To all my Yankee friends from here in Soviet Canuckistan, I'm begging you please, I'm down on my knees, PLEASE don't take your foot off the gas.
I know that things are going great right now, and I also know that I'm a perpetual worrier. I worry so much I get worried when I don't have anything to worry about!
But please, run up the score. RUN IT UP. Leave no doubt who the real Commander in Chief is. Leave no doubt that the tired old politics of the GOP are best left to the past and not relevant in the 21st century.
This election is not, by an means, in the bag. Am I confident? You bet your ass I am! Do I think it's a sure thing? HELL no! These undecided voters are the same crowd that elected George W. Bush... TWICE (Well, not really since he stole Florida and Ohio but you know what I mean)
So, I'm begging you please, PLEASE don't take your foot of Romney's throat. Kick him when he's down so hard that c-notes come out! Bust him like a piggy bank Piñata! I want that man and all his supporters crying like banshee babies with a severe case of colic on election night. I want them to keep closing their eyes and opening them hoping against hope that what they're seeing is just some ovaltine induced nightmare!
You tell em the law's comin! YOU TELL EM BARACK'S COMIN, AND HELL'S COMIN WITH HIM YOU UNDERSTAND?!!? HELL'S COMIN WITH HIM!!!
Now that you've listened to my rant please make your way past the RSVP line to enjoy some videos on me.