A conservative friend of my husband sent me this email today. The subject line read "Funny but true for some . . . " Here it is in total.
Ha!
Top 12 Reasons to Vote Democrat
1. I voted Democrat because I love the fact that I can now marry whatever
I want. I've decided to marry my German Shepherd.
2. I voted Democrat because I believe oil companies' profits of 4% on a
gallon of gas are obscene, but the government taxing the same gallon of
gas at 15% isn't.
3. I voted Democrat because I believe the government will do a better job
of spending the money I earn than I would.
4. I voted Democrat because Freedom of Speech is fine as long as nobody
is offended by it.
5. I voted Democrat because I'm way too irresponsible to own a gun, and
I know that my local police are all I need to protect me from murderers
and thieves.
6. I voted Democrat because I believe that people who can't tell us if
it will rain on Friday can tell us that the polar ice caps will melt
away in ten years if I don't start driving a Prius.
7. I voted Democrat because I'm not concerned about millions of babies
being aborted so long as we keep all death row inmates alive.
8. I voted Democrat because I think illegal aliens have a right to free
health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and we should take
away the social security from those who paid into it.
9. I voted Democrat because I believe that businesses should not be
allowed to make profits for themselves. They need to break even and give
the rest away to the government for redistribution as the Democrats see fit.
10. I voted Democrat because I believe liberal judges need to rewrite the
Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never
get their agendas past the voters.
11. I voted Democrat because I think that it's better to pay billions for their oil
to people who hate us, but not drill our own because it
might upset some endangered beetle, gopher or fish.
12. I voted Democrat because my head is so firmly planted up my ass,
it's unlikely that I'll ever have another point of view.
He added a little blurb about how Obama was a failure and Romney was our only hope, yada, yada, yada. I know everybody likes to blow off steam, we have our stupid-republican emails too, but every time he sends me something, I debunk it and then I don't hear back from him until he gets another one which he sends without checking. So I decided to go tit for tat. Feel free to use this if your crazy republican brother-in-law sends it to you.
Top 12 Reasons to Vote Republican
1. I voted republican because I love the fact that I get to marry anyone I want but "those people" don't have any rights because, well, because I just don't like them and people I don't like don't have any rights.
http://www.aclu.org/...
2. I voted republican because I believe oil companies are going to take their billions in profit and give me a break.
http://money.cnn.com/...
3. I voted republican because I believe the government should give tax breaks only to the wealthy.
http://www.epi.org/...
4. I voted republican because Freedom of Speech is fine for me but if anybody disagrees with me, they're trying to take my freedom of speech away. (Per Sarah Palin)
http://www.ranker.com/...
see #10
5. I voted republican because I need an assault rifle with a 100 round magazine to go deer hunting.
http://www.usatoday.com/...
6. I voted republican because I don't believe in climate change and besides, Jesus would never let anything happen to the earth.
http://www.huffingtonpost.com/...
7. I voted republican because women are too stupid to make any decisions about their own bodies.
http://www.politifact.com/...
8. I voted republican because I've been told that democrats think illegal aliens have a right to free health care, education, and Social Security benefits, and I don't know how to use a fact checker.
http://www.factcheck.org/...
9. I voted republican because I believe that Obama is a socialist. I heard it on the radio/read it on the internet/saw it on Fox News/all of the above.
http://www.politifact.com/...
10. I voted republican because I believe conservative judges need to rewrite the
Constitution every few days to suit some fringe kooks who would never
get their agendas past the voters.
http://www.reuters.com/...
11. I voted republican because I don't know that oil is a global commodity and if we drill more, OPEC will drill less, and oil will remain the same price.
http://content.usatoday.com/...
12. I voted republican because my head is so firmly planted up my ass I actually believe Rush Limbaugh, Sean Hannity, et al, are reliable sources of info. Furthermore, I don't want to know otherwise.