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Just received an e-mail from Michelle Obama asking me to sign a "birthday" card for President Obama.

Well, as any self-respecting "Tea Partier" knows, President Obama has no real birthday. There's proof. Since the alleged "birth certificate" that he and his campaign keep trying to present as proof of his U.S. citizenship is a forgery, there's no telling what day his actual birthday is. Or...if he even has one.

Since there's no proof that the President was actually born anywhere, least of all in the U.S., the larger question that keeps going unnoticed and unreported by an obviously complicit national press corps is...

...does he really even have a birthday at all?

You see, if the president has no birthday, that actually solves everything. It's a slam dunk. He doesn't actually exist. And...if he doesn't exist then, obviously, any logical, rational thinking person, as all Tea Partiers fancy themselves, must come to the same conclusion: he is not our legitimately elected president.

As a hard-core "Constitutionalist," while there is nothing in the Constitution that actually states that a person has to actually exist in order to become president...there are strong historical precedents to indicate that that is a requisite. Even by the rigorous intellectual standards of literalistic Constitutionalists and Tea Partiers, that is established precedent which cannot be undone.

So, to sum up: The President doesn't really have a birthday by virtue of the fact that there is no birth certificate that's ever been presented nor could ever be presented that will actually be accepted as legitimate. Therefore, if no birth certificate can ever be presented proving the president to be a U.S. citizen by birth then, ergo, he has no birthday.

Which is further proof that Michelle Obama, who is trying to hoodwink everyone into believing the president is a U.S. citizen and actually has a legitimate birth certificate because he allegedly has a birthday by virtue of some bogus birthday card that she's conveniently manufactured (hint: the birthday card's a fake, too, since there's no official documentation as to its veracity (and no notarization, by the way))...has been in on the conspiracy all along. other words...since the President has no birthday, he doesn't exist. What further proof does one need that he's not our legitimately elected president than the fact that he doesn't exist?

(P.S. Not to pour more gasoline on this theory that he doesn't exist, but, have you ever noticed that Barack Obama could be mistaken for one of those characters in a video game which, using the most advanced computer graphics imaging, creates the illusion of him being an actual human being? Am just asking.)

(P.P.S. Hopefully, someone will share this with Michelle Bachmann, so she can be sure to use the full power and resources of the Congress of the United States to fully explore this matter.)

(P.P.P.S. Does the fact that Michelle Bachmann and Michelle Obama share a first name strike anyone else as being somewhat...odd and coincidental? Well...thats a whole separate issue worth exploring at another time.)

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