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Last night, Jon Stewart had a great piece detailing the scam that is the GOP's voter ID laws, and shows with correspondent Jessica Williams that it's really just a way to make it harder for minorities and other non-Romney voters to actually cast a ballot.

States are spending millions of dollars to combat voter fraud through strategies like purging voter rolls and requiring photo IDs, even though a study by a group that supports the law, the National Republican Lawyers Association, which by the way, if you ever just want to smoke some cigars and play some golf with some real douchebags... (audience laughter) they're your guys.  Anyway, they said this.
ROLAND MARTIN (7/9/2012): The National Republican Lawyers only found 340 of voter fraud over a ten-year period in all of America!
OH MY GOD!!  That's almost... (does the math) 0.7 cases per state per year!  And it also includes registration fraud, like registering at the wrong address or writing Mickey Mouse on a petition, which photo ID would not address, but still, AHHHH!!

Even Pennsylvania, which is now defending its photo ID law in court, said this.

JOHN AVLON (7/25/2012): The state admits that it is "not aware of any incidents of in-person voter fraud in Pennsylvania".  In addition, the state says it has no evidence to prove that "in-person voter fraud is likely to occur in November 2012 in the absence of the photo ID law".
"I rest my case, your Honor.  It doesn't happen, this won't stop it, I think you can see why we have to do it now.  Next up, leash laws for unicorns!"

(audience cheering and applause)

....

Now I seem to recall at this conference that I attended recently at the conservative think tank Heritage Foundation, where columnist John Fund was speaking about an actual real voter fraud problem.

JOHN FUND (8/7/2012): Every time you see a truly massive coordinated effort at voter fraud, it usually involves, in part, absentee voting.
Oh.  Well that's weird.  Why are they emphasizing the voter ID part, then, and not the absentee ballot part?
JOHN FUND (8/7/2012): It is a fair argument of some liberals that there are some people that emphasize the voter ID part and ignore the absentee ballot part because supposedly Republicans like absentee ballots even more, and they don't want to restrict that.
I guess it would be a fair argument, or as it is sometimes also called, justification for a lawsuit.

....

The only thing more blatant would be if you had some Republican state rep. in Pennsylvania touting how voter ID laws would hand the election to the Republican.

PENNSYLVANIA STATE REP. MIKE TURZAI, R-ALLEGHENY (6/23/2012): Voter ID, which is going to allow Governor Romney to win the state of Pennsylvania, done!
(disgusted audience reaction)

"No one is videotaping this, right?  Because I'm going to look like an asshole."

....

JON STEWART: So, what if, through a concerted effort, those groups are able to obtain these photo IDs necessary?

JESSICA WILLIAMS: Not to worry, Jon.  There are some new regulations introduced that will further battle this rampant voter fraud.  For instance, if you would like to vote, you'll be matched against this, OK?

You'll have to fall in the non-voter fraud color range, somewhere between Venetian dream and toasted meringue over here.

Video and full transcript below the fold.

Let's begin tonight with America, folks.  These are troubled times in this majestic land.  But there is one problem in our great country which stands out, perhaps above all others.
RICK FOLBAUM, FOX NEWS (7/27/2012): Voter fraud.  How big of a problem?  Do we know how big of a problem it is?
I'm gonna say it's bigger than ringworm, and less than Bieber fever.  Actually, I didn't even know we had a voter fraud problem in this country.
JOHN FUND (5/31/2011): We have a voter fraud problem in this country.
I stand corrected.  Is it proven?
TEXAS ATTORNEY GENERAL GREG ABBOTT, R (7/15/2012): It's a proven problem.

FOX NEWS (4/20/2012): ... a serious threat to our democracy ...

Well I hope we have our best people on it.
ERIC SHAWN (7/29/2012): Now to the Fox News Voter Fraud Unit.
(audience laughter and applause)

Or just some people.

Yes, conservatives and their media division are up in arms over voter fraud, and this year, almost entirely in swing states with Republican-controlled legislatures, they are doing something about it.

KRYSTAL BALL (7/26/2012): A lot of these states, swing states in particular, have passed voter ID and voter suppression laws.

THOMAS ROBERTS (4/5/2012): ... new voter ID laws in the states of Florida, Texas, Tennessee, Kansas, Wisconsin ...

Pennsyltucky!  Arkanbama!  Florilina!  Michconsin.  And New Ohio, or Newhio.  I made those up!

States are spending millions of dollars to combat voter fraud through strategies like purging voter rolls and requiring photo IDs, even though a study by a group that supports the law, the National Republican Lawyers Association, which by the way, if you ever just want to smoke some cigars and play some golf with some real douchebags... (audience laughter) they're your guys.  Anyway, they said this.

ROLAND MARTIN (7/9/2012): The National Republican Lawyers only found 340 of voter fraud over a ten-year period in all of America!
OH MY GOD!!  That's almost... (does the math) 0.7 cases per state per year!  And it also includes registration fraud, like registering at the wrong address or writing Mickey Mouse on a petition, which photo ID would not address, but still, AHHHH!!

Even Pennsylvania, which is now defending its photo ID law in court, said this.

JOHN AVLON (7/25/2012): The state admits that it is "not aware of any incidents of in-person voter fraud in Pennsylvania".  In addition, the state says it has no evidence to prove that "in-person voter fraud is likely to occur in November 2012 in the absence of the photo ID law".
"I rest my case, your Honor.  It doesn't happen, this won't stop it, I think you can see why we have to do it now.  Next up, leash laws for unicorns!"

(audience cheering and applause)

It's very odd that Republicans are throwing money at this problem that seems to have very little factual evidence behind it.  Because I can think of another issue that has, perhaps, a larger body of scientific work behind it that they are somewhat reluctant to tackle.

MITT ROMNEY (10/27/2011): We don't know what's causing climate change on this planet, and the idea of spending trillions and trillions of dollars to try and reduce CO2 emissions is not the right course for us.
What we need is a global warming investigation unit.  Fox?

Oh.  When was the last time somebody checked on George?

Now I seem to recall at this conference that I attended recently at the conservative think tank Heritage Foundation, where columnist John Fund was speaking about an actual real voter fraud problem.

JOHN FUND (8/7/2012): Every time you see a truly massive coordinated effort at voter fraud, it usually involves, in part, absentee voting.
Oh.  Well that's weird.  Why are they emphasizing the voter ID part, then, and not the absentee ballot part?
JOHN FUND (8/7/2012): It is a fair argument of some liberals that there are some people that emphasize the voter ID part and ignore the absentee ballot part because supposedly Republicans like absentee ballots even more, and they don't want to restrict that.
I guess it would be a fair argument, or as it is sometimes also called, justification for a lawsuit.

So if [not] restricting absentee ballots seemingly helps Republicans, who does requiring photo IDs target?

MARA SCHIAVOCAMPO (7/24/2012): It will specifically impact more heavily groups like minorities, the poor, elderly, students.
Yes!  Finally, the free ride for this country's minorities, poor, elderly, and students is over.  No more living on Easy Street for people who are already living on Skid Row.

The only thing more blatant would be if you had some Republican state rep. in Pennsylvania touting how voter ID laws would hand the election to the Republican.

PENNSYLVANIA STATE REP. MIKE TURZAI, R-ALLEGHENY (6/23/2012): Voter ID, which is going to allow Governor Romney to win the state of Pennsylvania, done!
(disgusted audience reaction)

"No one is videotaping this, right?  Because I'm going to look like an asshole."

JON STEWART: For more, we turn to Senior Voting Correspondent Jessica Williams in PA.  Jessica, nice to see you.  Ah, let me ask you a question.  It seems pretty clear these new regulations focus disproportionately on minorities and the poor.

JESSICA WILLIAMS: Yeah, Jon, that's right.  Definitely.

JON STEWART: So, what if, through a concerted effort, those groups are able to obtain these photo IDs necessary?

JESSICA WILLIAMS: Not to worry, Jon.  There are some new regulations introduced that will further battle this rampant voter fraud.  For instance, if you would like to vote, you'll be matched against this, OK?

You'll have to fall in the non-voter fraud color range, somewhere between Venetian dream and toasted meringue over here.

JON STEWART: I see, OK.  Well, how are people supposed to keep up with all these different regulations, then?

JESSICA WILLIAMS: It's all in the new swing states' handy voter's guide, You Might Be An Eligible Voter If...

JON STEWART: I get it.  It's like the old Jeff Foxworthy "you might be a redneck" gag.

JESSICA WILLIAMS: Exactly.  In fact, one of the rules is that you have to get that reference to be eligible to vote.  So you're off to a good start, Jon.

JON STEWART: OK.

JESSICA WILLIAMS: Here's another one, OK?  If you have a favorite Meg Ryan movie, you might be eligible to vote!  And here's another one.  If you've ever spoken to a police officer voluntarily, you might be eligible to vote!

JON STEWART: I get this!  Let me take a crack at this.  If you own more than three polo shirts, you might be eligible to vote!

JESSICA WILLIAMS: What?  Are you saying black people can't afford polo t-shirts, Jon?  That's really racist!

JON STEWART: No, I was just... I thought we were... I was just going along with the game, and it seemed the rules....

JESSICA WILLIAMS: Naw, I'm just fucking with you, Jon.  I'm fucking with you.  Having to own three or more polo shirts is actually Rule #9.

JON STEWART: Well, it's an awful lot for people to absorb.

JESSICA WILLIAMS: Well, you could always just follow the new general guidelines against voter fraud in these swing states.  If you're black, or poor, or elderly, or not going to vote for Mitt Romney, stay the fuck at home!

JON STEWART: I got it.  Thank you, Jessica.  Jessica Williams, everybody.  We'll be right back.

Jon then looked at the news over a U.S. Olympian's boner.

Meanwhile, Stephen covered just how big a douche the Papa John's CEO is being by raising prices due to what he claims is Obamacare.

He then had another Cheating Death segment about some new advances in pills and facelifts.
Stephen then mocked that anti-gay idiot who tried to set Cheerios on fire outside General Mills headquarters, and failed miserably.
Jon talked with comedian Chris Rock, and Stephen talked with Washington Post journalist Liza Mundy.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Thu Aug 09, 2012 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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