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Eugene Delgaudio is that batshit gift that keeps on giving. For those of you who haven't had the pleasure of being introduced to this precious man, allow me to give you a very brief run-down. Where to start? Well, he's completely fucking insane. He also happens to represent the Sterling District on the Loudoun County, Virginia, Board of Supervisors, so he's on on the public payroll. In addition, he is the executive director of the Public Advocate of the United States, an SPLC-certified anti-gay hate group. I would link you to their website, but I refuse--you can Google it on your own. Delgaudio is notorious in my mind for writing this on behalf of the Public Advocate (to prevent computer damage, please do not drink any liquids while reading the following blockquote):

One stormy night I drove to a mailshop hidden deep in a nearly deserted stand of warehouses. I'd heard something was up and wanted to see for myself. As I rounded the final turn my eyes nearly popped. Tractor-trailers pulled up to loading docks, cars and vans everywhere and long-haired, earring-pierced men scurrying around running forklifts, inserters and huge printing presses. Trembling with worry I went inside. It was worse than I ever imagined. Row after row of boxes bulging with pro-homosexual petitions lined the walls, stacked to the ceiling. My mind reeled as I realized hundreds, maybe thousands, more boxes were already loaded on the tractor-trailers. And still more petitions were flying off the press. Suddenly a dark-haired man screeched, "Delgaudio what are you doing here?" Dozens of men began moving toward me. I'd been recognized. As I retreated to my car, the man chortled, "This time Delgaudio we can't lose." Driving away, my eyes filled with tears as I realized he might be right. This time the Radical Homosexuals could win.
Well, Delgaudio is back. And yep, he's still battling the "Radical Homosexuals." Is it any surprise that his current cultural battlefield is Chick-fil-A? Like, really...he actually physically went to a Chick-fil-A to demonstrate in support of their anti-gay views. All by his little lonesome. With a bag of Chick-fil-A food and an American flag. And a very badly misspelled sign. But the fail doesn't end there.

Not only did Delgaudio misspell "Chick-fil-A," the company he is trying so desperately to defend (I mean, Christ, can't he just look at the sign? He's on the property anyway), but he also misspelled his own freaking website. He also apparently doesn't have any idea how this whole "buying stocks" thing works. Specifically, that a company has to be...you know...publicly traded in order to buy stocks in it. After launching into a badly-worded defense of Chick-fil-A and urging everybody to eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner there, he called on everybody to buy stocks in the company. As gleeful as a giggly schoolgirl, Delgaudio snorted:

My goodness, that'll really upset those homosexual lobbies, wouldn't it?
MUWAHAHAHAHAHA! YES! YESSSSSSSSSSS, MY PRECIOUS!!!

One problem. Chick-fil-A is a privately-owned company. There are no Chick-fil-A stocks. They're as non-existent as Delgaudio's brain.

Watch the moron:

Way to go, Delgaudio. You made a spectacle of yourself with a sign that looks like it's been scrawled on by a preschooler, and you swayed your braindead followers (all three of them) to go looking for Chick-fil-A stocks. They're still looking, I'm sure.

I believe this video clip is appropriate here:

Oh, Delgaudio. As they say down here in the South...bless your heart.

Originally posted to Chrislove on Thu Jul 26, 2012 at 02:05 PM PDT.

Also republished by Angry Gays, Milk Men And Women, and LGBT Kos Community.

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