Skip to main content

pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
 
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

Success! This debate could not have gone better. I was not able to obtain any sleep the previous evening due to the noise of this nation's tremendous freight infrastructure, but given the results I have decided to cease all further sleep until after the election.

Sadly, I was not able to last the entire debate without firing someone. I believe I made it about half of the way, which would be a substantial improvement from my practice sessions, before mentioning to the moderator unit that I would be firing him. I also mentioned that I would be firing Big Bird, who is a beloved children's character on television, and in fact his entire network.

My staff was somewhat aggravated about this afterwards, as they had made it very clear to me that I was not to make any zinged statements about firing people, and the zinged statement about Big Bird had not been cleared by them beforehand. I explained to them that Big Bird is a bird and not a people, so that I had technically stayed within the allowed parameters. While I also told the moderator that he was fired, moderators are also not people. I am beginning to think my staff is getting too fussy about these things. Also, I have never liked Big Bird. That bird has never been the right height.

Unfortunately, the only zinged statement I was able to use was the one about firing the irritatingly large bird. The other zinged statements I suppose I shall save for later. Other than that, I am pleased that I was successfully able to avoid mentioning any policy details (I stated that mentioning my own policy details would not be bipartisan, and that politeness required that I refrain from discussing such things until after I have become president). There was also various other things mentioned, but none of them were particularly important, and I shall leave my staff to sort them out today. They seem to believe I have contradicted a large number of our past policy assertions, but Eric F. told them that they were stupid for being concerned about such things, because that is what debates are for.

I am looking forward to the next debate. During the foreign policy one, I believe I shall fire Canada. Canada is also not a people. I would fire Mexico, but the labor there is quite cheap, and I have been thinking of outsourcing some of our companies to them.

EMAIL TO A FRIEND X
Your Email has been sent.
You must add at least one tag to this diary before publishing it.

Add keywords that describe this diary. Separate multiple keywords with commas.
Tagging tips - Search For Tags - Browse For Tags

?

More Tagging tips:

A tag is a way to search for this diary. If someone is searching for "Barack Obama," is this a diary they'd be trying to find?

Use a person's full name, without any title. Senator Obama may become President Obama, and Michelle Obama might run for office.

If your diary covers an election or elected official, use election tags, which are generally the state abbreviation followed by the office. CA-01 is the first district House seat. CA-Sen covers both senate races. NY-GOV covers the New York governor's race.

Tags do not compound: that is, "education reform" is a completely different tag from "education". A tag like "reform" alone is probably not meaningful.

Consider if one or more of these tags fits your diary: Civil Rights, Community, Congress, Culture, Economy, Education, Elections, Energy, Environment, Health Care, International, Labor, Law, Media, Meta, National Security, Science, Transportation, or White House. If your diary is specific to a state, consider adding the state (California, Texas, etc). Keep in mind, though, that there are many wonderful and important diaries that don't fit in any of these tags. Don't worry if yours doesn't.

You can add a private note to this diary when hotlisting it:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from your hotlist?
Are you sure you want to remove your recommendation? You can only recommend a diary once, so you will not be able to re-recommend it afterwards.
Rescue this diary, and add a note:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary from Rescue?
Choose where to republish this diary. The diary will be added to the queue for that group. Publish it from the queue to make it appear.

You must be a member of a group to use this feature.

Add a quick update to your diary without changing the diary itself:
Are you sure you want to remove this diary?
(The diary will be removed from the site and returned to your drafts for further editing.)
(The diary will be removed.)
Are you sure you want to save these changes to the published diary?

Comment Preferences

Subscribe or Donate to support Daily Kos.

Click here for the mobile view of the site