Skip to main content

pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
 
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

I do not have time to write today, I am busy preparing for the upcoming debate. I have been instructed to come up with a variety of witticisms so that I may demonstrate my obvious superiority to the audience. My staff has been telling the press units that I have been practicing a variety of zinged statements for many months now, but in truth we have found very few. I think we have used up all possible material on who did or did not build things, for example. Goodbye for now, Mr. Diary, I must engage in some brained storming now.

Possible zinged statements

I know you are, Mr. Obama, but you have not yet told me the nature of my own characteristics.

I have had many past business experiences, which you would know if I had allowed you to examine my tax returns.

I would like to point to one of our best business accomplishments, Staples (hold off on this one)

Mr. Obama, I know money. Money has been a constant acquaintance of mine. You are not money.

As governor of Massachusetts a certain state, I assisted the commoners in obtaining better health insurance did nothing that I can currently remember.

As president, I promise America that I will never let any dogs out.

You are too inexperienced to be president, Mr. President. I think I should be president instead.

As the cow said, show me the moo-ney. Tagg wants me to say this one

I do not know who Paul Ryan is. You are stupid for saying that name. You should not be stupid.

I only invested in that aborted fetus disposal company so that I could gain monetary advantage from it because Ronald Reagan.

I am like Reagan, except that I am alive and he is not for various reasons.

One of my horses was in the Olympics. You have no horses in the Olympics. You do not know how to run a business involving horses and the Olympics.

I have more money than you.

I believe all Americans who own sport teams should pay fewer taxes.

You are a jerk.

This is hard.

I will pay you ten thousand dollars to be quiet right now and let me win. (this is good, go with this one?)

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site