I dont have a 5 trillion dollar deficit. I love everybody. I never was a draft dodger. I was John McCain's co-pilot. I wasn't in the Paris Hilton, it was the Hanoi Hilton. Please read on below my thought cloud or malleable truthiness.
My real name is Wilfredo Romneyguez and I was born in the middle of the Rio Grande (some of my closest friends call me Tuco - esp after the debate!), so yes, I am Mexicano and Americano! I am not a billionaire, I am broke! I gave away all my money to homelessness. And women? I love women, I am, actually a woman in a man's body! But, of course, I still know how to swing the weight.
Vote for me...I am what you want me to be, just tell me what you want me to be....I will change my name, I will change my complexion. Anything! I can fly, I can walk through walls.
Little puppies follow me for miles. People who stutter speak fluently ever after having shook my hand. I am magic. I mean everything to everyone. Vote for me...please...this isn't a sneer...it's a divine condescension to you mortal dregs. Vote for me...this is hard. This is my destiny. Please, don't mess it up! I am supposed to be president.
Listen, if you can't borrow money from mom & dad - I will wash your car, walk your dog, I'll even send out help to do the windows.
And as far as all the bad guys in the world go..well, they better watch out, I know who they are and I won't fool around with any of that antsy pantsy diplomacy! In fact, my plan is to invade, right away. Don't ask me where because, well, if I tell you my enemies could use it against me. I want it to be a surprise. Heck, it might even be a surprise to me. Yes, yes, in case you are wondering I have my own darts and my own maps.
Again, I want to stress. I love you. Really I do, whoever you are, especially if you are someone I might soon send capriciously to go fight die or be maimed in a far away land or if you want a job but the whole concept of minimum wage is erased by my Divine Etch-a=Sketch policies and you don't have enough food to put on your family. I like you. Gosh. I love you. A vote for me is a vote for love!