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Last night, Jon Stewart focused on some of the right-wing Republican psychopaths running for Congress, from Todd Akin in the Senate race to several House psychopaths running for re-election that have made news in recent weeks for their shocking comments.

Since the comments, Akin has gone from an 11-point lead to 6 points behind incumbent Democrat Claire McCaskill, but some folk, like Reverend Stoney Shaw, are sticking with him.
REV. STONEY SHAW (10/5/2012): Some of my family was, you know, my children, "Dad, you're not going to support him, are ya?" ... And everybody's turning against him.  I said, well there was another guy that everybody turned against.
Uhh... Jerry Sandusky!  No, uhh... Bill Buckner!  Uh... American Idol Sanjaya!
REV. STONEY SHAW (10/5/2012): There was another guy that everybody turned against, Jesus Christ.  But he prevailed.
(audience groans and boos in disgust)

(Jon's cell phone rings with heavenly ringtone)

I'm sorry, I'm getting a call.  Hold on.

(talking on phone)  Yeah, hey.  Hey, Jesus.  Yeah, no, I heard it.  Yeah, I think it's ridiculous too, that you, Jesus, are being compared to Todd Akin.  Yeah.  No, no, no, don't be insecure, you're the King of Kings, my friend.  Don't even worry about it.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I gotta go.  See ya Sunday in Tebow's box.  All right.

(wild audience applause)

Here's the thing.  Akin could still win this thing.  But even if he does, it would say a lot less about how Jesus-y he is, and a lot more about how fucked Missouri is.

....

Walsh caught a lot of flack for that remark, and he seems to have learned his lesson.  Never take cheap petty shots at someone's military service, not when there are so many other cheap petty shots you can take.

REP. JOE WALSH, R-IL (10/9/2012): I was marching in a parade in Schaumberg Sunday, two days before the Democratic convention, when Tammy Duckworth was on a stage down in Charlotte, if you can look at the picture, picking out a dress for her speech Tuesday night.  (debate audience boos Walsh)
Why does that dude have a picture of Tammy Duckworth picking out a dress for her convention speech?  (whispers)  That's creepy.

"Here's another one you gotta look at!  This is her coming out of the shower in a robe!  What's she doing in a robe coming out of the shower?  What?!  Look at it!!  I'M NOT THE CRAZY ONE, YOU'RE THE CRAZY ONE!!!"

....

Now you might wonder to yourself, how do these fucking crazy people make it to the national stage?  Easy.  They do it by being less crazy than the guys on the state level.

KHOU11 (10/8/2012): Arkansas state representative Jon Hubbard says slavery was a "blessing in disguise".  It's in his self-published book.  He says had it not been for slavery, black people would've remained in Africa, and not enjoyed the advantages of living in America.
(audience boos in disgust)

Really?  Can't believe that was self-published.  Can't believe Simon & Schuster didn't like the cut of that fella's jib.  But there you have it.  Why do we have such nuts in the U.S. House of Representatives?  Because in the state house of representatives, they think the miniseries Roots should've been called Thanks!

Video and full transcript below the fold.

You know, we spend a lot of time talking about this country's choices for President and Vice President, some have expressed frustration with what they see as a limited option.  But did you know that the four men that we have, flawed as they may be, are by far the cream of the crop in Washington — or as we refer to it, the cream of the crap.

Yes, tonight we salute some of their downticket brethren in a new segment called You Magnificent Bastards!  Let's start in Missouri, where lucky Show Me staters get to possibly turn Republican Congressman Todd Akin into a Republican Senator.  He's got ideas!

REP. TODD AKIN, R-MO (8/19/2012): From what I understand from doctors, that's really where... if it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.
Yeah!  The female body shuts it down!  If it's legitimate rape, it shuts it down.  It's Todd Akin, on the vagina's magical powers.  Yes, the vagina can repel rape sperm, it can turn ordinary rocks into beautiful gems in minutes!  And this is true, this is new.  The new upgraded operating system vagina, two vaginas that pass each other can swap playlists.

True.  Very few people know that.  Now, since... oh people are going, "I've got to upgrade."

Since the comments, Akin has gone from an 11-point lead to 6 points behind incumbent Democrat Claire McCaskill, but some folk, like Reverend Stoney Shaw, are sticking with him.

REV. STONEY SHAW (10/5/2012): Some of my family was, you know, my children, "Dad, you're not going to support him, are ya?" ... And everybody's turning against him.  I said, well there was another guy that everybody turned against.
Uhh... Jerry Sandusky!  No, uhh... Bill Buckner!  Uh... American Idol Sanjaya!
REV. STONEY SHAW (10/5/2012): There was another guy that everybody turned against, Jesus Christ.  But he prevailed.
(audience groans and boos in disgust)

(Jon's cell phone rings with heavenly ringtone)

I'm sorry, I'm getting a call.  Hold on.

(talking on phone)  Yeah, hey.  Hey, Jesus.  Yeah, no, I heard it.  Yeah, I think it's ridiculous too, that you, Jesus, are being compared to Todd Akin.  Yeah.  No, no, no, don't be insecure, you're the King of Kings, my friend.  Don't even worry about it.  Yeah, yeah, yeah.  I gotta go.  See ya Sunday in Tebow's box.  All right.

(wild audience applause)

Here's the thing.  Akin could still win this thing.  But even if he does, it would say a lot less about how Jesus-y he is, and a lot more about how fucked Missouri is.

But maybe all this is beside the point.  Americans don't vote based on silly side issues, like whether you have an 8th grade level grasp of the female reproductive system, no!  What really matters is how much you love America, and no one's going to out-America love Florida Representative and part-time bayonet-fixer Allen West.


ALLEN WEST AD: Feb. 16, 2003, Fort Hood, Texas: Lt. Col. Allen West had just received deployment orders, and prepares his men to go to war.  That night, South Beach, Miami: Patrick Murphy is thrown out of a club for fighting, covered in alcohol, and unable to stand. ... Two men, a country in crisis — you decide.
Oh, the choice is so hard!  Ah, let's see.  One's an uncontrollable lunatic, and the other got thrown out of a bar once.  Hmm.

The Republicans don't have a monopoly on military veterans.  In Illinois' 8th Congressional district, Democrat Tammy Duckworth, who lost both of her legs in Iraq, is running against Representative Joe Walsh for his House seat.  It's gotta be a little tough running against someone who sacrificed so much for her country.  Unless, of course, you come up with a way to totally shit on that.

REP. JOE WALSH, R-IL (7/8/2012): I do believe she talks about her service too much.

REP. JOE WALSH, R-IL (7/1/2012): Now I am running against a woman who, I mean, my God, that's all she talks about.  Our true heroes, the men and women who served us, it's the last thing in the world they talk about.

Oh, I didn't realize that.  So if you talk about your service, you're not a true hero.  You know, I've got someone you might want to talk to.
ALLEN WEST AD: Lt. Col. Allen West had just received deployment orders, and prepares his men to go to war.
(wild audience applause)

Can I be there when you tell Allen West he's not a real hero?  Cuz I don't think he's going to take that so well.

Walsh caught a lot of flack for that remark, and he seems to have learned his lesson.  Never take cheap petty shots at someone's military service, not when there are so many other cheap petty shots you can take.

REP. JOE WALSH, R-IL (10/9/2012): I was marching in a parade in Schaumberg Sunday, two days before the Democratic convention, when Tammy Duckworth was on a stage down in Charlotte, if you can look at the picture, picking out a dress for her speech Tuesday night.  (debate audience boos Walsh)
Why does that dude have a picture of Tammy Duckworth picking out a dress for her convention speech?  (whispers)  That's creepy.

"Here's another one you gotta look at!  This is her coming out of the shower in a robe!  What's she doing in a robe coming out of the shower?  What?!  Look at it!!  I'M NOT THE CRAZY ONE, YOU'RE THE CRAZY ONE!!!"

Of course, not all these paragons of civic life are locked in difficult re-election battles.  Some, like Georgia Congressman Paul Broun, are running unopposed.  Let's check in.

REP. PAUL BROUN, R-GA (9/27/2012): All that stuff I was taught about evolution, embryology, Big Bang Theory, all that is lies straight from the pit of Hell. ... I don't believe that the Earth's but about 9,000 years old.  I believe that it was created in six days as we know them.  That's what the Bible says.

(stunned audience reaction)

First of all, who gives a speech in Deer Hell?  (wild audience cheering and applause)  I mean, look, I'm neither a hunter nor an interior decorator, but surely there is a happy medium to be had here.  Perhaps you could get to stand in front of some of the deer you've killed, and yet we still get to see some wall.  Cuz at some point, this stops being hunter's pride, and just looks like ethnic cleansing.  "We have always been at war with the deer!  Round them up and send them to Deer-chau."

But second of all, that guy who just said the Earth is 9,000 years old and was created in six literal days is RUNNING UNOPPOSED.  And also sits on the House Committee on Science and Technology.  (audience groans in disgust)  Aw, don't worry, I'm sure there's other people on that committee who balance his viewpoint out.  Let's meet one.

REP. TODD AKIN, R-MO (8/19/2012): If it's a legitimate rape, the female body has ways to try to shut that whole thing down.
Magic Vagina Guy?!  Are you sure this isn't the House Committee Against Science and Technology??

Now you might wonder to yourself, how do these fucking crazy people make it to the national stage?  Easy.  They do it by being less crazy than the guys on the state level.

KHOU11 (10/8/2012): Arkansas state representative Jon Hubbard says slavery was a "blessing in disguise".  It's in his self-published book.  He says had it not been for slavery, black people would've remained in Africa, and not enjoyed the advantages of living in America.
(audience boos in disgust)

Really?  Can't believe that was self-published.  Can't believe Simon & Schuster didn't like the cut of that fella's jib.  But there you have it.  Why do we have such nuts in the U.S. House of Representatives?  Because in the state house of representatives, they think the miniseries Roots should've been called Thanks!

We'll be right back.

John Oliver then showed how we can add jobs to the economy with a non-stop election cycle that has even MORE dark money.
Meanwhile, Stephen also previewed the Vice Presidential debate.
He then covered the wacko conspiracy theory that the U.S. can teleport people to Mars, and that Obama was one of the test subjects.
He then had another brilliant segment of Formidable Opponent, where he debates himself about Mitt Romney's positions.
Jon talked with director Paul Thomas Anderson, and Stephen talked with journalist Chrystia Freeland.

Originally posted to BruinKid on Fri Oct 12, 2012 at 05:00 AM PDT.

Also republished by Electronic America: Progressives Film, music & Arts Group.

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