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In the past, they targeted states. Then districts. Then came Reagan Democrats, followed by Soccer Moms, then, the Grizzly Mama.
Now, just in time for Election twenty-twelve comes: "Micro-targeting Undecideds!"
Billy Pinkerton's left lobe finds the cool logic of Obama appealing, but his right lobe finds the creative accounting and mystery of Mitt Romney exciting!
But this election will not be decided by Billy's left or right lobes-- this election will be decided by . . . his scalp dander!
Those notoriously fickle undecided flakes!
[Polling has progressed to such a powerful micro-level, undecided flakes have become crucial to deciding the future of our Republic!]
The latest poll of Billy's scalp dander finds fifty-point-one percent of undecided flakes found Obama too aggressive in the debate, while forty-nine-point-nine percent found him passive and unfocused.
Thanks to the growing political power of undecided flakes, new debate formats are in the works.
The Road Trip Debate: where just one undecided flake conducts a thirty-six-hour tiny town hall in a small sedan!
[You're not gonna' let me fall asleep, are you? Tell me a story or something…]
The Kitchen Table Debate.
[Which ever one a you fellas cooks me the best omelette's got my vote!]
And the Seventy-two-hour Decisionator Debate.
[I-I-I know it's important, but, but-- I just can't dec-- can I have more time?]
Because our future rests with . . . Billy's undecided flakes.
(With a four percent margin-of-error for undecided flakes who could not decide if they were undecided.)