Well, mirabile dictu! Mitt's creating jobs! Of course, they're all for British cartoonist, pundits, bloggers, talk show hosts, and comedians, but when the world's teetering on the edge of a financial meltdown, we can't afford to be picky!
After last night's absolutely fabulous Olympics opening ceremony, we've certainly addressed Mitt's concerns that somehow the event would be a shambles on par with his own hapless performance. Every Londoner could rightly give Mitt a proper kick in the "backside" and send him packing to Israell where I'm sure that his brand of folksy humor will meet a much more welcoming audience. Or not.
With today's installment of The Innumerable Flaws of Mitt, we're starting with Flaw #442. Speaking of which, there's a sharp-looking Oldsmobile 442. for sale on Ebay Motors for a mere $342,000. Since Mitt's out of the country and probably too busy to place a bid, I've gone ahead and placed one for him, knowing how much he loves classic cars.
Wait, what? He doesn't care about American cars? He wanted Detroit to go bankrupt? Wow. My bad. Let me go see if I can pull that bid before it's... Uh, oh. Too late. Well, this is embarassing! But it's my problem, not yours, so let's go ahead with the next batch of flaws.
A for Americans tarred with Mitt's brush
If only he's learn the true meaning of "shush!"
B is for Boris, the colorful mayor
Who lambasted Mitt in the large public square
C is for comments best kept under to himself
But Mitt is unfettered, a blathering elf
D is for Downing Street; Mitt's photo op
When it comes to promotion, Mitt simply won't stop
E for Elizabeth, long may she reign
We're sorry, your majesty; Mitt's just a pain
F for the fireworks; the were just great
The kind of great outcome that Mittens must hate
G is for gracious; how we should behave
Mitt's gaffes made Victoria turn in her grave
H is for horses; Mitt says he cares not
For watching Rafalca who cost him a lot
I is for island; Mitt's insult to Brits
Let's send Mitt to Elba; I hear it's the pits
J is for jet-lag, which Mittens may blame
For messing up every world leader's real name
K, kosher delis where Mitt will not see
A ham on rye sandwich or nice BLT
L is for loudmouths, abhorred the world o'er
Mitt seems to forget what God gave him ears for
M for mistakes and mis-steps and mis-cues
These gaffes give advisers a case of the blues
N, Netanyahu, Mitt's new BFF
What will he tell Bibi that's crass and tone-deaf?
O for Obama, beloved by the Brits
Donations for him will be larger than Mitt's
P is for Poland, where Mitt will wow folks
With tacky pronouncements and insulting jokes
Q for the Queen; her fun entrance with Bond
Embodied the humor of which Brits are fond
R for Rafalca who's deeply depressed
Mitt doesn't like horse dancing, he has confessed
S for SHUT UP! What we yell when we see
Mitt's latest installment on cable TV
T is for travel; it takes some finesse
Or one can wind up in a terrible mess
U for uncouth and unfair and unkind
Just three adjectives that Mitt's words bring to mind
V for the voters; they sure don't feel proud
When they hear the things Mitt and Ann say out loud
W for Wailing (I don't mean the Wall)
It's how his advisers react, one and all
X, expectations: Mitt's own were quite low
But everyone else really loved the whole show
Y for the years it will take us to mend
Our "special relationship" with our dear friend
Z is for Zionists; Mitt makes them frown
As soon as they see he's just shaking them down
Now it's YOUR turn; we need all hands on deck
I can't be expected to track all this dreck
Where Mitt is involved; your indulgence I ask
For help with a truly Sisyphian task
So add to the list, whether rhyming or prose
And let me say "thanks" ere this diary I close!