Did gerontophobe Paul 'Marathonless Man' Ryan really climb forty of Colorado's highest mountains? Ryan made the claim in an article published in The Milwaukee Journal-Dispatch in April 2009:
"(My father) died of a heart attack at 55, my grandfather died of a heart attack at 57, my great-grandfather died of heart attack at 59, so I'm into the health thing," says Ryan. He is fairly careful about what he eats, performs an intense cross-training routine known as P90X most mornings, and has made close to 40 climbs of Colorado's "Fourteeners" (14,000-foot peaks).
more after The Orange Croissant Of Post-Modern Confusion
The Atlantic's James Fallows was sceptical and citing a climbing message-board believed his suspicions confirmed:
To have climbed forty and not be a resident means that you would have had to devote entire summers to climbing fourteeners, in essence becoming a "lifestyle" hiker/scrambler. I doubt Ryan had the time or dedication to fourteeners to take the required time out from his political career. Even if you did four a summer, that would be ten summers devoted to traveling to Colorado for the purpose of high altitude hiking. Even if you live here and can drive to the trail heads, forty is a huge commitment of time and energy.
The Romney campaign, alerted to Fallows' story by some well-wisher, quickly got in touch lest the story develop legs and run away with itself...or something. Fallows updated his story thus:
According to an email I received just now from Brandon Buck of the Romney campaign, Paul Ryan did not mean to say that he had climbed "close to 40" of Colorado's 14,000-foot peaks. He was careful to say that he had made "close to 40" climbs. Apparently many listeners may have missed the distinction. [...] But for the record, "40 climbs" rather than "40 peaks" is the official view.
OK, then...we all clear? He did but he didn't; kind of like the way he runs marathons except he doesn't; and the way he abominates deficit-spending...except when he doesn't; sorta like the way he rejected the stimulus...except when he didn't and begged for money from...the stimulus package; a bit like the way he hates the Affordable Care Act...except when he doesn't and pleads with the government for money to open a clinic in his district.
I think we get it: every single word that comes out of Paul Ryan's mouth must, on the evidence we're seeing (and who knows how much more there is coming down the pike? I'm betting a whole lot) be regarded as untrue until we have independent confirmation from at least 5 non-partisan sources and 4 eye-witnesses of previous good character (this means no fake marathon runners or bogus mountaineers, Paulie...OK?).
In the mean time, a source in Athens tells me that while scuba diving in the Aegean, Paul Ryan encountered a dolphin in distress. The unfortunate mammal was having an asthma attack and Ryan kept it afloat, warm and breathing until help came.
Later, the dolphin's grandmother, in gratitude, gave Ryan a map of...Atlantis!
Yes, the fabled sunken city. Ryan says that he went to take a look and it was, in his own words 'Awesome!'. However, he is keeping the location secret just as he promised Granny dolphin.
What a champ! If you know of any heart-warming tales of Ryan's essential goodness or thrilling tales of his derring-do or perhaps of his ventures into the scientific field where his discoveries are set to astonish the world...please share them with your fellow Kossaks.
God bless Paul Ryan. Even if he isn't a great man, he's possibly a great bumper-sticker.
Update: James Fallows has now written an addendum to his story..
It seems to me that the most pertinent section is the following:
Craig Gilbert, of the Milwaukee Journal Sentinal, wrote the original story, back in 2009, about Ryan's mountain-climbing record. He has now written an update and amplification of exactly what Ryan told him then. Here are relevant parts from the original interview:
Ryan: "My mom was very outdoorsy ... We spent our summers doing backpacking trips in the (Colorado) back-country, you know, Snowmass Lake, Capital Peak, spent all our summers doing that ... went all over White River National Forest, just the whole Elk range. I mean I've climbed every fourteener in that range and the three around there ... So I got into climbing fourteeners when I was 12, with my brother, Stan. My mom got us into that."
Question: "How many fourteeners have you climbed? Or how many times?"
Ryan: "38. I think that's my last count."
Question: "Those are just climbing peaks that are 14,000 feet?"
Ryan: "I've done it 38 times. ... I've done 38, but I think the number of unique peaks is something like twenty... no, no it's like thirty or something like that. I counted it up a year or two ago."
Question: "Most of those in Colorado?"
Ryan: "All of them are in Colorado. So I think I've climbed like 28 (peaks), and I've done it 38 times, because I've done a number of them a few times. So I was, you know, kind of into that stuff."
If this is supposed to clarify Ryan's story, it's failed (for me, at any rate); I'm even more confused.