Skip to main content

pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
 
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

Tomorrow I will be on a bus! I cannot wait to see my old friend, Mr. Bus, again. This will be a four day tour of Virginia, North Carolina, Florida and Ohio. They have not told me yet how we will be making the trip from Florida to Ohio in only one day and, even more impressively, without passing through any other states, but I can only assume they have installed some wonderful new gadgets on Mr. Bus that allow such things.

Today I visited an Iowa farmer in yet another attempt to bond with the American common folk. I had no idea what farm life was like, but as soon as I arrived, the place felt comfortable and familiar to me. Farmers live in large, disk-shaped towers with panoramic views of the surrounding landscape, have underground washing bays for their personal vehicles, and own convention centers as their side businesses. I can see now why farmers are always described as such hard workers. If these drought conditions continue, farmers will be forced to rely solely on their convention centers for revenue.

We have decided to respond to the crisis caused by my press secretary claiming a law I once passed may have benefitted sick commoners by ignoring it, for now. I have also taken this opportunity to chide the opposing campaign for supporting such scurrilous attacks as to cause my press secretary to claim I once passed laws benefiting sick commoners, and to ask them to behave more like my own, more dignified surrogates—like Donald Trump. My opponent has been using far too many non-wealthy people as surrogates, which is an outrageous way for a campaign to behave.

Still no decision on a vice presidential unit. We have been encouraging the press to write glowing things about how we might perhaps be considering that Paul Ryan person for the position; hopefully, this will somewhat mollify the fellow when we do not pick him, as we most certainly will not if I have any say in the matter. I do not think politics is going to work out well for him in the long run. Perhaps I will encourage him to become a farmer? Living in a disk-shaped house with panoramic views of your owned property, just like the American pioneers of old, seems a pleasant, though austere, life.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site