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I'm in a quandary.   I need to choose a church... Which would look better on my resume?  The Church of Citibank?  Or the Church of Bank of America.

The Church of Bank of America has been scandalized recently.  It has had a lot of judgments against it.  So if I use that one, am I advertising my sleaze factor?  But then it is the biggest.  So I am showing by lining up with them, that I am a normal corporate person, cut from the same box as everyone else.

The Church of Citibank, has had some judgments as well, but those have kept a lower profile than Bank of America's.  But my concern, since the Church of Citibank is smaller, am I singling out my tendency to go against the crowd?  That might be harmful...

Both do good works, so being a member of either one, should help me in the long run.

I accept that both churches earn money for their corporate owners.  I know the solid gold statues came from the gold bullion that was rescued from beneath World Trade Center Tower 7.  I know that the money I drop into those plates, is sent to charities around the world, based on how it impacts the bottom line of either corporate sponsor.  But, still, the way I see it, I'm doing good somewhere... So I give freely.

The convenience of automated bank teller machines in the foyers of both, is convenient.  You don't know how many times I had to shirk my responsibilities in my old church because when collection was taken up, I had only plastic.

And those of you who are religious, which one of the two would get me in better with the Lord?  I know God loves America, so I'd think the Bank of America motif would have a better ring when I traipse around heaven after dying.  But, God was around when civilizations lived in city-states, so Citi-bank might have a better sound to him... After all America has only been around 236 years...

Both are having trouble with profits, so I think basing my decision on that amount alone is a wash.

I know they both hire good speakers to talk every Sunday.  I know the music in both is fantastic, the best money can buy.  I know that people keep disappearing.  Just when you think you know someone, you return to find, they no longer work there....  

I like the idea that I can use a powerball card and check off my 5 regular sins and 1 super-secret sin, and when done that, can use the same card to get my numbers for the next powerball jackpot.

I like the apps that let me transfer funds form my account to their charities while I'm sitting in the pew. That is so awesome and cuts down on personnel required to walk the plates up the aisles...

And I enjoy the big names that get brought in occasionally.  U2, The Stones, Bruce Springsteen... all are worth the $200 charge being asked to attend on those days... After all it goes to charity.  

So I need your help?  Which one should I choose?  Gosh, this is hard....

Why are you looking at me funny?  Do you find it funny or ironic that corporations are now involved in religion?  It is a huge market.  Charitable giving every Sunday, can capture a lot of interest.  

Surely you are not old fashioned and think that religion is something that is intangible?  Surely you are not that ancient to think that religion should be pure, and not commercialized?

You do?  You don't want banks in your mosques?  In you synagogues?  In your cathedrals?  In your churches? You think their is something sacred between man and god, and that human interaction is the best way to achieve that?

You don't think that in a corporate environment, particularly ones run by profiteers, that we can learn about God, and how we are supposed to live?  You don't think religious skills can be taught by corporate professionals who are trained and certified, and constantly evaluated on their teaching performance?   You think that corporate greed, taints the very teaching being done in these institutions?

Well, you certainly don't seem to mind when it is done in schools... The corporatization of our school systems is almost a fait-accompli...

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Comment Preferences

  •  Shitty Bank vs Skank of America (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    friendly person, Orinoco

    (courtesy of Bill Maher)

    Psst! Meet me at the Electoral College campus. The baggers will never find it!

    by lotac on Tue Dec 04, 2012 at 06:07:35 AM PST

  •  Neither (5+ / 0-)

    Join the Unitarians at your local credit union. ;-)

    No one ever died from laughing too often

    by googie on Tue Dec 04, 2012 at 06:11:35 AM PST

  •  I think the Church of (8+ / 0-)

    your Local Credit Union would be your best bet.

    I'm not entirely sure what your screed is about. Are you talking about new services offered by the big banks? Are you making an allegory about the corporatization of schools? Is your local megachurch now accepting Mastercard for Springsteen concerts?

    The choice you've proposed is between greedy and incompetent and sleazy and incompetent. You can decide which is which.

    "The problems of incompetent, corrupt, corporatist government are incompetence, corruption and corporatism, not government." Jerome a Paris

    by Orinoco on Tue Dec 04, 2012 at 06:12:50 AM PST

    •  Your second guess was correct. (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:

      it was solely about the corporatization of schools......

      Point being if it is so outrageous to corporatize a church, why is the corporatization of schools being so easily accepted by those of fundamentalist faiths?  Aren't they very similar in a way?

      Like do we test the parishioners when they come in, and when they leave to see how much they absorbed?  Do we rank priests and rabbis by having think tanks come in and observe their preaching?  

      Oh well, I guess I had too much fun creating it, that the message got lost...  Hopefully some of you chuckled from imagery while reading it as I did while writing it.. :)

      •  I think your point might be clearer (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:

        from your comment...

        I quite enjoy the imagery of ranking priests based on how their parishioners do on "value add" standardized testing...

        Fry, don't be a hero! It's not covered by our health plan!

        by elfling on Tue Dec 04, 2012 at 12:17:22 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

      •  Well, corporatization of schools (0+ / 0-)

        isn't about education, it's about money. Specifically, it's about tax dollars that are collected and spent directly on teachers, school buildings and other goods and services, without the 1% rentier class getting their cut.

        I suppose it is so easily accepted by fundamentalists because their churches, by and large, are already just about the money. So it's not much of a stretch at all for them to imagine everything else being only about money, too.

        The prosperity gospel preached in so many of those fundamentalist megachurches is a thinly disguised worship of mammon. I think that's why they call out "Jesus!" so often.

        "The problems of incompetent, corrupt, corporatist government are incompetence, corruption and corporatism, not government." Jerome a Paris

        by Orinoco on Tue Dec 04, 2012 at 03:33:23 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  Go atheist, obviously.... (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    BobBlueMass, Orinoco

    Put it all under your mattress?

  •  Your title alone deserves 1000 rec's! /nt (0+ / 0-)

    Handmade holiday gifts from Jan4insight on Zibbet. Get 10%off everytime with coupon code KOSSACK.

    by jan4insight on Tue Dec 04, 2012 at 10:51:29 AM PST

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