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pen on paper: 'Dear diary'
 
Hello, human diary. It is I again, Mitt Romney, your better.

Today is the final day before the election. During my daily meeting with my campaign staff, they proclaimed themselves confident that I would win all of the states, or at least all of them except for a few particularly irredeemable ones. Nevertheless, there is still a sense of unease. The recent hurricane has distracted from my singular campaign message, which is that wealthy Americans such as myself ought to be paying less in taxes, and that as president I shall make sure that wealth units like myself pay less in taxes, except that I shall also adjust things so that each pays the same amount of taxes as before, and that Italians are coming to this nation to move automotive jobs to China, which I know because even though the automotive companies deny it, I am an expert on what sorts of things ought to be moved to China.

My campaign today will be traveling from Florida to Virginia to Ohio. I was not originally planning to visit Ohio again, as my campaign has decided I do not like them anymore, but I insisted that if I was going to be doing so much traveling to those other states than the least we could do is make a brief stop to visit with Mr. Bus once again. (I hope carrying various foodstuffs for the hurricane-enmoistened commoners did not dent or damage him. I will have that staffer's head, if Mr. Bus has gotten dented or damaged.) Then it is on to New Hampshire for the evening concert with the rocking children.

As for tomorrow, I had planned to spend the better part of tomorrow savoring my victory, but the staff has evidently scheduled still more campaign appearances. Apparently these commoners need constant encouragement if they are to vote for me. When I am president, one of my first actions after adjusting the tax rates for wealthy Americans will be to form a committee to establish the best ways of further discouraging these commoners from voting. To be blunt, their minds are too scattered for it. It requires too many individual campaign events and rallies, and it could all be done far more efficiently by merely allowing only wealth units to vote, then bundling the votes from wealth units into leveraged products that would represent all the other votes. Then financial companies could purchase and sell those packages of votes, which would be quite profitable. (If my past businesses experiences have taught me anything, Mr. Diary, it is that there is very little that cannot be made more profitable by removing commoners from the process.)

I suppose that is neither here nor there for the moment, Mr. Diary. That is all for now; I shall write in you more later. With luck, when next we meet I shall have become the next president of this great, though commoner-riddled, nation.

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