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I almost finished and posted these way back when I was upset at the way that the Wisconsin recall went. I then kind of got cold feet the didn’t because writing these up made me feel dirty and I felt that it might be too close to a troll diary. Also the way these straddled the line between verbatim and a straw Republican made me a little queasy. I’m not a hurt angry twenty-something anymore (at least not the twenty-something part) and I’m less willing to write blatant broad strawmen because it’s can be clunky and not necessarily naturalistic.

Now I’m a little ticked off now that everybody’s favorite dirty energy billionaires bullying their employees to vote for the GOP. Do these guys associate with being “Libertarian” or being for “Freedom” only because they so loudly brag or pat themselves on the back over and over that they do?

Anyway, here are my three ideas for straight-faced GOP bumper sticker parodies. Feel free to print them up if you want to sell them to dumb Goopers who don’t know that they’re being punk’d or something else subversive.

VOTE REPUBLICAN
Because I don’t want any dumb Democrat giving my tax money to all those lazy Blacks, Mexicans, and Unions!

VOTE REPUBLICAN
Because it’s about time all those Muslims, Atheists, Jews, New Agers, and all them other oddball troublemakers get some real Christian religion!

VOTE REPUBLICAN
Because it’s overdue that all those sluts, gays, creatives, and other weirdo troublemakers get with the program!

I thought about using quasi-conversational ain’ts and double negatives, but I felt that it would have given away that this is deadpan spoof.

I just hope that I don’t get too donutted over something this coarse.

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