I'm putting aside my campaign for a couple of hours, putting aside the politics of the day, putting aside work and family obligations. I'm posting this on a Friday night in the hope that that deliberately poor time selection will in some minor way dilute the self-indulgence of what I've written below. I've tried to put the stuff that is not only self-indulgent, but also boring to anyone but DKos geeks, in blockquotes.
Here's the occasion -- the day that has been looming is here at last. This is my 1000th diary.
N.b., that's "my" as in that of my pseudonymous avatar "Seneca Doane" -- the real-life me at the keyboard has posted another 222 as "Major Danby" (from Sept. 2005 through December 2007); another 13 (back when multiple accounts were more tolerated) as "Greg at Carter for Nevada" in the the election season of 2006; and another 6 writing under "Ron Shepston for Congress" in the fall of 2007. (But, let's face it, one's 1241st diary is no special cause for celebration.) I had planned to start blogging as "Greg Diamond" (see UID 300000) by now, but after I decided to run for office it seemed better to wait until after the campaign has ended (and probably the end of the year.)
I love (and am sentimental about) milestones, but this one has arrived at an inconvenient time -- a busy time for both my job and my campaign -- and I have no one to blame for that but myself, of course. (I didn't
have to write all of those diaries at this pace -- and there's surely some that I shouldn't have written at all.)
I had promised myself that when the time came I would take an evening (or so) of putting aside everything else except for the opportunity to reflect on what spending the past 5-1/2 years as "Seneca Doane" on Daily Kos has meant to me. So here we are.
I don't think that I would be who and what and where I am without this blog - both for better and for worse. This is where I've poured out my spirit for almost seven years. If I wanted someone to understand me now or after I'm gone, this is where I would send them. (Tough luck for them, perhaps, but it would have been their fault for asking!) I used to be one of relentless purveyors of "meta" on ths site; with great apprehension, I return this evening to that role, hoping not to make a habit of it.
The Boring Statistics (which you can certainly skip)
I don't know how many of you ever click the "People" tab up there at the top, but I've done on occasion; it's like the yearbook of this site through which I sometimes like to page. That tells you statistically where I am in this incarnation as a blogger. I did it again in preparing this. As promised above, this will bore the retinas off of some people, so I'm moving to blockquotes now: engage!
I'm the 50th most recommended diarist in the site's history at present, though among people at around that level it has taken me the most diaries to amass them. (A few days ago, when I started composing this, I was placed between The Troubadour and Something the Dog Said, which seems pretty appropriate for me. Now the schmuck has lept up five places! RenaRF and "Miss Laura" Clausen are now just ahead of me.) Add the ones from Major Danby and I'm less than a dozen ahead of Bob Johnson for 33rd place. It's easy to amass diaries and comments if one wants to sacrifice quality, but that "most recommended list" is hard to advance through.) Anyway, this is pretty good company to keep. It makes me feel like my time has been well spent.
About two out of each 12 of my diaries have made the Rec List (compared to two out of 15 as Major Danby). I'm usually surprised when they make it and occasionally surprised when they don't; I've learned not to try to understand the ways the dice roll here. Changing to a more lurid headline sometimes helps. I'm not above that.
There's no list of Kosters by number of comments -- perhaps that not to encourage us to blather too much -- but between the two accounts my total is in the mid-63K range, below Meteor Blades at 68K and plf515 at 64K and just ahead of slinkerwink and TomP at 62K and 61K (both soon to pass those.) I'm sure that Armando must have more comments than I do between his two accounts and there are some people who take part in community diaries that have more still, but I'm pleased with this (somewhat obsessive) company.
I'm have published the 30th most diaries on the site (between the accounts, about as many as Vyan, which again I like) and 37th from this account only, just ahead of Steven D and KingOneEye. Kaili Joy Gray just blew by all of us with her own 1000th diary. Again, that's welcome company.
I'm Top 40 in mojo, but I can't figure out how that's calculated, especially as several of the top 200 are banned.
I have the 33rd most followers here, bunched just behind people like JekyllnHyde and Eclectablog, just ahead of people like Democratic Ramshield and FishOutofWater. Again, delightful company. My losing my followers if and when I do switch accounts is oddly saddening to me and I will probably make a big deal of trying to convince people to go with me when I switch. It's fair that it happen, though; it's sort of like moulting.
The point of reporting all of these numbers is not to brag. (These numbers are as likely to be embarrassing as points of pride -- and, again, I expect to reset them to zero in a few months.) I do so to put myself in the context of those other boldfaced names, next to whom I've been happy to serve (so to speak) on the top political blog in the world. I'll set this group of bloggers up against pretty much anyone else.
What the numbers show (if you've skipped them, which for most of you I hope you have) is that, like my friends and peers, I've put an
awful lot of my intellectual and social and political effort into this place. I'm sure that that choice can be rightly questioned -- in fact, I'm not sure that it can be rightly
defended -- but it's something that I wouldn't change. It's the calling that I've felt. My peers up there (whether I deserve to be among them or not) made this such a place to be called -- as have many many others who value quality of their diaries and comments (and friendship and supportiveness) above quantity. (I won't even try naming them beyond my more or less "littermates" of
clammyc and
occams hatchet. And blue aardvark, you don't totally suck either.)
So now having established "what" and "how many," we move to the question of "why."
WHY
I'm sure that this trichotomy wouldn't stand up to scrutiny -- as has been true, I've regularly been told, of most of the categorization schemes I've dreamed up over the years -- but sometimes I think that my comments and diaries fall into three main categories. The first two are (1) trying to teach people things (something for which I used to get paid and am still somewhat surprised that I don't and (2) engaging in (attempted) witty repartee and snarky jokes in comments. That's a big part of my blogging experience. I love teaching and I love being taught; I crack myself up sometimes and other people regularly crack me up worse. But it's the third category of comment worth mentioning that I find interesting as I analyze my time here.
(Yep, I'm going to make you wait another couple of paragraphs for it.) We all have our own self-appointed roles here. Some people do community diaries, some community/teaching diaries, to make this a more welcoming and cohesive place. Some of us defend socialism; others the Democratic Party. Some defend their race, ethnicity, gender, sexual orientation, often with the vigor and meticulousness not often seen outside of academia. Some of us fight trolls; some of us are trolls (but even some of those are tolerated if they show insight and good humor while they challenge us. Some of us want everyone to get along; others want people to fight. Some post photos, some post poetry; some post obituaries and remembrances; some post their own stories; some history, some biography, some science, some art. A lot post on politics. Some people, bless their hearts and fingers, try to organize it a bit better.
You have to stand back sometimes and just marvel at how amazing it all is.
Some people focus on local issues, which is really exciting. (Seriously, has any group outside of Wisconsin, for example, understood what was going on there better than Daily Kos has? The Al Franken recount? The first race where Bill Owens won in NY-23? It's insane how much you can find here if you look!) Some post on discrete topics; some post on meta. Some of us don't focus at all -- or like me they have several areas of major focus (remote phone banking, anyone? Or, even less successfully, the Toussie pardon scandal?) and a slew of minor ones along with some one-offs.
It's amazing to look back at the list of diaries I've written here -- both its clumps and its diversity -- and it's amazing to browse through what others have written as well. When I closed up the Major Danby account, I put up an annotated list of them -- in those days the size restrictions were limited enough that it had to be spread across three diaries. (I didn't even try to do that for this diary. It will take a day or more.)
So those are some of our roles. The one of mine I promised to mention is not unique to me, but it's a special function that is not all that common and, when common, is rarely given out by sensible people for free.
I really like to throw things at the wall and see what sticks.
I love to kibbitz; I love to tinker with ideas; I love the jolt I get when the creative process works. I love initiating things and will often give them away for free. I love being a "memethrower"; I love tossing out an idea to see if someone else might be able to build on it. There's no place like here to make that happen.
I do this out of desperation.
Whoops, my saying that sort of harshes the mood, I realize -- but it's true.
This is not "omigod I'm gonna die" desperation; it's desperation to
help, to
make a difference, to be
useful in effecting social change. There are plenty of opportunities to help out with campaigns, especially if you don't care what credit you get -- someone else will be
glad to take it, thanks! -- and no shortage of dull and conventional people who will try to squelch untraditional politics or messages because it's easier and safer to tread the well-trod path. It's much harder to get a hearing for one's ideas and inspirations -- especially wild ones. ("I'm from the Al Franken and Bernie Sanders wing of the Democratic Party, and yes I know Bernie's not a Democrat.")
But on Daily Kos, you can give it a whirl. You're going to have a tough audience -- but it's one that includes people who know people with the power to take an inspiration and make it a reality. And that has kept me throwing things against the wall until my arms tire and my fingers splay. You see, sometimes the ideas get picked up. Sometimes they end up making a difference. Sometimes the meme succeeds -- in firepower as well as in mere popularity.
Someone with this talent and avocation (I flatter myself by claiming to have talent in this area, but others flatter me too so I think that that's OK) is supposed to work for some place -- an advertising agency and academia may be the prototypical ones -- where the inspirations (many of which will truly suck!) can be decanted for others at the retail, by-the-glass price. That makes me queasy. If you're trying to figure out how to improve the world, be generous with it! (Of course, "being generous with it" also tends to make me relatively poor, but them's the breaks.) My professional and political work these days is more prosaic than once it was, so I truly appreciate this outlet.
One of the most derided and overlooked kinds of diaries here is, I think, they "hey everyone let's consider about doing things this way!" (or the "Person X should really do Y) diary, which is a category that -- recognizing that I'm not nearly as deeply into meta now as I once was -- I don't recall ever having seen be identified as such. (If there's a name for it, it might be the "Not Again..." diary. A lot of ideas, my one included, are clunkers.) But dammit, when I see one of those, I feel a real kinship for the writer. I get them. They're trying to make the world better with their intelligence and their creativity -- and they're willing to put it out there, knowing that it's likely to be derided or ignored -- because of that small chance that when other people look at it they will find it valuable. And if it's valuable, then there's the chance that it's very valuable -- maybe something that truly can change the world.
It's a royal pain in the ass -- but it's also one of the most beautiful and hopeful things about Daily Kos. We really try here -- we try hard. And while all of you who comment and critique and make this place comfy and connected are my people -- you people who just want to come here because of the possibility that ideas can generate chance, can generate goodness, you are "my people" in a very special way. (And with that, leave me alone and don't presume that I'm now your supporter, because I'll probably think that most of your ideas suck too, just as what happens to me.)
Within academia, I was also a "wall-flinger"; it's what I do. I've often gotten students and colleagues pointed towards far better directions than I've been able to do myself. (And I recognize that it's obnoxious as well as useful; one of the great things about Daily Kos is how easy it is, compared to a real-time oral communication, for people to ignore it.) So on this (in my mind) notable occasion, I just want to raise a glass to my fellow wall-flingers and beseech others here to treat them with forebearing kindness.
I also want to take a moment to thank my occasional antagonist Markos
that jerk
because at my most arrogant I could not imagine having been able to do what he has done here. He has his deficiencies in some areas
like being an total asshole much of the time
but the proto-blogosphere was
full; of people with good ideas but he's the one who had the skills and the drive to make them come to fruition. I don't understand someone being able to do what he has done. He may have his limitations, but he knows what they are and he usually provides checks on them, which is a true sign of wisdom. So thanks for the forum, for the possibilities of great things embedded in what this site has become, more than I can express.
And the people that keep Markos from being /too Markos-like sometimes -- I'm looking at you, Susan Gardner and Hunter and Meteor Blades, among others -- and keeping this place on even keel, my deep gratitute to you as well. I'll never really know if my spending so much of my life and mental energy here will have ultimately turned out to be a waste or not, compared to other things that I could have done with my time -- but if it was a waste it was you who made a place that made me want to take that risk.
Now back to the everyday grind. (Burn this letter!) Anyone up for remote phone banking?