthday wishes John McCain!" No, show us the money.
I feel a little twinge when I see the "wish Barack a happy birthday!" ad. I hope someone there actually reads that stuff. Asking for a picture of Palin seems especially unbelievable today; she's prominently featured on the covers of how many books? Three? Four? More?
Of course, they're not all flattering. Link leads to Eilene B's store, I'm fond of her Mooselini design.
Especially on an actual 'survey' meant to gauge the party's feelings. Nuh-uh. That survey was just a fundraiser in disguise. If you donated less than $100, your survey got entirely thrown out. And I'm pretty sure the ones that we kept aren't going to get read, we just needed the address segment on it to send more mail at the big spenders.
Also, we don't care if your family member just died. We also do not honor requests to not send mail unless they are sent with a check that is at least $50. Those get thrown in the trash.
After Citizens' United, this makes even more sense; clearly, they didn't speak up enough.
Bigots, Part II: Really, nuking Mexico. You -really- think that that's a good idea, nuking a friendly nation with which we share a large border. To solve an immigration problem. Uh-huh.
Really Old Republicans: Learn to use a typewriter or get an attorney or something. We had to toss out a few checks simply because no one in the office could actually deciper... anything on the check, presumably because your hands are so shaky. It's great you care so much even so late in your life, but your effort was in naught.
I feel kind of like a jerk writing this about what was clearly a labor of love for some old people. ... I'll assume they weren't bigots because the writing wasn't legible enough to tell.
Bigots, Part III: Afghanistan is not next to Quebec. So, no, the Taliban doesn't slip nightly between the mountainous borders of the two countries, and there are no further steps we can take to secure the open border. (Seriously, QUEBEC?)
This one still astounds me. It came on two or three crammed solid pieces of college-ruled notebook paper. I didn't have the time to read it closely, because we were timed, but I wish I'd found a way to smuggle it out. Quebec. Next to Afghanistan.
Seriously?
People Angry About Getting Fundraiser Mail: Your multi-pound contraptions, often held together solely with duct tape, designed purely to cost the Republican Party as much as possible on postage, were the hilarity highlight of the day. Even - especially - that guy who stuffed in 3 pounds of paper which were essentially him handwriting out his screams of rage that the Republican party has nominated an extreme left-winger like McCain. (? What the hell? I'm sorry Hitler wasn't a valid candidate?)
I'd completely forgotten about this. In retrospect, the fact that the grand old party found room to move rightwards these last four years should have been less surprising to me.
Oh, and the Union of Concerned Scientists? I have no idea why you addressed a pamphlet to John McCain, but I like the window sticker. I'm putting it in my car tomorrow.
I never did use the window sticker. I was worried what my mother would say about the butterfly on my rear windshield. SCIENCE! or no SCIENCE!
I am aware this is probably very similar at the Democrat side of things, substituting Bigots with PC Police and such. However, I wasn't filing those for nine hours.
And now I find myself wondering - is it really all that similar on the Democratic side, not caring what people write, just their cash? I hope not. I really hope we're a bit better than this. And I can't believe I used a phrase like "PC Police" back then.
This next one is a letter I wrote from memory as accurately as I could when I was on lunch break. It was short, and worth it.
"Senator McCain,
I am an information man. I had done my reserch [sic] and found out something that will let you win the election. That [BLACK PERSON]'s middle name is not 'Houston', it's 'Hussein.' That's right, he's ISLAM. Top secret information just for you from your buddy Jose. [Editor's Note: We can see that bigotry is not limited to white people.] With this proof that he Islam and trying to destroy AMERICA, you going to win for sure."
In retrospect, now that I am older, I realize that Jose could have been a Spaniard, rather than Hispanic-Latin American. I have no clue; it's been too long since I read the original letter. That was final tidbit of gold before I was fired - oddly, not because I sorted too slow (though they yelled at me for that), but because I didn't know where the refrigerator was.
I got fired today for not knowing where the refridgerator was.
I put my lunch in the personal lockers because I was unaware that there was a break room with a refridgerator. Roaches were found today. I was blamed for it. This is only the second day I've brought lunch, and my third day of work.
All of my food in my lunchbox is individually wrapped and tied and I zip and velcro the bag up. The roaches weren't even anywhere near my locker.
I don't know why I insisted on a 'd' in my 'refrigerator.'
So! Anyone have experience not working on the Dark Side?
Clearly, I was looking for work in Alderaan places.