Cross posted from Iron Country Free Press and written by contributor Otis the Cactus*
Just a misunderstanding. This incident was all about next generation, bleeding edge brand torque brought into real time. You know. Setting The Congressman’s brand on a cool trip to exclusivity land.That’s how a PR source close to U.S. Rep. Chip Cravaack (R-MN-NH) is hacking the T-Party Justice meted out to Bemidji State University senior Matt Riddle last Saturday night at a GOP fundraiser in tiny Hackensack, Minnesota.
Riddle, who paid $25 to get in and received permission to tape the speeches for a political science project, was subsequently wrestled to the ground and thrown out of a public restaurant by two goons claiming to be Cravaack’s Secret Service detail, while Cravaack himself chanted “Go Team, Go Team” nearby.
“What you lame-stream liberal media don’t get is that the special attention accorded Mr. Riddle was all just part of his proud initiation into Chip’s ‘Cravaack Core’ of Middle Classers who are generously accepted into the Congressman’s double secret private events, which never ever take place in Duluth,” the source explained.
“Anybody can get into a Rick Nolan event,” scoffed the source. “You don’t even have to be rich. We, on the other hand, initiate Middle Classers into our specially branded Cravaack Core by beating them up and taking their money. Exactly what they’ve come to expect from Chip, who thought of the idea himself while holding Paul Ryan’s feet to the floor during crunches at the House gym.”
Asked whether Riddle would now be welcomed into future Cravaack events, the source threw a punch at this reporter. “Why do you hate America? Go tell that little F*$&! to quit whining and pay his student loans!”
*Originally cultivated by the CIA for the Shah of Iran, Otis the Cactus fled to the United States in 1979 to avoid defoliation by the revolution. He served as executive assistant to head White House tulip B.J. Eddy under President Carter. Exiled by President Reagan, they went on to found the Washington DC consulting firm of Otis & Eddy, where they became responsible for global warming. A noted lecturer and author, Otis’s latest best selling book is: “Tarryl Clark: Invasive Species.”