May Be Triggering
I posted this on a website in response to someone saying that it was "questionable what Mike McQueary saw" and that in no account has he ever heard of a child screaming (his interpretation of rape). The part of the comment I'm responding to follows:
"I always found it odd that in all the accounts that have been given about that event, no mention was ever made of a child screaming, yelling or struggling to get away. Too many unanswered questions to understand what McQueary actually saw vs. what he reported at different times."
I thought it important to share here my response to him and to once again revisit what grooming may look like:
Child sexual abuse is not a violent act. The grooming behavior of the adult conditions the child to his/her touch. It is a process that occurs over time. In my case it started with come sit on my lap. Then come sit on my lap with my robe open and penis exposed. He would turn his perversion into a game - look, it's getting bigger! now touch this, kiss this, look you made it jump! I was 5 years old...
I'm not saying this to be gratuitous and I know this is an uncomfortable discussion, but it is imperative to understand that from a child's perspective, what is happening to them isn't threatening, it isn't aggressive, it's a slow progression of inappropriate touching. It's actually a "loving" act in a perverse way.
When you hear "rape" you think forcible. In child sexual abuse, it's a slow, gradual grooming that occurs to condition the child to the pedophile's acts. While we struggle with what is happening to us, we aren't fully developed enough to fully understand that it's wrong. See, they are the adult - we're the kid - who are we to question?
And, here's the kicker - sex is pleasurable - even to a child. So while we are being violated, our small bodies are reacting to the pleasure sensations being performed upon us, which adds to our confusion - well, I "enjoyed" it so I must have wanted it??? But that's not true - we have no control over the physical responses of our bodies - nor do we have the mental synapses firing enough in our brains to distinguish between right and wrong. This is where the self-blame, confusion, self-hatred comes into play. Some may even "love" their abuser, particularly when the abuser is a family member or plays that role in the child's life. You keep forgetting that these are kids - little boys.
If you masturbate a 10 year old boy, he will enjoy it. If you perform oral sex on a 10 year old boy, he will enjoy it. And yes, while penetration may be initially painful, that is only during entry - the actual sex act is pleasurable once penetration has been achieved.
And don't think this was the first time Sandusky had abused this child. As the trial pointed out, he went through very similar grooming patterns with each boy. So to say that since the child wasn't screaming, yelling, fighting back shows that nothing was happening is a falsehood. Children who are abused sexually are conditioned not to fight back - which is why many suffer with what has been termed C-PTSD or complex post-traumatic stress disorder.
Thanks,
Roxine