If you were a teen or child of the 80s you certainly had your fill of television. It was most of ours babysitter.
Sandwiched in between episodes of G.I. JOE and Transformers and whatever else was on after school, some of you may remember the "Brought to you by The Jesus Christ Church of Latter Day Saints" commercials.
A series of three in particular are suddenly highly relevant...
Oh Mittens, were you to busy corporation raiding to practice what your "church" preaches...See what I'm talking 'bout Willis, after the orange linguini.
WHO BROKE MY WINDOW????
This little number sends the message to the viewer that "Telling the truth isn't going to be easy."
But in the end... the boy confesses and is told by the formerly miffed Mr. Robinson, "I am proud of you child for you have displayed honor, the stuff of which heroes are made!"
Guess, that never stuck with Mittens.
Never Tell A Lie
This one has a cheerful classroom singing a song that includes these gems:
"My teachers said I should never tell a lie because a lie will bring me trouble by and by" and "You'll feel bad and start to cry." "You'll feel so bad you'll wish that you could lay right down and die." "A Horrible pounding in your head..." Truly Tell-Tale Heart stuff with a bow on it.
So Mitt, is your head pounding, are you turning red, do you have a lump in your throat? I'm guessing, no. You are an expert by this now, aren't you?
Which leads us to my favorite of all time...one that I have remembered since the first time I saw it and one that is particularly apropos for our little Mittens...folks I bring you:
If you tell one Lie!
A young boy makes his way to his house and through a voice over, we hear his thoughts..."How can I go to that movie...I know, I'll have to go to Jim's to finish a science project - That's a good lie LIE LIE LIE"
Suddenly, men dressed in I guess, gangster clothes with flashlights jump out and sing
When ya Tell one lie, it leads to another
Then ya Tell Two lies to cover each other
Then ya tell three lies - oh brother - you're in trouble up to your ears!
So you tell four lies to try to protect you
Then you tell five lies, so folks won't suspect you
Then you tell six lies and then you collect
A Life full of worries and fear!
Soon you lie and lie without even trying
Every lie you tell will keep multiplying
Then you'll be suspected, rejected despite and you should -
When You Lie You're Closing the door on everything Good!
(Like the Presidency, Mitt.)
The boy, surely freaked out by all the dancing and Oompa Loompa type lyrics, in a fit of jazz hands induced guilt, runs to his mother and confesses and states he'll never lie again!
Wow...if this doesn't need to be politically remade to hit a nostalgic note with a certain generation today to hit Mitt where he's most vulnerable...I don't know what does...hell...maybe I'll do it myself or one of you awesome people can.
Meanwhile...Keep piling the lies Mitt, if ya tell one lie it leads to another....
Trust me you'll be humming it later - political earworm!!!!