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Mitt Romney's Sept. 21st fundraising letter reveals a hidden truth:  Mitt Romney can have one wicked smokin' sense of humor!  Until it turns a little dark and creepy.

The first line of the letter is suitable for framing:  

"Dear [my real name], I am running for President of the United States, and because you are one of America's most notable Republicans, I want to personally let you know why."

Sure, I know you are going to say the man is just pandering.  Heck, he's setting new standards in pandering.  "One of America's most notable Republicans" indeed, along with probably everyone else in my county and a few tens of millions of other people.  And here, I thought I was just a normal little Republican foot soldier, I did not know I was so notable.  Who's Who will call soon.  But, wait -- give him a chance -- maybe he is actually being funny.  Because, you see, I'm not a Republican at all, as the most cursory glance at any kind of mail list targeting data would weed out.  Therefore it must be irony.  Good job, Mittbot, you are working hard learning the human forms of funny, and doing a very good job of it.  I think I will save this letter.  "One of America's most notable Republicans..." yes, very amusing.  I like the sound of that.  It makes me feel important in a bwah, ha, ha kind of way.  

Maybe there are more interesting things in this letter, let's keep reading.  Hmm... blah blah Obama bad, blah blah big government bad, blah blah stimulus bad; -- so far, same old, same old -- you can help defeat him; here comes the wind up to "send money" .... WHOA! SAY WHAT?  Let me read that again.  This letter says "The first $5000 of your generous support will go directly to Romney for President..."

The (excuse me) first $5000?  Kind of abrupt there, Mister Mittster.  The first $5000?  Out of what?  Fairy Dust?  Let's look at this letter again.  Hmmm... total form letter.  20# printer paper.  Ink jets or equivalent need cleaning.  Obligatory UPPERCASE and bolding and underlining and digital signature in a contrasting color.  OK, I get it now!  This has got to be a joke from the Billionaires for Bush!  Good one, guys!  But now, I still gotta know the answer:  $5000 out of what, and where does the alleged rest of the money go?  Probably some PAC with a hilarous name.

Oh, here we go with the $5000 out of what part... "The maximum personal contribution is $75,800, which I know is a significant request."  Seriously?  No fair, this letter started out funny.  Now the irony is just tragic.  Irony sometimes does this.  This letter is starting to kinda suck.  

But, at these prices, I guess they don't need a high response rate to make it pay.  

Unbelievably, Google tells me this is a real organization called Romney Victory.  The first $5000 to Romney, then various percentages to the RNC, miscellaneous state parties, congressional campaigns, and possibly even a partridge in a pear tree.

This may be how the 1% lives, but it seems a little bit haphazard and crazed and crass and craven and I could throw more alliteration at it, but this is just out of someone's mind.

Not sure what Mitt and the crew are imbibing, and pretty sure I don't want any after all.  That stuff must be harsh.  I wish them all a productive vacation stay in rehab beginning November 7th.

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