In the Intro, I'm going to tell you what this diary is about, so in case you clicked out of curiosity but are rudely faced with what I'm actually writing about and feel grossed out by the content of this diary, you still have a chance to make a quick getaway before I get to the body of the diary.
This diary is about autism, sensory issues related to autism, and poo. There's quite a lot of talk of poo. Fair warning.
So if poo is not something you have any interest in reading about, or autism isn't your thing and you would rather read about Mitt Romney ( I wouldn't blame you that much),
feel free to exit the diary now. If you are still curious, read on, my friends.
This is not an entry for the faint of heart. If you are super-duper grossed out by scatological stories, please skip this one, 'cause it's gonna get gross. The reason I'm posting it is it's one of those thousands of ways that our lives are impacted by autism, ways which no one would ever think about.
Mostly, I'm relaying this story because I think it's hilarious how specialized your expertise can become when you are parenting a child with autism. I really mean this to be a humorous diary, not a "poor me" diary.
Autistic kids have sensory issues, if you are reading this diary you probably already know that. One of Ellie's lately has been a swallowing issue. She likes the sensation of swallowing food whole. It started with Goldfish crackers, and proceeded to raw veggies, which she bites into bite-sized pieces and swallows, and then to nuts. The nuts I get at Costco are quite large, and she refuses to bite them or chew them in any way. They go down the chute much as they came off the tree, sans shell.
Now comes the gross part. First, Ellie is a prodigious producer of poo. She takes after her Papa in that way (He's very proud of her intestinal talent. He takes it as a sign of good health). Not just often, but in quantity as well. Sorry to have to put it to you in that way, but it's relevant.
So we have toilet issues from time to time. Now that we have the nut issue to go along with the sizable poo issue, it is virtually impossible for those suckers to go down the toilet. Sometimes, to cover it up, because I'm pretty sure that Ellie knows what's going down the toilet and what's not, she will unroll nearly an entire roll of paper and put it in the toilet along with the ginormous, nut cluster poo.
The first time it happened I wavered between tears and panic. I was so grossed out, but I fought my revulsion and messily got the whole thing into a bag then into the garbage. (The outside garbage). Then I scrubbed the whole bathroom down as if it were a hot zone, which it probably was.
Now, I have become a master of cleaning up these messes. I'm quite proud of my system. If you don't want to know how much of a domestic Goddess I am, than move along to your favorite YouTube video of cute kitties.
Here is what you will need to clean up a nut cluster poo:
Two (2) plastic grocery bags
One quarter (1/4) roll of paper towels
Half (1/2) a cup of baking soda
A strong stomach, and the ability to hold your breath
Double up the bags. Fill the bags with the paper towels. Sprinkle the paper towels with the baking soda. Don the rubber gloves. Hold your breath. Use the toilet paper already in the toilet to scoop up the nut cluster poo. Squeeze gently. DO NOT OVER SQUEEZE. Place the bundle of joy into the already prepared bags. Tie one bag, then the other. Flush. Flush. Flush
You have now successfully cleared the toilet of nuts, poo, and toilet paper.