Welcome to today's edition of Obama Nightly News, on a Sunday in which Romney got absolutely ROTISSERIED on Sunday political talk shows! But we've got enough schadenfreude to go around—tonight I'd like to focus on 5+ reasons why our guy absolutely rocks and should be re-elected. ONN with it we go, beneath the orange cloud (It's beautiful. Look at that thing)...
1. He's vetted.
We know what we're signing up for: a guy who flipped the script on an economy that was absolutely tanking and has done pretty well at turning it around in four years. A guy who loves his family, doesn't get blow jobs from interns, kills more Bin Ladens per capita than Republicans, stands up for gay rights, is prolific with those legislations (if quiet about it, but that's okay, we don't have to be), and is not the kind of guy who likes being able to fire people.
2. He's stress-tested
We don't need a guy who will get his hair caught on fire when the roof is on fire too. Our guy has gotten the 3 AM calls. Plenty of times we know about; presumably plenty of times we don't. What we do know is how he reacts to crises big and small: he's gets his facts straight, makes the phone calls he must, musters the team he needs, and calmly addresses the nation in a measured, appropriate way. He may not live-tweet his daring fire rescues, but every time our roof has been on fire, Obama hasn't let the mothereffer burn. He doesn't shoot first, aiming next. The man can handle the pressure of our nation's highest office, and we need that man black in office for another four years, given the tumult knocking on the world's door these days.
3. He's fun.
Admit it. You'd rather drink an IPA with Obama than Romney. And who would you rather hug? What other President do you know bends down to let little black boys touch his glorious POTUS hair, or makes cool internal meme references like "Not Bad" during his own live AMAs on Reddit, for Pete's sake? ;)
4. He's calm under pressure.
This is a specific instance of being stress-tested. Remember that time he ripped out Donald Trump's heart, Mortal Kombat-style, in front of the entire American press corps while his SEALs were halfway across the world undertaking the most important mission of the decade?
LOLZ. Here, let me remind you:
Gets me every time.
5. A Bunch of Other Stuff
He leads by example. He's a terrific role model. He's loyal to democratic ideals of equality and fairness. He thinks you can change Washington from the outside (participatory democracy, fuckyeah!). He looks like the future (cuz the future is brown like James, baby, oh yea!). He's inspiring. He's a doer, not a boaster. He kept us safe in a tough time.
He's admirable. From today's Leadership Begins with Character, by Elizabeth Gilbert at 90 Days, 90 Reasons:
That night, as my friends and I grew increasingly frothy, dismayed, and screechy about how Sarah Palin = The End of the World, my husband finally turned around from his barbecue and made this comment: “I’ve lived in a lot of places and I’ve seen a lot of things, but never in my life have I seen a more impressive political figure than Barack Obama. He seems more intelligent and dignified than any candidate I’ve ever encountered. I definitely know that he’s more intelligent and dignified than me, and—with all due respect—I believe he’s more intelligent and dignified than anyone sitting at this table. He doesn’t seem at all alarmed about Sarah Palin, so why are you letting it get to you? Follow his example, and calm down.”That's our guy! And you know what's another reason to re-elect the President? Michelle Obama.
In other words: Look to your leader, and emulate his behavior.
This was a radical realization for me. Never before in my political memory had I known a leader whose behavior was so admirable that I might actually like to emulate it. There’d been leaders in my lifetime whom I was fond of, or impressed with, or amused by—but none whom I had ever admired as a role model for intelligent, dignified behavior. I closed my eyes and imagined what it might be like to have somebody in the White House whom one could look to for an example of how to remain calm and thoughtful in moments of crisis, stupidity, or sorrow.
I don't even need to explain this one, but if if I must...
Michelle Obama as FLOTUS makes me wanna get up for a jog. The thought of Anne Romney as FLOTUS makes me want to pull up the covers.— therehastobeaway (@THTBAW) September 21, 2012
In other words, President Obama's wife is a motivating, inspiring person that—the racists aside who cringe at the sight of a black First Lady—leads by example and is a formidable role model unto herself. Unlike Ann Romney, who's screechy whining reminds you of someone chiding the help after finding a single fingerful of dust on the oakwood cabinet. Ughh. Keep that woman away from the Oval Office.
Bonus: He can sing.
Iiiiiiiii'm...so gonna voooote for you!
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