A MESSAGE from MITT ROMNEY to UNMARRIED FEMALE UNITS
As you know, exit polling indicated that I lost the female unit vote by 12% and the unmarried, female unit vote by 38%. Therefore, I have determined that my female unit outreach was inadequate. I thank the female unit, known as Ann, for conducting my female unit outreach. However, evidently her assurance to female units that since I chose her as my celestial help-mate and since I supported, cherished, loved and respected her, I would be the best elective choice for all female units did not work.
Consequently, in keeping with my Mexican heritage and my Mormon faith, I have decided to increase my outreach to unmarried female units for CAMPAIGN ROMNEY2016. I hereby offer to celestially marry all unmarried, female units who are registered voters. I will pledge to support, honor, cherish and respect all female units who choose to be sealed to me. In return, all I will expect is your vote in 2016. (In keeping with current Mormon doctrine, I would expect no carnal commitment in this terrestrial plain. Only the female unit known as Ann need be concerned with this.)
Please express your interest by replying to MarryMeMitt@Romney2016.com.
(Please note: No male, homosexuals need reply).
Sincerely, Mitt Romney – ROMNEY2016