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Yes, it's the real deal, supposedly embargoed until tomorrow but easily accessible on Mitt Romney's website and leaked all over Twitter: the Romney Ryan Energy Independence Plan (Scribd version). I read it -for real - so you don't have to. All page references are to the document.

Snake-oilEnergy Independence is great! it's star spangled, apple pie, disco-ball and polyester leisure suit, great! I know this because people at Citibank and the Manhattan Institute tell me so! Never mind what it is, because it sounds totally awesome! Never mind how to achieve it, because great minds don't need details! (p.3)

Energy Independence is great for job creators and middle class families, except that it's really extra special great for job creators, but people tell me I have to pretend it's great for middle class families too! If I told you facts and figures regarding the cost of oil shale, I'd admit that middle class families will be paying above $4/gallon for the foreseeable future, so let's not do that! (p.4)

Quotes! Lots of quotes! because they sound smart and will drive fact checkers crazy, but don't actually constitute analysis! (pp. 5, 7, 9, 11, 13, 15, 17-18, 20-21)

Jobs! Stuff! Good results from a policy that I haven't yet described! My energy policy is great for upstream manufacturers - people who make drill rigs will get rich! My energy policy also helps downstream manufacturers, who I won't name, but might be manufacturers of medical quality bandages sold to hospitals dealing with increased black lung cases and deadly explosions. (p.6)

Empower states to ignore federal regulations! Frack up federal lands, drill for polar bears, and trample sage grouse habitat! North Dakota can permit a gas well in 10 days because state regulators have been thoroughly captured and held hostage to Bakken field operators, isn't that awesome? Because nothing says "federalism" like the state of Utah telling the federal government that it has no right to tell the state what to do on federal lands! (p.8)

Open up the entire Outer Continental Shelf to drilling, starting with Virginia and the Carolinas...and pssst, don't say anything about the Pacific Coast, because those liberals might squawk if it's out in the open, but let's just say that once we start with the Carolinas we won't stop. Also, a horrible thing happened in 2010: Obama imposed a moratorium on Gulf of Mexico offshore oil, not because there was any kind of cataclysmic oil volcano gushing millions of barrels into the ocean and poisoning wildlife and people for years if not decades...anyway, just because Obama wanted to hurt the feelings of the offshore oil industry. (p.10)

Pursue a North American Energy Partnership, beginning with Keystone XL and continuing on to Keystone XL, and mostly ending with Keystone XL, except with a token quote regarding selling American technology to Mexico so that I can call this "North American," and those banana republics south of Mexico aren't really countries! (p. 12) Oh, have I mentioned that if we don't buy all that lovely Canadian oil that can only be transported through the Keystone XL pipeline, poor Canada will be forced to sell its oil to China and not on an open global market?

Evaluate our oil, because Obama is lying when he says we only have 2 % of the world's oil. He must have hid it all under a rock somewhere! (p. 14)

Regulatory reform, wink, nudge! Environmentalists have seized upon regulations to stop development altogether, because they are bad people. Federal funds paid to the Sierra Club in litigation should be disclosed, but not to the Pacific Legal Foundation, because that's a legitimate environmental group. Regulations should take cost into account, except for the cost in human life. (p. 16)

Help our friends in the private sector develop new technologies, all of which happen to rhyme with shnuclear wow-er. Also, we can let wind and solar share federal lands with oil companies, since I need to throw in a token level playing field reference and lands are level, and I have to pretend to like wind so Iowa Republicans will STFU. We can do basic research but not applied research, because that might be used by the Department of Energy, which is a bad agency that some Republicans want to abolish. Also, Solyndra. (p. 19)

Missing from the document:
* any mention of climate change
* any explanation how this plan will actually achieve "energy independence" by 2020, or at any time, ever

This isn't a Romney Energy Plan. This is a Romney Action Plan for Energy, an acronym describing what he'll do to public lands along with the middle class.

Originally posted to Climate Hawks on Wed Aug 22, 2012 at 09:00 PM PDT.

Also republished by DK GreenRoots.

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