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Mitt's Mission Impossible will be finding someone with human attributes, charismatic charm, swing-state connections, demographic and/or gender appeal, and the willingness to slip their head into an ox-yoke alongside the most loathsome person since Voldemort. Oh, and he needs to get this person on board pronto, as the Hispanics would say. To simplify the task, we've condensed the vetting criteria to handy limerick format. Not it's only a matter of time... and popcorn.

They should be somewhat boring and bland
I'm the boss! Heed my every command
Just shut up, wear a smile
Have nice hair, dress with style
As we campaign across this great land.

It would help if this person were... brown
Why so cynical? What's with the frown?
Are you that out of touch?
I'm not pandering (much)
They're the veep; I'll be wearing the crown

Well, Rafalca's quite brown in a way
And a female, that might hold some sway
She'd be good on the road
And she'd pull her own load
I'll ask her; she would not dare say "neigh"

Maybe female (I must check with Ann
She's in charge of the gender gap plan)
Maybe Carley or Meg
But I'm not going to beg
That's unseemly for such a great man

Or Hispanic - yeah, that might be smart
It would show that I do have a heart
Love their music! Their food
Puts me in a good mood
Enchiladas for all! (That's a start)

Foreign policy streed cred is nice
When I'm rolling those chickenhawk dice
With some Mandarin skill
That would sure fit the bill
But Jon Huntsman? That's too high a price

Economics will surely crop up
While I'm clearly the person on top
A smart budgeting veep
Is someone who could keep
As the scapegoat when stock prices drop

Maybe someone I worked with at Bain
At least then there'd be less to explain
They'd know all about jobs
And those ungrateful mobs
That just seem to complain and complain

There are swing states I simply must win
So my quest for a veep should begin
In Ohio perhaps
Where my campaign staff taps
That guy Portman who says he's "all in"

I will not get the chance to rejoice
And I will not have any real voice
I should find out real quick
Sheldon Adelson's pick
He's the one who'll be making the choice

Oh, Dick Cheney will still get a vote
He's a pretty demanding old goat
Condoleeza said "no"
There are more Bushites, though
And no doubt they'll be rammed down my throat

If I truly could chose my own course
Here's the plan I would swiftly enforce
Cross these folks off the list
And I'd simply insist
That this veep job I'll have to outsource

So excuse me if I seem aloof
And my choice seems just one more big goof
I've a lot on my mind
And I'm starting to find
I feel just like that dog on the roof

Originally posted to cassandracarolina's fossil record on Fri Aug 10, 2012 at 07:53 AM PDT.

Also republished by Indigo Kalliope, DKOMA, and Community Spotlight.

Poll

Who will Mitt (or Sheldon Adelson + Dick Cheney) pick?

22%28 votes
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4%5 votes
21%26 votes
9%12 votes
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3%4 votes
2%3 votes
1%2 votes
4%5 votes
13%17 votes
5%7 votes
1%2 votes
4%5 votes

| 122 votes | Vote | Results

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