Insiders at the E! cable network have leaked word that Mitt and Ann Romney will star in a new reality show, Rich Like Mitt, scheduled to launch in early 2013. Taping begins Nov. 7, the day after the election when, a source confirms, "Mitt will need a job because Ann won't allow him to use any more of his stock portfolio for them to live on."
"We're not at university anymore!" the candidate's wife is confiding to friends, "and his old partners at Bain won't let him back in because they say he gives greed a bad name."
Although a spot in the E! schedule has yet to be firmed up, programmers are looking at Friday night. Joan Rivers' popular Fashion Police would be moved up one hour to 9PM with Rich Like Mitt airing at 10:00.
"We need to give the show as strong a lead-in as possible," an E! source says, "because by January people probably aren't going to want to see much of Romney and his Stepford family."
The series will be co-produced by Mark Penn and James Carville, both senior advisors to Hillary Clinton's unsuccessful 2008 presidential campaign who are said to be still bitter that Barack Obama defeated her. The pair continues to look for ways of getting even and "wants to keep failed Obama challengers in the spotlight," people close to both men assert.
"Hillary became Secretary of State," bemoans a Carville intimate, "but that's not a route open to Romney since his foreign trips and speeches during the campaign offended many of the countries the US tries to maintain cordial relations with."
Spokespeople at NBCUniversal, which owns the E! network, refuse to confirm or deny the persistent Rich Like Mitt rumors. But other usually reliable sources reveal that basic story lines for the first six episodes have been approved by NBC's chief executive, Jeff Zucker.
Episode 1 – Ann is confused by an invitation to speak at a Tea Party and is upset when she shows up wearing white gloves while everyone else is in a hooded white sheet. Mitt files papers in Delaware incorporating his five sons to prove that corporations are people before getting stuck in the car elevator at the family's new California home.
Episode 2 – Mitt visits England and asks Queen Elizabeth if her Corgi's like riding on the roof of the Rolls when she goes to Windsor Palace. Ann frets that her golden years will be a struggle with only $100-million in an IRA to supplement Social Security. Upon returning from Britain, Mitt gets stuck in the car elevator at the family's new California home.
Episode 3 – Mitt loses the ATM card from one of his Swiss bank accounts but can't remember which one. He fights with son Craig who wants to volunteer for the Army, saying, "I got five deferments during Vietnam and I won't have you disgracing the Romney name by signing up!" Ann asks friends why the gardener at their Massachusetts house speaks Spanish so well. Mitt gets stuck in the car elevator at the family's new California home.
Episode 4 – Shopping for new magic underwear for Mitt, Ann slaps a sales clerk she sees wearing a button proclaiming, "A Proud 47%-er!" Donald Trump visits unexpectedly and shows Mitt a new way to comb his hair. Mitt gets stuck in the car elevator at the family's new California home showing Trump how it works.
Episode 5 – At the country club, Mitt bumps into the Koch brothers and they bemoan how old fashioned American values are disappearing. David Koch says ruefully, "I remember when $100-million was more than enough to buy me a president." After lunch at the club, Mitt gets stuck in the car elevator at the family's new California home. Ann gets mad when a rival accuses her of acting like Leona Helmsley, barking back, "Leona cheated on her taxes, we just don't pay any. There's a big difference, bitch!" and throws a glass of 1907 Heidseick champagne on the woman.
Episode 6 – To build ratings, E! has the Romney's appear on the network's other shows. Mitt is a guest on Joel McHale's The Soup where his campaign gaffes are "The Kick-Ass Clip of the Week." Ann walks off the set of Chelsea Lately when host Chelsea Handler reminds Ann that she's half-Mormon "but my dad isn't nearly as batshit crazy as your husband." Trying to figure out McHale's jokes confuses Mitt, resulting in him getting stuck in the car elevator at the family's new California home when he returns from the taping.
Sources say Mitt and Ann will be paid more than $1-million each for the series but add that the network is confident it will make money off the couple.
"It's a natural," insists a close friend of NBC executive Zucker. "Along with the Kardashians, Big Rich Texas and Most Eligible Dallas, E! is doing well showing America that even wealthy people can act like trailer trash.
"Besides, other than the size of their bank accounts and maybe their necks, there's no real difference between Ann Romney and Honey Boo Boo's mother."
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