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I know that things have been looking rather horrible in the news and the tweets.  The Republican party has been doing some things that many people consider actionable.

However, there are a great deal of reasons why nothing they have done is illegal, and you should just sit back and stop thinking about those nasty little doubts in your mind.

So, Join me on the other side of the orange dream sequence for the reasons...

Why what you think was a crime, really isn't one.

1.  We paid a lawyer to say it wasn't one.  Since he said it's ok, it's ok.
2.  You didn't actually see what you think you saw, and if you did, you have no way to know that what you saw was actually what you saw.
3.  Security Concerns.  We are convinced that a midget suicide bomber could have been hiding somewhere in your gathering.
4.  You need to move forward. Charging people with crimes just prevents them from working with you in the future.
5.  Justified Force.  Don't you watch Movies? Any old lady could be a secret ninja master.  We need those crowd control weapons just in case.
6.  You're blowing this completely out of proportion.  The activity was consensual, seeing as money changed hands for services rendered.  
7.  You're nitpicking.  We didn't actually do anything that was slanderous or libelous.  We're just implying it and sitting over here giggling incessantly at our cleverness.
8.  It was just a simple mistake.  You can't send somebody to jail for a little mistake, now.
9.  We were following the rules.  Just the wrong ones.  Honest mistake.
10. 1st Amendment.  And nobody could have heard us in that theater, and who's to say that they wouldn't have thought it was a line from the movie.  And really, that theater had some empty seats, so technically it wasn't crowded.
11. It was a joke.  Really.  You just don't have a sense of humor.  Yes, we know this argument doesn't work when the Joker does it in Batman movies, but really, lighten up!
12. But that's the way things really work!  You can't fault us for the way the world works, now can you?
13. We were acting as a corporate body, therefore you need to address the corporation.  
14. God told us to do it, therefore by interfering you're violating the Separation of Church and State.
15. States Rights (If a federal law is ignored)  
16. Law and Order must be maintained! (If a state Law is ignored)
17. It was simply a youthful indiscretion. (Invalid for poor or minority perpetrators.)
18. We were provoked, and simply reacting to said provocation.  Plus a country like yours, walks around with an open election like that, you're just ASKING for it.
19. It was for entertainment!  You can't put people in jail for that!  That'd be like putting the cast of 24 in jail!
20. It was for the good of the economy.  If you put us in jail, you might cause people to lose faith, and as a result YOU might lose your job.  Like as soon as you charge us.  Don't let that influence you though.

All of these reasons should make you feel fine and dandy when the next major incident that isn't really a crime, no matter how much it looks like a crime, occurs.

Aaaand vote Rmoney!  Because you'll want to catch all the action when his administration comes up with new and vibrant ways to explain how nothing that you thought was a crime was actually illegal!

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