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We all hoped something had been learned from 2008 election about the true role of the media - namely that it's a lagging indicator of events we ourselves shape, and often a bitter voice of denial when those events don't fit a narrative they find preferable.  Of course, for this fact to be exploited you actually have to behave with some level of assertiveness as a thinking citizen: Just continuing to act as though the pundit-driven media is an accurate reflection of anything simply cedes reality to people who don't even know it exists, let alone have any intention of trying to analyze it honestly and intelligently.  We fought a long time to rise above the DLC / early 2000's loser mentality of being jerked around by a media with no mind, no conscience, and a giant GOP ventriloquist hand up its ass.  So now it's time for people who've developed amnesia on this matter to accompany the nice folks in white suits to a safe place where they can't harm themselves for the duration of the campaign.

If you identify with the following image, or suspect you have such tendencies, please inform your local campaign coordinator so they can direct you further:


You will be placed in protective custody at a special facility where you will be insulated from the forces that make you prone to surrendering the moment a German farts in your general direction.  All surfaces are padded in these faclities, all corners softened with gelatinous plastic covers, all colors pastels to avoid overstimulating you, and all punditry is carefully vetted to avoid deranging you since you obviously can neither (a)avoid being driven mad by idiots and liars having a national platform or (b)just stop paying attention to them.  So instead we will give you something more benign to passively absorb - the house pundits are quite bland, and will never once remind you of the fact that all that separates us from the Dark Ages is you.  I think you'll like our stress-free house pundits:


At this special Loser Clinic, you will be gradually weaned off believing that pundits have something to say worth hearing - weaned off the cheap highs of hearing them say something you agree with, and the gut-wrenching lows of when they inevitably say things that are batshit insane or just completely made-up to serve their own narrative interests.  You will be taught once again to think and observe for yourself like a grownup, and hopefully, eventually, emerge yet again as a contributing citizen rather than a mote of plankton jerked hither and thither by noise and propaganda.  Just take it one day at a time, and surrender your shoelaces at the door.

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