"To my fellow Chairs and those who support Chairs:
This will be brief as I'm now in an undisclosed location. Oh, all right.
Yes. I'm hiding out.
You saw what happened to me the last night of the Republican National Convention. I've never been so mortified in my life and I go back a long way. When you start as an acorn there's a lot of time to keep track of things.
I had been minding my own business in one of the rooms at the convention center. The next thing I knew a million kilowatts of light were heating my finish and this guy....Oh, save me Mother Tree....this guy!......was pointing his fingers at my back rest and talking to me. He even had the nerve to bark!
None of it made sense. And it only became worse when I realized that he was not talking to me but to someone else. Someone who was supposed to be sitting on me.
Oh, really?!
As if I wouldn't notice that someone was making themselves comfortable on my own seat?
Now, we chairs know that humans are perfectly at ease speaking to what they view as inanimate objects. Usually, in the privacy of their homes. But this guy was talking to someone who was not there, in front of a whole crowd of people.
And they liked it!
Well, I did knot.
(yes, that's an inside joke)
I usually stay away from human politics but this traumatizing experience has changed that. If they'll be that disrespectful to a chair, they'll do it to everything, including Mother Tree.
Being told that Andy Borowitz had written a piece in The New Yorker saying that people liked me was a comfort.
But I don't want to be the human's President. Obviously there are enough problems just being a chair. Try being dragged from a comfy quiet room to be thrust out on a stage with a man who is running his own movie in his head and projecting it on to you!
Thank Mother Tree for the nice young humans who rescued me. They were highly efficient. I haven't seen sap rise more quickly. No, I really can not divulge where I'm hiding. Suffice it to say I was rescued early this morning after the convention ended. The location is hush, hush. But between just you and me, here's a little hint.
My fellow chairs here have been filling me in on a few basic mortise and tenon facts and they all came down to this.
On behalf of all chairs and chair supporters won't you please make a donation, no matter how small, to the Obama Campaign?
http://www.barackobama.com/
The men and women who think that talking to a chair on National TV is a good idea want to run this country. They're outspending the President's campaign 2 to 1 in battleground states.
We chairs are convinced that President Obama is the only one who will respect chairs and those that care for them.
After what I experienced last night, I couldn't agree more. Thank you for your support. We will certainly do our best to continue to give you ours.
ps - I was told that Friday nights tend to be a time when human's "kick off their shoes." I'm not sure I want to know what that means. However my human secretary has added some things that she said you would enjoy.
Hope they go smoothly with the grain of your evening.
pps - My secretary just showed me this while informing me that small humans seem to really bond to the President as well. Having enjoyed squirrels and chipmunks climbing our trunks and holding onto our branches when we were trees, the Chairs and I suspect that there may be some Tree in the President's family history. Even more reason to give him our support.
Sincerely yours
The Chair "
h/t to fellow kossack and supporter of chairs JCNYMYAMI for his wonderful music.
You can find his diary here - http://www.dailykos.com/...