There are 12,290 people named Charlie Brown. Is it too much to ask that just one of them dedicate their lives to becoming an NFL kicker?!
Currently penning my stage play about a fictional meeting between General Tso and General Rommel. "Oh Shit, Tanks" opens off Broadway in February.
Until you start acting like G.G. Allin, you’re not allowed to tell anyone that you “don’t give a fuck.”
BREAKING: Apple is suing an apple tree, citing trademark infringement.
Phones have become the new "There's a cop, quick put down the joint."
Sexting is like reading a porn novel written by two lonely people who failed English in high school.
We should be allowed to fuck the first person we ever had sex with again. Just to show them how good we've got at it.
I could be in trouble for up to 15 different reasons at any given time. Please be specific when confronting me.
I'm expected to buy condoms without trying them on? No, Walgreens. YOU'RE banned for life.