I am comfortable in saying that I am not alone in anticipation of the "Rumble in the Air Conditioned Auditorium," on October 6th. This battle will pit 'America's most trusted fake news man' Jon Stewart against the 'Orator of Obfuscation,' Bill O'Reilly.
Now, I could handicap this verbal bout based on ideas, personality and general sincerity, but as any non-troll on this website knows, that would make this the greatest blow-out since the last election of Saddam Hussein. Jon Stewart has more gravitas and integrity is his pinky than O'Reilly has.... well, you know the rest.
So instead, I decided to take some historical facts about these two individuals and match them up in order to see who the true favorite is for this epic battle.
Please note that this information is not the result of in depth research and cross checking of various sources. It mostly comes from Wikipedia, anecdotal evidence and my memory
Stewart Vs. O'Reilly
Birth Town: Stewart- New York City O'Reilly- New York City
Although Stewart did grow up in New Jersey, which of course is home to Chris Christie and the cast of Jersey Shore. Luckily, those metrics are not figured in this category.
Birth year: Stewart- 1962 O'Reilly- 1949
In this category, Stewart had the advantage of being born under the cooler Democratic President, and at the dawn of Beatlemania.
Undergraduate Degree: Stewart- William and Mary O'Reilly: Marist
They are both uppity East Coast colleges, so no clear edge here. Feel free to correct me on that, all you Griffins and Red Foxes out there. (hah, Red Foxes)
Sports Played in College: Stewart- Soccer O'Reilly- Football and Baseball
Sorry, I may be a classic bleeding-heart liberal, but I am an American classic bleeding-heart liberal, dammit!
Previous Job: Stewart- The Jon Stewart Show O'Reilly- Inside Edition
One had a show named after himself. The other spent multiple episodes obsessing over the world wide pandemic that was Haitian Voodoo.
Emmy Awards: Stewart-16 O'Reilly: 1 local
Stewart has also won a couple of Peabody awards, a Grammy, and hosted the Oscars. But let's not forget Bill's Polk awards.
On-Air Influence: Stewart- Set in motion take down of CNN's terrible Crossfire show.
O'Reilly- Boycotted France. France still exists.
How is Tucker Carlson's website doing anyway?
Best Movie Cameo: Stewart- "Half Baked" O'Reilly: "Transformers 3"
Aren't we all 'enhancement smokers' at heart?
Most Memorable On-Air Take Down: Stewart- Jim Cramer
O'Reilly- That kid who's dad died in the 9/11 attacks
No need for a mic to be cut off. Stewart let Cramer's own stupidity silence himself.
Most unintentionally ironic use of the term pinhead: Stewart- 0 O'Reilly- Infinity
Of course, this will only be an advantage if this is the agreed upon term for all disparaging put-downs during the debate.
Overall score: Stewart- 6 O'Reilly- 2 Push- 2
I'm calling for Stewart to deliver the TKO in round 6.