Say, if Big Bird, Cookie Monster or Oscar the Grouch is looking for work, thank's to a Romney "PBS You're Fired!" initiative, maybe Obama's Secret Service could adopt them, maybe dressing up as them for Halloween. These fuzzy guys really know how to handle a really big shoe, er show, too! Whoa...a radical idea just hit my fuzzy brain: Put all of Sesame Street's characters in Binders for Romney! Just in time for the last debate!
Seriously, these Animated Fluffy Americans of Ambiguous Gender and Decent already have serious resumes with Fortune 500 companies and fully understand the world of pulling strings. And we should put together binders for Romney for his considerations.
I've tried searching and wish I could find the original comment by a DKos poster which gave us this helpful background information on the early careers of The Muppets, since it has inspired me to do this diary. Back in the 1960's Jim Henson's crew of diverse fuzzy henchcritters of hilarity were contracted for IBM's marketing team and appeared in commercials and training films. Yes, The Muppets indeed have small and big business private sector chops just like Romney claims to have. In those days, hungry ol' big blue Cookie Monster actually showed his big teeth, suitable for crunching up old big iron non-IBM mainframes... oops, another tasty Honeywell mainframe reduced to crumbs in a big blue blur. And Cookie could tag team with Oscar the Grouch to take out the trash--yes, they had an efficient garbage generation and collection routine (old programmer joke). Yeah, those two did have to tone it down for PBS and, well, defang Cookie Monster.
My big idea is sponsored by the Letters R, R, G, O and P (drum roll, roving spot lights, swelling Electric Mayhem music with Dr. Teeth):
The Muppets in Public Service Adventures--think of it--wouldn't Cookie Monster, the Ultimate Weapon of Destruction, be better than John Bolton as Secretary of Defense? Add Crazy Harry for Deputy Secretary, or maybe Thor or Thog, although I can appreciate the argument for Sam The Eagle.
Obviously we'd hope Romney might nominate Kermit for Secretary of State, he'd have more balance and common sense, sense of propriety and people skills than Condi Rice, and sing better too. And who better to promote democracy and The Free Market than a guy who knows what it means to be green and build a consensus among very disparate characters and has world travel experience? Deputy Secretary - Animal as Deputy Secretary to keep the diplomatic corps in sync.
Here's a radical suggestion--Oscar as the Grouch as Chief of Staff--he'd be able to deal with the worst of Congress's garbage, piles of administrative red tape, cranky constituents, or maybe he would be better be as head of EPA. Who else but The Count for Secretary of The Treasury or to head The Fed? Imagine the IRS blood sucking but with dignity, humor, accuracy and grace. The crotchety Judge for The Supreme Court of course. Ryan might benefit from Gonzo the Great as his Chief of Staff or Press Secretary.
Romney could do worse thanMiss Piggy as Press Secretary. She'd certainly be better than recent Romney hire James Corsi. You know she can take the heat of the spotlight far better and could probably keep Fox News and CNN in line. Rowlf the Dog as her deputy could keep things in harmony.
We could go on. Professor Radcliffe for Secretary of Education and Beaker as Deputy Secretary. Yorick to head SEC. The two old snarky gentlemen muppets Statler and Waldorf, who love their opera balconey seats, could help with running the funding for public arts or maybe leasing land for mining. Reince Priebus might be more credible and easier to take as a muppet character, although I fear too many 'strings' would be apparent, all leading back to the curmudgeonly Koch brothers and Karl Rove.
I shall leave further refinements and resume details to the local friendly, knowledgeable and imaginative Kossack Krew but we should aim to have the binders ready, with resumes, by the next debate. I'm just pitching the big concept here, sort of like Kermit or maybe Scooter would, but I hope we can all pool our minds together to help pitch Romney...well, somewhere, with Big Bird's help...or maybe Oscar the Grouch's help.