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pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
 
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

Outrage over my press secretary's suggestion that a law I once passed may have been of benefit to sick people continues to grow. We are receiving condemnations from all quarters. I have been told that a Fox News guest was so agitated over the gaffe that they nearly died, right there in the studio. I am not entirely sure what is going on, but none of these people seemed to know about my Massachusetts law until the moment my press unit mentioned it, even though I personally quite clearly remember it coming up repeatedly before. Or, perhaps, they just did not realize that the law might have provided actual assistance to someone? By and large these are very stupid people, so it is sometimes difficult to ascertain what they are going on about.

Regardless, we have still not decided how to respond to these accusations that I once tried to provide help to sick people. Our latest idea for quelling party outrage is to promise to introduce a bill allowing all sick people to be immediately fired, thus combining the required cruelty towards sick people with the uproariousness of firing people. The idea has promise, but my staff believes such a bill has already been introduced, possibly by Rand Paul(?), and that it therefore may not be original enough.

In more positive news, my foreign policy training has continued apace. With the help of that Bolton fellow I am now able to inject insults towards other nations into nearly any given conversation. He may be an exceedingly odd person, but I continue to be impressed by his encyclopedic knowledge as to how the various other nations of the world should best be ridiculed.

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