From the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…
Oh! More Things I know---Olympics Edition:
The amount of coverage a sport gets on NBC is directly proportional to the amount of skin that will be flashed in that sport.
If the synchronized divers dressed up like Thelma and Louise and pretended they were going off the cliff, I bet they'd get bonus points for originality.
Congratulations to Herman Cain, who won the gold medal in electrified fencing.
I once performed on the balance beam. Then the club owner fired me and that was the end of my brief career as a professional stripper.
Javelin thrown at the 1968 Olympics
If a spectator gets speared by a javelin, they get to keep it as a souvenir.
Ronald Reagan coached the U.S. hockey team to an upset over the Soviet Union during the 1980 Olympics. (Source: Conservapedia)
I figured out Bob Costas' beauty formula: one-third Nivea skin cream, two-thirds embalming fluid.
If I was an Olympic swimmer, I'd secretly install a propeller in my ass.
The Brits feel a tiny pang of sad when they hear our national anthem, which is basically a ballad about how we humiliated them in a game of "Capture the Flag" during the War of 1812.
Shuttlecock! Shuttlecock! Ha Ha Ha! It's a funny word!
I used to go through a gymnastic routine that involved backflips and sumersaults and maneuvers that required Herculean feats of flexibility. Then I wised up and bought a backscratcher.
Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]
Cheers and Jeers for Thursday, August 2, 2012
Note: A quick heads-up that there will be no C&J on Monday as I'll be recovering from the trauma I plan to experience Sunday when I realize I've inched leapt another year closer to death, decomposition and damnation. (Quoth the devil: "You taste like chicken, but at least not like that Chik-fil-A crap.") Back Tuesday with buckets of sunshine!
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By the Numbers:
Days 'til the standard registration price for Netroots Nation (June 20-23 in San Jose) goes up: 13
Days 'til the 21st annual Midwest Reggae Festival in Cleveland: 9
Amount health insurance companies will pay out in rebates---averaging $151 each---this year to customers because they didn’t spend 80-85 percent on medical care: $1.1 billion
Rank of Vermont, Alaska and Alabama among states getting the highest health insurance rebates: #1, #2, #3
(Source: Dept. of Health and Human Services)
Number of questions Mitt Romney took from the press during his European trip: 3
(Source: MSNBC)
Percent of top 40 songs from the 1960s that are written in a major key: 85%
Percent of top 40 songs from the 2000s that are: 43%
(Source: Harper's Index)
U.S. Olympic Medal Count:
Gold: 12 Silver: 8 Bronze: 9
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Your Thursday Molly Ivins Moment:
Their first week in office, the Bushies claimed the Clintonites had taken the W's off White House computers, glued the drawers together and committed other vandalism---all of which turned out to be a big fat lie. Why that didn’t tip the media off about what kind of people they were dealing with is unclear to me.
Tell you what’s not Clinton’s fault, and that’s the shape this country is going to be in by the time we get rid of this administration. In addition to the fiasco in Iraq, Bush’s larger contributions to misgovernment include a blinding fiscal irresponsibility that has put this country deep in debt for years to come.
---July, 2004
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Puppy Pic of the Day: [Ding dong!] "Who is it?" "Land shark…hee hee…"
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CHEERS to the Badass-in-Chief. While Mitt Romney was flitting between countries on his "Cluelesspalooza" tour, President Obama was busy making the world safer from terrorism:
"Am I seeing things or is that
porn on bin Laden's bookshelf?"
The number of worldwide terror attacks fell to 10,283 last year, down from 11,641 in 2010 and the lowest since 2005, the State Department reported today.
What's made the difference? The State Department cites the May 2011 killing of Osama bin Laden and other top al Qaeda members killed last year including Atiyah Abd al-Rahman and Anwar al-Awlaki, who was the head of Yemen's Al Qaeda affiliate and had ties to the underwear bomber plot in 2010. "The loss of bin Laden and these other key operatives puts the network on a path of decline that will be difficult to reverse," the report stated.
Moral: if you want to make the world a safer place, vote for Democrats. Although, to be fair, there's one number the president will never bring down: bogus political attacks by Republicans.
CHEERS to a class act. Happy birthday to Peter O'Toole, who turns 80 today. I was bummed when he announced his retirement from acting last month, but he sure leaves behind a wealth of performances that never fail to mesmerize. And extra mojo for being able to make me laugh without lifting a finger. In the DVD player this weekend: why, Lawrence, of course.
CHEERS to order in the court. "The arc of history bends towards justice," said Martin Luther King Jr., who added, "But first do you mind if we bend it over to the Dairy Queen for a few minutes?" My point is, things just got arcy bendy on gay rights:
Judge Vanessa Bryant helps bend
the arc of history towards justice
Another court has overturned the anti-gay Defense of Marriage Act, ruling in Pedersen v. Office of Personnel Management that “no conceivable rational basis exists for the provision.” Judge Vanessa L. Bryant, a district judge in the Second Circuit appointed by President George W. Bush, therefore ruled that DOMA “violates the equal protection principles incorporated in the Fifth Amendment to the United States Constitution.”
House Speaker John Boehner used taxpayer money to hire a legal team to fight on behalf of homophobia, and Judge Bryant had some unkind words for the way they played fast and loose with the facts. Meanwhile, a
gay marriage plank is getting stripped, buffed, waxed and oiled up in preparation for getting drilled into the party platform at the Democratic convention in North Carolina. I hope someone remembers to bring the Barry White CDs.
CHEERS to great inventions. On August 2, 1887, Chester A. Hodge of Beloit, Wisconsin received a patent for barbed wire. Or as Wisconsin Governor Scott Walker calls it: gift wrap.
JEERS to much ado about nothing. I doubt you'll ever hear about this on Fox News, but if you have any Republican border-fixated relatives, this might give 'em a little heartburn:
Despite insistence from GOP leadership that the White House was behind the so-called “Fast and Furious” gunwalking program, a report from House Republicans released Tuesday names five officials at the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, and Firearms as culprits in the misguided effort. All five were reassigned before the release of the report---the first of three. The indictments in the report contradict House Speaker John Boehner’s (R-OH) insistence that the President invoked executive privilege over the Justice Department’s information on ongoing investigations to protect his personal interests.
It would appear that one more Darrel Issa investigation has gone
boom in his lap. It's yet another example of why it's so important to keep Republicans distracted by golf. They waste time and suck.
Oh my. He's gonna get the boot.
JEERS to the worst escape artist in the world. Some guy here in Portland didn’t atone for his parking violations, so the cops clamped the dreaded "boot" to his tire the other day. The twenty-something then got the brilliant idea to remove the tire from the car with the boot attached, replace it with his baby-size spare tire and, in his most ingenious act of tracks-covering, he moved his car exactly
one block down. The quick-thinking and sharp-eyed police officers on the beat found the car, had it towed away, and now the escape artist, instead of owing $70 bucks in unpaid parking tickets, will now have to fork over
upwards of $1,000. (The last line of the
Portland Press Herald's story is classic: "There was no word on the original tire and wheel that had the boot attached.")
Moral of the story: um...don’t do that.
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Six years ago in C&J: August 2, 2006
CHEERS to throwing the bums out. Good morning, Kansas! Don't ya just love the smell of reality-based book learnin' in the morning...
Conservative Republicans who brought international attention to Kansas by approving academic standards calling evolution into question lost control of the state school board in primaries. As a result of the vote, board members and candidates who believe evolution is well-supported by evidence will have a 6-4 majority. Evolution skeptics had entered the election with a 6-4 majority. [...] The most closely watched race was in western Kansas, where incumbent conservative Connie Morris lost her GOP primary to Sally Cauble.
By the way, Connie Morris is the board member who said evolution was an
"age-old fairy tale" and "a nice bedtime story" unsupported by science. Let's see, what are the words you say when a fairy tale or a bedtime story is over? Oh yeah...
THE END
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And just one more…
CHEERS to the cranky old scribe. I can't say I've read much Gore Vidal (my loss, I admit), but I know he gave conservatives fits and his Sassoon line of hair care products is top notch, so that's good enough for me. When he expired at 86 Tuesday, he'd lived a good long life and left a legacy that will keep us going back to his intellectual well for a good long time. Here's a smattering of vital Vidal:
1925-2012
"Style is knowing who you are, what you want to say, and not giving a damn."
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[On George W. Bush, in 2002:] "Mark my words. He will leave office the most unpopular president in history."
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"The four most beautiful words in our common language: I told you so."
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"The United States was founded by the brightest people in the country---and we haven't seen them since."
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"A good deed never goes unpunished."
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"You know, I've been around the ruling class all my life, and I've been quite aware of their total contempt for the people of the country."
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"In writing and politicking, it's best not to think about it, just do it."
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"Liberal comes from the Latin liberalis, which means pertaining to a free man. In politics, to be liberal is to want to extend democracy through change and reform. One can see why that word had to be erased from our political lexicon."
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"The Republican Party is fundamentally crooked and might well be outlawed one of these days."
His lips to God's ears. And I hope Bill Buckley's within earshot.
Enjoy your Thursday. May you have fair winds and following seas. Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?
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Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:
Bill in Portland Maine Believes George Soros Leads A United Nations Conspiracy To Eliminate Golf
---Think Progress
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