If rape babies are a gift from God, God gives some really fucking shitty gifts.
If you're watching a news program that's discussing Trump, you can put the news in quotes.
I'll donate this dusty can of Lima beans to charity if someone brings me that thing on Donald Trump's head.
BREAKING NEWS: atheists have not detonated any suicide vests today
I like buying Happy Meals just to smash the toy in front of children & tell them this is what their life will be like when they’re an adult.
If I wanted to run after little white round things or hold meaningless conversations, I'd have kids.
My exes said they dated me because I wasn't serious and never jealous. They broke up with me because I wasn't serious and never jealous.
"Sarge? Bullets are flying past with rainbow trails! What should we do?" "THAT'S 'FRIENDLY FIRE', SON! LET'S GO CATCH THEM ON OUR TONGUES!"
This life will be the death of me.