Mitt Romney and his silver spoon slobbering minions must be idiots to allow this tax thing to stretch out so long. Anyone who can't figure out how to put a spike in this issue is not fit to hold the Nuclear Football. Who wants to see a guy whine? I'd respect him a little if at least managed to get his Magic Underpants in a twist, and fight back effectively. Even my Republican partners can't stand this simpering Bataan Death March on cable news every night.
If Romney and his crew of cretins had a half a brain between them, this is what would Mittens say, on national TV, during something everyone who is likely to vote in November is watching (like Jersey Shore):
Hello, America. I'm Mitt Romney. You recognize the hair, right?
You are probably getting sick of this tax return story. I know I am. Let me tell you something. I'm a very rich guy. Filthy rich, in fact. Guilty as charged.
So what. Most politicians, on both sides of the aisle, are very rich. John Kerry buys his suits from the same custom tailor as I do. We pass each other on our yachts, and share bottles of Grey Poupon. Does anyone not know this?
We can play the class warfare distraction game from here to the end of time, but that won't solve our problems with the economy. It's only a distraction. There's something wrong when the Senate majority leader is talking about this stuff from the well of the Senate when we can't even pass a farm bill to help our poor drought stricken farmers before the filthy rich members of the Senate head off to Martha's Vineyard, Hawaii and points South - Very wrong.
Listen up America. I ain't giving up any more tax returns. Not one. Why? Because I don't have to - and I won't. Get over it, Harry. You know as well as I do that, if I do, the DNC will pick over each return and string this out until November, finding investments to criticize, or legal deductions and loopholes that my very expensive accountant found to save me something on my taxes - things that you can't claim because you're not as rich as I am - like leg wraps for my dancing horse, or hair gel. Don't like the loopholes? Elect people who will change the tax code. In short, I'm not gonna do it. So there.
Harry Reid says I don't pay my taxes. That's news to me. I pay my taxes. I'd be breaking the law if I didn't. If I broke the law, I should be indicted. So here's what you do, Harry. If you have evidence that I haven't paid all of my lawfully required taxes, get off your wrinkled ass, leave your room in the Ritz-Carlton, and schlep that information over to the IRS. While you're at it, tell President Obama that I asked him to direct the IRS to investigate me and, if they find anything, to indict me for income tax evasion - on National TV - and then frog march me out of my Malibu mansion in manacles. Otherwise, shut the eff up. Thank you, good night, and God Bless America.
At least he would have done
something. That would probably be the end of it. But no, he's not smart enough to figure out how to stop the bleeding, and anyone who can't figure that out is questionable for the position of Leader of the Free World.