Welcome to Cheers and Jeers: Awards Edition Plus Monday! Since Bill in Portland Maine is taking a day off to recover from his birthday celebration yesterday...
Because Sunday is my birthday and I intend to spend it sitting on my birthday ass, you will not have my C&J column to read on Monday. Consider it my gift to you. Back Tuesday with photos of my new liver spot that looks like the Virgin Mary.Now I'm all for the Blessed Virgin Mary, but in Christian lore, her birthday (minus original sin, mind you) is celebrated on September 8. Only the Medjugorje nuts would tell you it's August 5th. All I can say, is Happy Birthday, Mary, and as for your liver spots? Try a little lemon juice.
Who else has birthdays on August the 5th? Let's look:
courtesy of historyorb.com:
1397 - Guillaume Dufay, Franco-Flemish composer and theorist (d. 1474)Need I go on? You've probably only heard of one or two of them, but we've all heard of Bill in Portland Maine. Happy birthday, and many blessings on your Virginia Slims! You've come a long way, baybee!
1624 - William, Jamestown Va, 1st black child born in English America
1749 - Thomas Lynch, signer (Declaration of Independence)
1802 - Niels H Abel, Norwegian mathematician (Abel's Comparisons)
1827 - Deodoro da Fonseca, first President of Brazil (d.1892)
1830 - James A Healy, 1st black bishop in America
1862 - Joseph Merrick, the "Elephant Man" (d. 1890)
1876 - Mary R Beard, Indianapolis, historian (Woman as a Force in History)
1890 - Erich Kleiber, Vienna Austria, conductor (NBC Symphony 1945-46)
1906 - John Huston, Nevada Mo, director/writer (African Queen, Chinatown)
1923 - Richard Kleindienst, attorney general (1972)
1930 - Neil Armstrong, Wapakoneta Ohio, X-15 pilot, 1st Moonwalker (Gemini 8, Apollo 11)
1930 - Michal Kováč, President of Slovakia
1935 - John McCartan, St Paul Minn, ice hockey player (Oly-gold-60)
1941 - Leonid Denissovich Kizim, USSR, cosmonaut (Soyuz T-3, T-10, T-15)
1946 - Loni Anderson, St Paul Minn, American actress (Jennifer-WKRP in Cincinnati)
1956 - Maureen McCormick, Encino California, actress (Marcia-Brady Bunch)
1962 - Patrick Ewing, Kingston Jamaica, NBA center (NY Knicks/Olympic-gold-92)
Speaking of birthdays this weekend... Happy Birthday to the President of the United States, who celebrated his on Saturday. Here's what Michele Bachmann said to wish him a happy birthday:
from a real fundraising letter:
By raising $51,000 in the next 24 hours we can help ensure that President Obama doesn't have another birthday to run our country into the ground. Visit this link to sign President Obama's birthday card and make a contribution after towards a more conservative America. Thank you! -- MicheleYou can read the rest in Aubrey Innelman's diary here. Brave Mr. Innelman is challenging Bachmann--in a Republican primary.
Now in honor of our Birthday Boys, Awards Edition Plus continues, with a Moment of Silence from AEP Editor Lenin Cat, the News of Dubious Veracity Department featuring a link to a Kossack diary for the first time ever in Awards Edition Plus and while everyone is on vacation, including AEP, an Archive Edition of the Cartoon Department featuring a cartoon by AEP Editor and Daily Kos front-pager ericlewis0 .
Follow me into the cesspool of snark below the orange bubble of effluence for your one-stop snark shop which is.... Awards Edition Plus
Awards Edition Plus Editorial
by Lenin Cat, AEP Managing Editor
A Moment of Silence.
At a Sikh temple yesterday, a number of people were shot and killed. Sikhs are peaceful people, highly moral, and dedicated to the equality of all regardless of social standing, economic status, or religion.
As a Marxist, I should be mocking religion. I will not mock religion today. Today I stand with the overwhelming majority of decent people in this world who stand against senseless terrorism and violence and the kind of society that values bullets over healthcare and guns over butter, and carries out these values on the streets of America. There are those in the media who will, inevitably, call this domestic terrorist "just another bad apple". It probably won't be long until someone suggests that "if only the Sikhs in the temple were all armed" it could have been avoided (of course all male Sikhs are armed). Brace yourself for another exercise in tastelessness from the right and empty sentiment from the left.
While we don't know the motivations of the shooter in this case, let's have a moment of silence. I learned the hard way, revolution does not have to be bloody, and it bloody well should not be ignorant, racist, xenophobic and senseless. Let's have a moment of silence for our own ignorance, violence, militarism, avarice, greed and the perversion of our own humanity.
No wonder I was reincarnated as a cat.
News of Dubious Veracity Department
via farlketoo, Daily Kos:
Washington insiders are reporting that an unnamed source has released a 2008 McCain Campaign, Vice Presidential, Vetting Committee video of Governor Mitt Romney. The video shows Governor Romney answering questions in front of the vetting committee while hooked to a polygraph (lie detector) machine. The Vetting Committee was reportedly not impressed with the results which lead to them eventually recommending Governor Sarah Palin for the position.read more, it's delicious.
Awards Edition Plus Cartoon Department, Archive Edition
We're all on vacation in August, right? To anticipate the upcoming Party Congresses--um, Conventions--here's a gem from the AEP archive by Awards Edition Plus Cartoon Editor ericlewis0:
And now a word from our sponsor:
Buy Lobster! It's Cheap and pissing off the Canadians!
And of course, wash it down with plenty of
You Can't Make This Sh*t Up Department
Ugh. Boehner has a boner.
"I'm feeling better. I'm feeling better," he told reporters. "Our team's in pretty good shape. Our members have worked hard. Frankly, our candidates and challengers out there, a lot of them have been through tough primaries. And I feel good about where we are as a team."Let AEP break that down for you...
I'm feeling better. Really, I'm not going to vomit again. Give me some more Pepto and a cigarette, " he told his nanny Mara Liasson. "I'll be alright. I'm going to the toilet again, put Rush on".HuffPo:
Boehner said House Republicans still have "a lot of work to do" to make sure they keep their seats, "but our team is doing well."Boenher then made another mad dash to the loo...after which he addressed an Ohio Kindergarten class calling them "the best and brightest rising stars on the GOP Congressional horizon."
The Golden Douchenozzle Award
The Golden Douchenozzle Award is given periodically for rank hypocrisy and general asshattery. This week's nominees are:
Michele Bachmann, who is either ignorant of grammar or wants her supporters to think that donating to her campaign will bring about the actual demise of the President.
Scott Walker who's "heart goes out to the victims". That's out of one side of his mouth. Out of the other, of course, he's balls to the wall for shooting first and asking questions later.
The Powers that Be in Anaheim How do you deal with peaceful protesters? Send in the marines.
Mitt Romney, who continues to make trouble for himself by not releasing his tax returns, and who's surrogates think it's perfectly acceptable to suggest that the President is a Kenyan Marxist or suggest that there's a Muslim Brotherhood sleeper-cell in Congress but shudder at the idea that someone like Harry Reid could, you know, play hardball in an election year.
NBC Apparently, journalism of any kind eludes these folks, but jingoism is alive and well in the coverage of the Olympics. Also, really poor taste.
Who gets the award? Tell us in the poll, or nominate your own douchenozzle of the week in the comments.
Thanks for reading. The kiddie pool is open, the water is warm (how'd it get so warm?). What are you cheering and jeering about today? Do share!