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Hopefully everyone is having a good day this Christmas. Since I'm sitting here, trying to find something decent to watch to pass the time, I thought I might revisit a favorite topic.

In the past, I've written pieces that asked what were the worst political gaffes & mistakes. I usually find the horribly run campaigns more fascinating to read about, since it's a group of supposedly smart people, with millions of dollars in contributions, who fail spectacularly. Usually at the heart of every political mistake is someone or a group of someones that got their heads together & came up with a policy proposal, campaign move, statement of reaction, or other "cunning plan" that wasn't thought all the way through, and it fails to live up in execution to how well it read on paper.

Most bad movies are concocted in a similar manner, except instead of a group of political aides sitting around a table trying to fashion a poll tested message, it's a group of film executives sitting around a table trying to fashion a film around screen-test results.

But there are many ways to jump on the Fail Boat, and screw up horrendously. There are many different levels of bad, with some films that are just plain bad, some that are Godawfully bad, and still others that are so bad they become an enjoyable experience.

So a simple question for the evening: Which bad film experiences stand out, and why?

As the xkcd graph above shows, there are some films that are so bad they defy the very fabric of the universe & become watchable in spite of themselves. It could be just the "car wreck" factor, or somehow, someway all of the negatives come together & become positives.

Usually a good script can rise above bad acting, but a bad script will drag down good actors. There are some exception to this. For example, there's the interesting career of Patrick Swayze, who had a way of making lemonade out of lemons & arguably one of the greatest ranges of any actor in his particular era of films (e.g. any guy that can be believable in 'Red Dawn' & 'Road House,' and also 'Ghost' & 'Dirty Dancing' has range). 'Road House' is a movie that on paper should NOT work, and probably only works because of Swayze's performance. If you plugged almost any other actor into that role, the movie wouldn't be the cult film it is today. Arguably, the same thing is true for 'Point Break.'


And then there's the so bad it's good territory called "Midnight Movie." The most infamous example of this is 'The Rocky Horror Picture Show.' However, Tommy Wiseau’s 'The Room' has been called a "true successor" to the 'Rocky Horror' throne. It's a horribly acted, written, and directed film, that has the production values of a late-night soft-core porn film you would see on Cinemax, from a guy that looks like he escaped from the set of a Geico Cavemen commercial.

Thanks mainly to an excellent Entertainment Weekly piece by Clark Collis, what was once a well-kept L.A.-only secret—or as secret as anything promoted by a bizarre billboard could be—has recently been spreading throughout the country, popping up in sold-out shows in New York and other cities, and on a recent episode of Tim And Eric Awesome Show Awesome Show, Great Job! Approaching the film as a Chicago-based outsider, with a healthy skepticism of L.A. phenomena of any stripe, I’m now convinced that it’s the real deal. It may not have the staying power of a Rocky Horror, if only because midnight-movie culture just isn’t as sustainable as it once was, but in the annals of bad cinema, The Room deserves shelf-space next to Ed Wood’s Glen Or Glenda? Both are personal and shockingly amateurish laughers that put their directors in front of the camera and are all too revealing of their odd peccadilloes. Wood has a thing for angora sweaters; Wiseau has a thing for pillow fights, red roses, and the Golden Gate Bridge. Who are we not to luxuriate in their fetishes?

Making a movie is a large undertaking. Even the independent filmmakers who're trying to make a name for themselves by maxing out their credit cards on a production are in for a long process. However, there are some films that while watching you start wondering how it's possible to spend hundreds of millions on a movie, and it seem like not a dime went towards the piss poor script? On the other hand, there are times where the filmmakers' reach exceed their grasp. People complain all the time about the same cookie-cutter movies made over & over again. But there's a thin line between creativity & going off the rails.

From the A.V. Club:

The same ambition, chutzpah, and admirable willingness to risk looking like a complete jackass in the eyes of an often-unforgiving public that fuel some of the biggest fiascos of all time also drive revered classics. The same mad-prophet ambition that made The Deer Hunter a triumph helped make Heaven’s Gate a career- and studio-killing bomb. The same audacity that made Roberto Benigni think a concentration camp was an awesome setting for a heartwarming family comedy also allowed him to delude himself into thinking the public would buy him as a balding wooden puppet-boy.
There are many ways to waste money & destroy careers in the film industry. Right now, all you have to do is turn on cable & see a horribly, shitty film playing. However, the following are some of the more common ways "awesomely bad" films are made.

► These People Were Actually Nominated For Oscars... And Some Of Them Won!


An actor, actress or director lands a great project. The film is successful, gains critical acclaim, and the person is recognized with an Academy Award for their contribution. That means their career is set, and there will be nothing but roses ahead, right? Wrong.

Either through poor choices or cashing in on the success, there are a number of Oscar winners whose post-win careers have veered into a straight to DVD ditch. Since they now can be listed in the trailer & on the poster as "Academy Award Winner," the actor, actress or director now has the power to get films into production that might be stuck in development hell just by attaching their names to the project. However, there might be a good reason it was stuck in development hell.

A good example of this is Nicolas Cage, who won the Best Actor Award in 1995 for his role in 'Leaving Las Vegas.' If you look at his IMDB page for everything post-1995, arguably with the exception of 'Adaptation' & one or two others, it's pretty damn bad. And reportedly, Cage is in the position of doing any film that he gets offered to pay off debts & back-taxes.

Other examples of poor post-Oscar decisions that probably should have gotten an agent fired:

  • Halle Berry followed her 2001 Oscar winning performance in 'Monster's Ball' with the James Bond film 'Die Another Day,' the horror-thriller 'Gothika,' and then the pièce de résistance that is 'Catwoman'
  • After winning his Best Supporting Actor Oscar for 'Good Will Hunting,' Robin Williams has been in 'RV,' 'Patch Adams,' 'Jakob The Liar,' 'Bicentennial Man,' 'House of D,' 'License to Wed,' 'August Rush,' 'Old Dogs,' 'Night at the Museum,' and 'Man of the Year.'
  • It is possible to bounce back. Hillary Swank won her first Oscar for her role in 'Boys Don't Cry' in 1999. She then did a string of films that bottomed out with 2003's 'The Core.' However, her very next film was 'Million Dollar Baby.'
  • Cuba Gooding Jr. won a Best Supporting Actor Oscar for 'Jerry Maguire' in 1996. In the fifteen years since, his IMDB page consists of 'Radio,' 'Norbit,' 'Home on the Range,' 'Instinct,' 'Chill Factor,' 'Pearl Harbor,' 'Rat Race,' 'Boat Trip,' 'Snow Dogs,' and 'Daddy Day Camp.'

However, the studios won't abide diminishing returns forever, and sooner or later if things don't change, it's off to straight to DVD land... or worse... late-night soft-core porn.

► The Vanity Project


Similar to what I mentioned above, this is when someone in Hollywood has a pet project they have enough clout to get made but (for a myriad of reasons) it doesn't work. As a general rule, if in the opening credits you see the same person listed as "Produced by, Written by, Directed by, and Starring..." it's a bad sign. Yes, good films can be the product of an auteur's vision, but you could probably count on both hands the number of directors who get that kind of control & more times than not things work better in a collaborative process. Usually there needs to be someone with enough power to offer a different perspective, and from time to time say "No."

The film adaption of 'Battlefield Earth' was the pet project of John Travolta, who as a member of the Church of Scientology wanted to get L. Ron Hubbard's book to the screen.

"Some movies run off the rails. This one is like the train crash in The Fugitive. I watched it in mounting gloom, realizing I was witnessing something historic, a film that for decades to come will be the punch line of jokes about bad movies."

-Roger Ebert

As alluded to above, 1980's 'Heaven's Gate' is an infamous debacle that contributed to the collapse of United Artists & basically ruined director Michael Cimino's career. Cimino was coming off the success of 'The Deer Hunter' (which had won Academy Awards for Best Picture and Best Director in 1979), and decided on a Western Epic based on the Johnson County War.

What was originally a film budgeted for $12 million, eventually ended up costing $42 million (which if adjusted for inflation, would be over $100 million in 2011 dollars) because of blown schedules & production delays.

'Heaven's Gate' earned less than $3 million domestically when it was released.

The studio brass [forced] Cimino to trim the film from its initial runtime of just over five hours to around three hours, forty-five minutes. The theatrical cut ran about two-and-a-half-hours.

As an example of his fanatical attention to detail, a street built to Cimino's precise specifications had to be torn down and rebuilt because it reportedly "didn't look right." The street in question needed to be six feet wider; the set construction boss said it would be cheaper to tear down one side and move it back six feet, but Cimino insisted that both sides be dismantled and moved back three feet, then reassembled. An entire tree was cut down, moved in pieces, and relocated to the courtyard where the Harvard 1870 graduation scene was shot. Cimino shot more than 1.3 million feet (nearly 220 hours) of footage, costing approximately $200,000 per day.

Another interesting example of the "Vanity Project" is  M. Night Shyamalan's 'Lady in the Water.' After the critical & financial success of 'The Sixth Sense,' Shyamalan was seen as the next potential "great" filmmaker of his generation & was given a certain degree of freedom on his movies. However, every film after 'The Sixth Sense' received progressively worse reviews, and the hype backlash against Shyamalan has grown with each movie.

Maybe it's that I like what Paul Giamatti does with what he's given, but I don't find 'Lady in the Water' as bad as the likes of 'Signs' (hydrophobic aliens, wearing no protection, invade a planet covered in water, has water vapor in the atmosphere, and try to eat a species composed 3/5 of water?) or 'The Happening' (Killer plants & people running from the wind? Just think about that for a second).

From The New Republic:
Perhaps oddest of all, 'The Happening' imagines itself to be a powerfully pro-environment movie. The snatches of televised commentary we see at the end of the film declare that this murderous act of nature was a warning; everyone seems to assume the obvious lesson to take is that we’d better treat nature nicer lest it decide to start wiping us out again. Allow me to suggest, contrarily, that if millions of Americans were killed by some tree-originated pathogen that could be released again at any time, the immediate result would not be a renewed enthusiasm for peaceful coexistence, but rather a program of deforestation so aggressive it’d make the Brazilian lumber industry look like tree huggers.
However, 'Lady in the Water' is Shyamalan's least successful film. It also caused a very public split between Shyamalan & Disney (which distributed 'The Sixth Sense,' 'Unbreakable,' 'Signs,' and 'The Village'), who had problems with elements like Shyamalan casting himself in the film as a visionary writer whose work inspires a Messiah.

A more recent example of this trope were the film adaptions of Ayn Rand's 'Atlas Shrugged.' One of the more interesting points made in the A.V. Club's review of 'Atlas Shrugged: Part I' is that it shares a lot in common with the films made by far-right Christian groups about the end of the world, which is funny since Objectivism is atheistic.

Atlas Shrugged: Part I desperately wants to be a genuine Hollywood movie, just as badly as Christian filmmakers want to replicate the look, feel, and production values of their godless would-be peers/cultural enemies. It proves just as unsuccessful, yet Atlas Shrugged: Part I gets close enough for its efforts to be poignant, comic, and a little pathetic.

As with Christian tribulation movies, there is no place for nuance or understatement in Atlas Shrugged: Part I. We are not being seduced; we’re being sold with the hardest sell imaginable. Both films depict peculiar persecution fantasies in which the dominant ideologies of the day—Christianity and capitalism—are hounded relentlessly by the one-world-government brigade and the nefarious forces of encroaching socialism, respectively. These movies give victors an opportunity to feel like victims. What do you give a demographic that has everything? The righteous opportunity to feel like they have nothing, and like what little they have is on the verge of being taken away.

► Executive Meddling


This is the other end of the spectrum. Sometimes the "suits" have a point, but sometimes the studio can screw-up a film by bringing everything down to the lowest common denominator. They do it not because it makes for better art, but because they think viewers are stupid. They also need a PG-13 rating too, in order to make sure the film gets wide distribution & teens/children can watch too. So only one "Fuck" allowed, violent but not too violent, and please no sex.

From TV Tropes:

  • 'Blade Runner' - Amongst the things the executives tried to change was adding narration by the protagonist, Deckard, to explain the story, because they felt the viewers wouldn't understand the movie otherwise. Harrison Ford protested loudly to this, and he was basically forced to provide the narration (with many fans suspecting Ford purposely read the narration with no life to show his displeasure with it, although Ford denies it & claims it was just badly written). Executive meddling also changed the ending to have Deckard and Rachael driving off, using footage from a different movie. Luckily, several versions have since been released that removed all these changes.
  • Ralph Bakshi's 'Cool World' suffered from perhaps one of the more extensive cases of Executive Meddling. Originally, the movie was supposed to be about half-doodle/half-human Debbie Dallas, out to kill her human father for causing her to exist. The executives secretly rewrote the script and handed it back to Bakshi, changing the animated horror/thriller story to one about an artist getting trapped by his own creation. Bakshi also intended to have Drew Barrymore as the female lead, but instead they stuck him with Kim Basinger, who thought that it was a children's movie.
  • 'Kingdom of Heaven'... one of the biggest examples on how Executive Meddling can ruin a film. It was originally more than 3 hours and cut after the studio forced Ridley Scott to do so. Complete elements of the story went out the window; many characters and much of the plot were altered with this move, none more than the character of Sibylla. King Baldwin V, Sibylla's son, was cut completely from the movie. Depth for many characters was cut, such as much of Balian's backstory. When this movie opened in theaters, it was met with mostly poor reviews.
  • Russell Mulcahy, the director of 'Highlander II: The Quickening,' has blamed the incredible crappiness that is the film on the fact that the film's insurance company took over production after he repeatedly came in late and over-budget. They made numerous changes to the movie, including changing the Immortals' Back Story, and merging together the two fight scenes between MacLeod and the villainous Katana. Mulcahy tried to salvage the movie later by re-cutting it to match his original vision as best he could and releasing it as Highlander II: The Renegade Version. The movie was still pretty terrible, and future movies ignored it.
  • 'Brazil.' Dear Lord, Brazil. Universal tried to hack this film — now considered one of the greatest, most intelligent sci-fi films ever made — down from 142 minutes to 97 (that's 45 minutes there, folks) give it a happy ending, turn it into a love story, and replace Michael Kamen's orchestral score with hit rock music to "attract the teens". Director Terry Gilliam fought for and secured a theatrical release of his preferred 132-minute cut, without the studio's permission, and it is this version which is the standard on home video as opposed to the studio's "Love Conquers All" cut.

► The Unnecessary Prequel/Sequel/Franchise Killer


If something is successful, why not do it again & make more money? However, if you want to make more money & a good product as well, the sequel/prequel/reboot runs into a situation that requires a fine balance. It can't be more of the same, or people will complain it's redundant. And it can't be too different, or people will complain the filmmakers forgot the elements that made the original film great. And if it doesn't work, it can lead to a "Broken Base," where fans will just ignore entire elements of the story or reassess how good the original product actually was.

'The Matrix' is a great film. The problem though is they didn't stop after the first film. Many feel the impact of the original film has been dragged down by the two sequels ('The Matrix Reloaded' & 'The Matrix Revolutions'), and some fans of the original like to pretend the sequels don't exist.

If the concern was the overall story, then the 'Star Wars' Prequels should have never been made. They're not necessary, and do the opposite of enhancing the original films. They diminish them. They also suffer from some of the things I wrote about in the Vanity Project section. You just get the feeling that at no point during the production of any of the prequel films did anyone pull George Lucas aside & say "I just don't think Jar Jar works in the film." Instead, it was "Yes sir, Mr. Lucas. I'll get right on making Darth Vader's "Nooooooo!!!!" scream even more ridiculous."  With the original trilogy, Lucas didn't have as much power, had problems getting the production of 'A New Hope' off the ground, and it was more of a collaborative process. The film generally considered the best in the series, 'The Empire Strikes Back,' had its screenplay written by Leigh Brackett & Lawrence Kasdan, with Irvin Kershner directing it.

And then there's Joel Schumacher's 'Batman and Robin.'

Better known as the movie that killed Batman, for awhile anyway.

To grasp how truly bad this movie is, keep in mind that it put the Batman movie franchise on hold for eight years, and when it did kick in again it was a complete reboot.

After the box-office success of 1995's Batman Forever, a sequel was inevitable. Audiences that backlashed against the Darker And Edgier Batman Returns found the lighter, more comedic tone of Forever to be a welcome change of pace. So come 1997, what does Warner Bros. do? Secure an All Star Cast, turn the camp Up To Eleven, and throw $125 million into the production of the film. What came out is a film that many people love to hate, even to this day.

Both the 'Star Wars' prequels and 'Batman and Robin' are also examples of being.....

► Commercials For Toys, The Soundtrack, Cups At McDonalds, etc.


I remember an episode of HBO's "The Chris Rock Show" where Chris' guest was Spike Lee. If I remember right, they were discussing how a movie like 'Belly' got made, and Chris Rock's response was "The Soundtrack." The film is not really a film. It's a ninety minute commercial (or music video) for the soundtrack.

A film's profit is more than just its box office nowadays. It's also merchandising (toys, video games, coloring books, cups at McDonald's, etc.) So it's entirely possible for a movie to not make back it's budget, and still be successful. Of course, in order to do this it sometimes restructuring the plot to include elements that may make little to no sense. As a general rule of thumb, if you're watching a film and a character or object shows up that doesn't fit, ask yourself whether it could be sold as an action figure & then you'll have your answer.

► "Paint By Numbers" Versus "True Art Is Incomprehensible"


This is probably the greatest source of bad films.

When I did the diary about TV & Film clichés, I noted that almost every work employs a certain amount of tried & true clichés, conventions, formulas, and stereotypes to hold a story together. In a good film these type of things are usually forgiven, since the audience doesn't really notice 'em. However, in bad films they stand out like a sore thumb, with the writer & director sometimes serving up a "cliché storm" to the audience. Depending on the film, it's possible for it to work, but usually it leads to an uncreative, boring mess in which the viewer could figure out the major plot beats during the first five minutes.

For example, Roland Emmerich's '2012' goes down a checklist of disaster film clichés. Among them:

  • An Apocalyptic event that defies all known "real" science is discovered.
  • Secret government conspiracy/program to save humanity.
  • The government program will be lead by the biggest asshole the world has ever known, who will disregard any & all advice given to him.
  • A precious few find out about the coming DOOM and try to warn their family, which they are estranged from.
  • The disaster begins, which is signified by blowing up a given country's national monuments.
  • The survival of everyone is dependent on the guy who's estranged from his family doing something incredibly heroic, which "earns" his redemption in his family's eyes.

On the other end of the spectrum are the films that throw out the clichés & structure, not as part of a coherent narrative decision, but as a purposeful way to show how different they are. A lot of bad "Art" films wallow in this. Things don't make sense? The plot is incomprehensible? You "just don't get it."
"I shudder if the majority of people look at my brush work and say it is pretty, for then I know it is ordinary and I have failed. If they say they do not understand it, or even that it is ugly, I am happy, for I have succeeded."
An interesting middle ground example between these two extremes is 1999's 'American Beauty,' directed by Sam Mendes and written by Alan Ball. When it was released, the film was critically lauded and won Academy Awards for Best Picture, Best Director, Best Actor (for Kevin Spacey), Best Original Screenplay and Best Cinematography.

However, the film has not exactly aged well, and it now has a tendency to show up on lists of the most overrated Best Picture Oscar winners of all-time. It largely stems from the fact that when you sit down & watch it now, 'American Beauty' comes off as a movie that thinks it's really "deep" in its cultural commentary when it's not (i.e. "You mean upper middle class people have dysfunctions and problems too?!?!"). Nothing exemplifies that more than a scene of characters watching & pontificating on the significance of a plastic bag floating in the wind.

► Gimmick-y Movie-making


Sometimes movies aren't really about anything. Not in the Seinfeld-ian sense, but they're not really about characters, or story progression. They're centered around a concept or gimmick to put butts in seats. The problem though is that a gimmick might get people to take a chance on a film, but you can't really base a two hour film around a gimmick... at least you can't base a good film around a gimmick.

1995's 'Showgirls,' directed by Paul Verhoeven & written by Joe Eszterhas (who sold the script for this sucker for what was a record $2 million at the time) is a prime example of this trope. The entire marketing hook & hype for 'Showgirls' was sex. I believe it's the only studio film to have a wide release with a NC-17 rating. The trailer for 'Showgirls' plays up what they can't show you, and how "erotic" and "controversial" the film will be. It's probably the last big-budget studio sex film. (Although, I guess I should point out that Steven Soderbergh's 'Magic Mike' is basically the same story as 'Showgirls,' just done a bit more sanely & from the perspective of a male character.)

Rather than using nudity for artistic or dramatic purposes, this is the movie with the chick from "Saved By The Bell" getting naked for the sake of getting naked.
However, sex scenes is not the only way to gimmick-up a film. How many times have you seen a movie marketed for its explosions, violence, stunt casting, visual effects, and the most recent one of "Lifelike 3D!," only to see it and find out that beyond the CGI-gasms there's nothing else? Bad horror films are particularly bad offenders of this one. Some are marketed as the "scariest" film you'll ever see. It's so scary they can't even show you clips from the film. May God help you if you come to the theater, because you may die from a heart attack. And then you finally see the film, and it's a cliché ridden crapfest.

Of course, you can put gratuitous violence & gratuitous sex together & get a hackneyed combination as well. I once wrote a diary on controversial films too. In the comments, 1979's 'Caligula' was mentioned. The film is primarily infamous for trying to straddle the line between being high art & a porn film, and failing miserably at both. The original script was written by Gore Vidal (who later disowned the film) and it was directed by Tinto Brass. However, the film was produced by Bob Guccione, the founder of Penthouse magazine, who had final cut. Unhappy with Brass' product, he brought in someone else to recut the film & added in hardcore sex scenes (with some of them not making any sense to what little plot the movie had). This led to many different versions of the film.

There are nine different cuts of 'Caligula,' and with each of them you're still left pondering how a movie with good actors (Malcolm McDowell, Helen Mirren, Peter O'Toole, John Gielgud), and gratuitous amounts of sex & violence, can be so damn boring?

From the A.V. Club:

A porno starring Malcolm McDowell, Helen Mirren, Peter O’Toole, and John Gielgud? Oh hell yeah. I was under no illusion that Caligula would be any good at all, and that 156-minute run time did make me nervous (yes, I went with the unrated cut; would you expect less?), but some movies persist in the cultural memory simply because they’re so outrageous, we can’t help but be delighted they’re real. Oh of course it’s trash, and of course it’s filth and perversion and horse-fucking and girl-on-girl and Peter O’Toole being crazy and Malcolm McDowell fisting a dude and—wait, what was I saying? Right. It’s trash, but in concept at least, it has the potential of being gloriously transgressive trash... Watching Caligula is like flipping back and forth between a prestigious but dull historical epic and a movie in which people masturbate a lot. The masturbation may be some kind of symbolism, but when you’re watching actual genitalia onscreen... well, to paraphrase Freud, sometimes a dick is just a dick.

It’s tempting to blame most of Caligula’s flaws on Guccione’s meddling, and there’s little doubt that his additions—including, most infamously, a five-minute lesbian sex scene that doesn’t have anything to do with anything beyond being a five-minute lesbian sex scene—were distracting, pointless, and, by the end, irritatingly dull. During a late-movie orgy sequence, I’d swear I saw the same woman giving the same guy the same blowjob at least six times. Apart from ruining any sense of narrative momentum, the constant assault of fuckery just gets old. It starts as shocking, becomes compelling in a Rube-Goldberg-meets-the-Marquis-De-Sade kind of way, but by the time you hit your third finger-bang, the magic is gone...

Take the plot: Malcolm McDowell plays Caligula, inveterate sister-fucker and heir to not-quite-dead Emperor Tiberius (Peter O’Toole). The movie opens with a familiar quote about gaining the world and losing one’s soul, but let’s be honest here: When your idea of a perfect day involves romping naked through the woods with a sibling, then screwing that sibling to your heart’s content, the soul train has already left your particular station.

Originally posted to 医生的宫殿 on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:08 PM PST.

Also republished by What are you watching?.

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  •  Tip Jar (130+ / 0-)
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  •  I will never forgive Highlander II (21+ / 0-)

    I loved the original.   The second was like being told everything you just watched was not real.

    I sat in a theater with free tickets to these:

    Howard the Duck
    Johny Neumonic
    Battlefield Earth

    All pretty terrible, but I could poke fun at them.

    The only film I've ever walked out of was Postcards from the Edge.

    Though there are a few that I came pretty close to walking out of.

    Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

    by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:13:14 PM PST

    •  Dungeons and Dragons: The Movie (10+ / 0-)

      ... was the movie I came the closest (very, very close) to walking out on. Hideous, just awful.

      ... there is always an easy solution to every problem -- neat, plausible and wrong. - H. L. Mencken

      by renbear on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:56:22 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Any three year old could write a better script. (6+ / 0-)

        And half have.

        That was my review of Dungeons and Dragons: The Movie.  I was at least grateful that they didn't bother lifting items names or terminology from the books.  Adding that kind of dorkitude is about the only way I can think of to make this movie worse.

        -7.75 -4.67

        "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."

        There are no Christians in foxholes.

        by Odysseus on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:05:29 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  I watched Resident Evil: Retribution (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          Odysseus, jds1978

          Today, home on Bluray, thanks to Redbox.  It made so little sense that I still have almost no idea how it fits in with the film before it.

          Yes, they've all been pretty "eh" though occasionally entertaining, but I couldn't figure out WTF was going on or why anything mattered all the way to the end.

          Pardon the crass phrase to those who are offended:  but it was like special effects masturbation without a money shot.

          Horrible.  If I had seen it in a theater or not via Redbox, I would have walked out

          Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

          by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:46:35 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

        •  Actually, they did. As an example, the "low (0+ / 0-)

          level" wizard used a Dimension Door (short range teleport) spell which requires being 9th level to cast.  Considering the game only goes up to 20 I wouldn't call 9th level "low".

          You have watched Faux News, now lose 2d10 SAN.

          by Throw The Bums Out on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:31:31 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

      •  I felt that way with A Boy and His Dog. (0+ / 0-)

        But I did walk out.

        202-224-3121 to Congress in D.C. USE it! You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage them. "We're not perfect, but they're nuts."--Barney Frank 01/02/2012

        by cany on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:39:12 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  That's one of my all time favorites (5+ / 0-)

          The acting is atrocious but it's a great story.  I'm really into post-apocalyptic SF though.  I even liked The Postman.  

          Praxis: Bold as Love

          by VelvetElvis on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:44:49 PM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  I loved the Postman. Hated HATED BandhisD (0+ / 0-)

            202-224-3121 to Congress in D.C. USE it! You can tell how big a person is by what it takes to discourage them. "We're not perfect, but they're nuts."--Barney Frank 01/02/2012

            by cany on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:53:50 PM PST

            [ Parent ]

            •  No problems with Postman (1+ / 0-)
              Recommended by:
              schnecke21

              There were moments I felt it got long, but I liked the core of the story.   So, I have no real problems with it.

              Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

              by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 10:00:15 PM PST

              [ Parent ]

          •  Oh, you are, are you? (0+ / 0-)

            Have you seen Damnation Alley? Horrible stinker from 1977 but fun to heckle. ;)

            Thank your stars you're not that way/Turn your back and walk away/Don't even pause and ask them why/Turn around and say 'goodbye'/Just wish them well.....

            by Purple Priestess on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:07:07 PM PST

            [ Parent ]

          •  The Postman is a fantastic book! (0+ / 0-)

            Costner should have been banned from directing after what he did with it in the movie. The story he told had almost nothing in common with the book... no depth of character, no Oracle preserving science, no commentary on the struggle between citizen and soldier, no battle between super soldiers. Costner ruined the chance for a truly great story to be told.

    •  Highlander II (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      MT Spaces, koNko, Matt Z

      Great film to watch for laughs.  Siskel and Ebert agreed it was the worst film of 1991, and they're right.  OTOH, for an absolutely terrible film it's surprisingly entertaining.  Sean Connery knows he's in a terrible film, so he sees it as a good opportunity for some harmless fun.  Michael Ironside so overacts his part that it's hilarious.

      Best to see with friends and intoxicants.

      Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

      by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:37:22 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I have a soft spot for Johnny Neumonic (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      koNko, Matt Z, northsylvania

      the rest are pure trash.

      "I watch Fox News for my comedy, and Comedy Central for my news." - Facebook Group

      by Sychotic1 on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:02:28 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I walked out of Thirteen Days. (0+ / 0-)

      For some reason beyond my comprehension it has 83% on Rotten Tomatoes, but the one and only time I saw it, the thing was a giant mess.  Random dramatic music playing in scenes where it made no sense whatsoever, interjecting into the scene at the wrong times, and then just stopping for no reason.  Cliche historical dialog and setup.  No real insight into anything.  Either I'm insane or they must have done a radical re-edit on the thing after its theatrical release to make critics like it.

      In Roviet Union, money spends YOU.

      by Troubadour on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 05:16:00 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  walked out on a film called Mahler (0+ / 0-)

      Actually I didn't, but my ex-wife did and I had to go with her.  She hated it.  I didn't mind what I saw of it, but I'll never hold any true opinion since we left after an hour.

      A learning experience is one of those things that says, 'You know that thing you just did? Don't do that.' Douglas Adams

      by dougymi on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 08:14:20 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  The Room (19+ / 0-)

    has to be the worst ever...and it has lots of competition.

    The Last Airbender was pretty awful too...tried to sit through it with my son but we both bailed pretty quickly. Just awful.

    "one useless man is a shame, two is a law firm, and three or more is a congress" -- John Adams

    by blue armadillo on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:20:49 PM PST

    •  The Room - Basically Unwatchable (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      koNko, Matt Z, blue armadillo

      Not bad enough to be "good" - just bad. And way too long.

      "Some people pay for what others pay to avoid." -- Howard Devoto /// "Patience is a virtue, but I don't have the time." -- David Byrne

      by droopyd on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 01:47:36 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  There was an emergency in the theater when (0+ / 0-)

      my kids and I went to see The Last Airbender. It happened during the first half of the movie. They cleared the theater and then let people back in after a couple of minutes.

      It was so bad, my kids (at age 8) didn't want to go back in.  And kids that age are not known for cinematic taste.  

      BagNewsNotes: Visual Politics, Media Image Analysis

      by ksh01 on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:27:48 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Late 50's Horror: "Teenagers From Outer Space" (21+ / 0-)

    Also, silhouettes of giant upright walking lobsters. Many lines delivered with the fluency of Floyd R. Turbo.

    The full movie is on Youtube.

    Caligula was one we walked out on, also Ishtar.

    We are called to speak for the weak, for the voiceless, for victims of our nation and for those it calls enemy.... --ML King "Beyond Vietnam"

    by Gooserock on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:23:53 PM PST

  •  Wonderful. (14+ / 0-)

    No-one but you could do this, in my opinion. I was pretty sure you would mention Showgirls.

    Ceiling Cat rules....srsly.

    by side pocket on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:24:33 PM PST

  •  Two notes (14+ / 0-)

    1. Don't diss Showgirls. It works as camp.
    2. Worst movie ever? Just Cause, starring Sean Connery, Blair Underwood, Ed Harris and Laurence Fishburne.  An unimaginably convoluted, racist SotL ripoff and an insult to the audience.

  •  You can tell how bad a sean connery movie (18+ / 0-)

    is going to be based on the length of his hair. The longer the hair, the worse the movie. Long hair: Zardoz, medicine man, higlander. Short Hair: the untouchables, bond movies.

    "I smoke. If this bothers anyone, I suggest you look around at the world in which we live and shut your fuckin' mouth." --- Bill Hicks

    by voroki on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:28:48 PM PST

  •  Oh my God, The Happening! (17+ / 0-)

    I'm glad you mentioned that one. That was the worst movie experience I've ever had. It was like M. Night Shyamalan took a giant shit on the screen and then laughed at the audience.

    Well, I can't say it was the worst experience I've ever had. See, the movie was so freaking terrible that I bonded with other people in the theater. We laughed together. At one point in the movie (which was supposed to be dramatic), one of the characters said in horrified surprise upon finding out everybody down the road was dead..."Cheese and crackers!"

    Homosexuality is found in over 450 species. Homophobia is found in only one. Which one seems unnatural now?

    by Chrislove on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:30:50 PM PST

  •  I question Bladerunner being on the list at all. (21+ / 0-)

    It holds up quite well, with "happy ending" or original. Also, Zardoz was certainly an interesting film, which showed some thought.

    On the other hand, like many sequels, Highlander Ii, Highlander IIi, etc. should be classified dumb and dumberer. Among other things, they miss a point made by J.R.R. Tolkien in one of his Letters (ed. by his son) that you need unexplained vistas to create depth. If you explain some then more are needed. Yet I saw a comment somewhere that a director or writer of High III (whatever it's really called) was really excited when he found a snippet (a secretary and ex-girlfriend of the Highlander in I) to expand. As they tried to "explain" in rather silly fashions the Immortals being "immortal"

    They're aliens!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

    "A young man who wishes to remain a sound Atheist cannot be too careful of his reading. There are traps everywhere ". C. S. Lewis

    by TofG on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:31:13 PM PST

  •  Known a few aspiring filmmakers (15+ / 0-)

    And if there's one thing I've learned it's this:  If you don't have a good story to tell you are screwed.  True, a good story can be easily defeated by fuckups elsewhere, but without the story the situation is hopeless.    You can spend all the money in the world on gear, lighting and sets.  None of it will save you.

    The one exception is an Iranian film I saw a few years back (not sure of the title, A Taste of Cherry ??)  with no story at all - and it was still a wonderful film.  

  •  Don't know about worst ever (11+ / 0-)

    but "The Master" was pretty bad....

    "Fascism is attracting the dregs of humanity- people with a slovenly biography - sadists, mental freaks, traitors." - ILYA EHRENBURG

    by durrati on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:32:57 PM PST

  •  Woerst movie: How about The Hottie and the Nottie? (6+ / 0-)

    "A young man who wishes to remain a sound Atheist cannot be too careful of his reading. There are traps everywhere ". C. S. Lewis

    by TofG on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:34:16 PM PST

  •  Worst: Ishtar (1987) (16+ / 0-)

    Stars:

     Warren Beatty, Dustin Hoffman and Isabelle Adjani

    Two terrible lounge singers get booked to play a gig in a Moroccan hotel but somehow become pawns in an international power play between the CIA, the Emir of Ishtar, and the rebels trying to overthrow his regime.

    "the Devil made me buy this dress!" Flip Wilson as Geraldine Jones

    by BlueJessamine on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:35:40 PM PST

  •  Ishtar (13+ / 0-)

    was the worst of the worst ever made.

    And that stupid Meryl Streep/Goldie Hawn movie that was really not a movie, but a "look what new special effect we just came up with" commercial.

    We've been spelling it wrong all these years. It's actually: PRO-GOP-ANDA

    by Patriot4peace on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:38:03 PM PST

  •  There are so many (23+ / 0-)

    The Avengers, the recent one with Ralph Fiennes, sucked badly.  A recent clunky effort by James Brooks, How Do You Know (no question mark) wasted the talents of Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon and Jack Nicholson.  I've sat through so many bad kids' movies that I've blocked them out.  Oh, and thanks for the review of American Beauty--I loathed that misogynistic claptrap that made Annette Bening the shrieking harpy and Kevin Spacey the "cool" leering asshole.

    "Maybe we should march on the campus of the electoral college and occupy it until they change their vote"--some wingnut, Worldnetdaily

    by chicago minx on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:39:48 PM PST

  •  Worst movies ever... (15+ / 0-)

    Well, I had a show where I reviewed some of these, so these are the ones I personally found the Hardest to review:

    Tim and Eric's Billion Dollar Movie:  

    Oh god, this was nearly impossible to sit through.  I turned it off at least 4 times while writing the script because... it was just THAT awful.  Scat jokes, non-jokes, blatant rip offs of other movies, and fourth wall breaking that manages to come off as both condescending and stupid at the same time.

    The Forty One Year Old Virgin Who Knocked Up Sarah Marshall and Felt Superbad about it:

    Yes this was a real movie.  It literally just cribbed most of the script from the movies it was "Parodying" and then added non-funny jokes, including the Verizon Guy.  5 times.

    And of course... Norbit.

    Oh god Norbit... Fatsuit comedy at its absolute worst.

    I don't blame Christians. I blame Stupid. Which sadly is a much more popular religion these days.

    by detroitmechworks on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:40:48 PM PST

  •  "Excalibur." (13+ / 0-)

    endless.
    and stuck in row 4.

    * Join: The Action: End the Bush Tax Cuts for Richest Two Percent * Addington's Perpwalk: TRAILHEAD of Accountability for Bush-2 Crimes.

    by greenbird on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:41:49 PM PST

    •  I loved Excalibur (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      MT Spaces, ORDem, blueoregon

      I've liked all the John Boorman films I've seen.

      I love the way Excalibur begins with Siegfried's Funeral Music from Götterdämmerung.  You know it's going to end badly.

      And Helen Mirren is always wonderful.

      Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

      by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:50:47 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Thank you! (0+ / 0-)

      My Hubby and I call this Arthurian Flash Cards on Film. The script is horrible, the costumes are awful -brushed aluminum armor?! - the acting was hammy... Ugh. A good example of how NOT to do the Arthurian myths.

      Thank your stars you're not that way/Turn your back and walk away/Don't even pause and ask them why/Turn around and say 'goodbye'/Just wish them well.....

      by Purple Priestess on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:17:50 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Surely you don't mean the 1981 Boorman pic? (0+ / 0-)

      I would call it the definitive interpretation of the Arthur legend.

      In Roviet Union, money spends YOU.

      by Troubadour on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 05:27:16 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I didn't see it that way. (0+ / 0-)

      I thought Excalibur (1981) was one of the best fantasy films ever made.  The one thing they got wrong (if I'm correct) was that full-bodied sheet steel body armor didn't exist in the 6th century.

  •  It was late . . . (11+ / 0-)

    and I was browsing ebay while I was watching . . . but I didn't think Battlefield Earth was that bad.  

    Yeah, okay, maybe it was.

    Fun diary.

    My entry for worst film ever?  

    The Fountain.

    •  you LIKED the snot-breather devices? (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      claytonben, MT Spaces, Matt Z

      this is the only movie in my life i've ever walked out of - joined by two thirds of the house!

      bleeech!

    •  I agree about "Battlefield Earth" (0+ / 0-)

      It won't ever rival "Citizen Kane", but I remember five minutes into it -- I was watching it on video tape -- & after I had identified half a dozen factual errors, that I had to turn off my critical mind to get thru this movie. I believe it took me a six-pack to get thru it.

      I was sort of disappointed that it wasn't bad to the level of "Manos, the Hands of Fate", which is the yardstick all bad movies are measured against. So bad, that I'm amazed it survived to be discovered by the folks at MST3K. (Hey, storage space in film rental libraries costs money, & I wonder that all of the copies hadn't been thrown out to make space for watchable movies that paid their way.)

      "Battlefield Earth" reminded me of the old 50s-era science fiction movies I used to watch on Saturday afternoons: they were dumb, formulaic, but fascinating to an 8-year-old. "Battlefield Earth" was like one of those, only with better special effects. Not the worst movie out there by any measure -- & it must have destroyed the career of John Travolta & any hairdresser associated with it -- but it would appeal to any young boy with a lack of critical sense.

    •  The Fountain tries too hard. (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Rimjob

      It's pretty much the only movie where Darren Aronofsky doesn't seem to know where he's trying to go, and only ends up there after a lot of arduous missteps.  He should have worked backwards from the supernova epiphany.

      In Roviet Union, money spends YOU.

      by Troubadour on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 05:29:08 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Brazil is one of the worst films ever. (8+ / 0-)

    Ugh. It's an ugly movie with a terrible ending. A happy ending could only improve it.

    As for Oscar winning movies that are terrible, check out The English Patient. Try to empathize with an evil Nazi committing adultery because he's bored (really, that's the impression I got) and hates the woman he's committing adultery with. I couldn't. I personally hate everyone involved with writing this film.

    Oscar winner any more, to me, signals "This person was the most personally popular with the Academy rich boys who voted for her/him," not "This is clearly a great movie/performance."

  •  The Matrix (9+ / 0-)

    The movies were all good entertainment, but I never saw how anyone could consider them as somehow profound.  I usually avoid any move with a number > 1 attached to the title.  The Matrix series were an exception.  They did not suck.

  •  Remember standing up and (9+ / 0-)

    booing at the end of Terms of Endearment. Had never done that before and have never done since. Think McLaine even got an Oscar for that dreadful movie. After that, have been very careful about the movies I choose to see though have let some real clunkers slip by.

    •  Agreed. Worst thing about it for me was (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Portlaw, Matt Z

      Deborah Winger's character.  She's that annoying sort of "spunky" character, who's really just conventional but with a smart mouth.  Then she's put in a real situation where that spunkiness has to pay of a real hard life way

      (SPOILER ALERT!!!)

      when se catches her weasel of a louse of a husband (played by Jeff Daniels) cheating on her, takes their kids and sets off to confront the harsh reality of being a single mom, promising to have us see whether or not all her spunkiness could reveal some real inner-strength.

      Instead she gets cancer, and the movie becomes yet another trope (like any Lifetime or Hallmark movie) of family and loved ones dealing with the sympathetic cancer patient.

      And that horrid scene with the feminist career women (arrayed in full ugly charicature)at lunch with Winger left me with the taste of bile.  

      "There's something fundamentally wrong with a a system where a handful of people have more than they'd ever need and the mass of the people have less than they always need." -- Rev. Joseph Lowery

      by caul on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:59:38 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Remember standing up and (0+ / 0-)

      Thank you for the first laugh of the day. A hard one at that. I have never seen the film. My sister did when an Aunt was dying of cancer and she came home a hot mess and that was enough to stop that.

      I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. Kurt Vonnegut

      by klimtone on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 09:37:30 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Worst remakes (16+ / 0-)

    3. "The Wicker Man" (with Nicolas Cage): The 1972 Edward Woodward classic had a regular policeman of not much faith trapped on an island where the boats don't go out or come in enough, and he dies an actual martyr. The new one substituted "feminists" for neo-druids and "no technology" for fertility rites.

    2. "Bedazzled" (2000): The 1967 original is perfect. Therefore, Larry Gelbart decided to ruin it. Instead of Dudley Moore and Peter Cooke at their best, we get Elizabeth Hurley filled with contempt and Brendan Frazier in a series of unfunny vignettes. Where the 1967 film had been a clever adaptation of Faust, the year 2000 one has a magical black man teach Brendan Frazier that he is in charge of his own destiny.

    1. The worst remake ever: "City of Angels" from "Wings of Desire." Wim Wenders did not manage to convey the story he intended, and in the process gave us a better story. The elusive and evocative film has an angel desiring the world of ambiguity and sensation and a trapeze artist longing for serenity and spirituality, and both in their desires reach toward one another. The remake has a plucky neurosurgeon who gives Nicolas Cage (again) a lustful thought, so he chucks it all away for love.

    And, not a remake, but it deserves mention for the "titles aren't copyrighted, so I'll do what I want" fad:

    "Beowulf" -- Neil Gaiman did not strike his name from the script. When a director says that he's setting out to make a "boring" book he last looked at when he was fourteen interesting, run!

    People complain about dirt, but I'd like to see them make some.

    by The Geogre on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:57:20 PM PST

    •  I loved Wings of Desire (15+ / 0-)

      I saw it just a few months after my husband and I visited Berlin and saw the Wall;  the movie captured what that city was like at the time, in my opinion.  City of Angels was awful.

      "Maybe we should march on the campus of the electoral college and occupy it until they change their vote"--some wingnut, Worldnetdaily

      by chicago minx on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:02:21 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Yes!, thanks, i forgot these. (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Avila, caul

      "Let us never forget that doing the impossible is the history of this nation....It's how we are as Americans...It's how this country was built"- Michelle Obama

      by blueoregon on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:04:45 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Remaking bad movies v great ones (6+ / 0-)

        In the 1979 - 83 period, there were two remakes of cold war fear films that I thought were very good.

        I thought both "Invasion of the Body Snatchers," with Donald Sutherland, and "Cat People," with Natasia Kinski, did not harm the originals' thematically and contributed a nice layer of aestheticism to them.

        People complain about dirt, but I'd like to see them make some.

        by The Geogre on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:15:44 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  Sad news (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Avila, caul, Laurence Lewis

      I loved Wings of Desire, but never did get around to part 2.

      •  Don't, it's awful.... (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        The Geogre, klimtone, xgy2

        Just to show you how bad, there's an action movie subplot involving a drug gang.  

        "There's something fundamentally wrong with a a system where a handful of people have more than they'd ever need and the mass of the people have less than they always need." -- Rev. Joseph Lowery

        by caul on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:03:56 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  The remake of Gambit has yet to be (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      The Geogre

      released in the US but it looks to be a disaster even though it has a good cast including Colin Firth and Alan Rickman (Stanley Tucci too). Why either one would take on such crap is beyond me although the original script might have been a lot different from the finished product.

    •  Journey into Fear (1975) (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      MT Spaces, The Geogre

      The original Journey into Fear (1943) is a brilliant dark, sinister film noir thriller.  It's one of Joseph Cotten's best roles as an engineer who has no idea who is trying to kill him on a small, dark, sinister ship with sinister fellow-passengers and a drunk captain.

      Who's bright idea was it to re-make it in Technicolor?  It's film noir for crying out loud, not film Crayola.

      Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

      by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:03:54 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I liked bedazzled (0+ / 0-)

      But I like most of Brendan Frazier movies.

      I tend to like pretty childish stuff. I like movies that don't make me think too much. I liked the national treasure movies too, and the night at the museum ones.

      •  I didn't fault him (0+ / 0-)

        He did his best.

        The script was hammy, and the chemistry between him and Hurley was impossible. All she can be, on screen, is slutty or superior, and neither of those fits with his naivette. Furthermore, she just seems supercilious the whole time.

        The directing is . . . Hollywood. CGI for no discernible reason, special effects cars, billboards, etc. Money seems to be spent in a bid to get a slack jawed viewer that never went to see the film in the first place.

        All I can say is that I hope you see the 1967 film. Do not think of it as a contest, either, because the two movies bear so little resemblance to one another that all they carry together is "both based on Faust, sort of."

        People complain about dirt, but I'd like to see them make some.

        by The Geogre on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 10:37:03 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  I avoided both #3 and #2 (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      The Geogre

      Because I love the originals and don't want to see them bloodied by a horrible remake. One other I've avoided is the remake of Psycho - WHY?!? Good lord whatever were they thinking when they greenlighted that??

      Thank your stars you're not that way/Turn your back and walk away/Don't even pause and ask them why/Turn around and say 'goodbye'/Just wish them well.....

      by Purple Priestess on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:22:50 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  #3 and #2 on Netflix and theater (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Purple Priestess

        I love the original "Bedazzled," and I thought it would be great to see it with that film as a baseline. It would be possible to maintain its arch attitude and go farther, I thought, so I saw it in the theater. Boredom turned to rage when the "angel" showed up in prison to explain that you cannot sell your soul, because it's always yours.

        #3 was Netflixed, and I was already sitting with the knives out. The Neil Labute credit made me think it could have been good, because I was in the "He isn't a pathological misogynist" camp. By the .75 mark, I was in the "pathological" camp.

        As for "Psycho," it's a shot for shot remake, so I don't know what it is. I have to think there is some film critic statement buried there and that some higher principle is involved, but that just makes it a lab film, not a movie that profits the audience.

        Oh, for greenlighting: "The original is black and white!"

        People complain about dirt, but I'd like to see them make some.

        by The Geogre on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 05:18:31 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  Bad remake of a bad movie... (0+ / 0-)

      what the fuck was Peter Falk doing in it? What a pretentious failure. Gimme Herzog any day.

      •  You're on an island here (0+ / 0-)

        I think it's an accidental success rather than failure. If, of course, you put your heart in an autoclave, there's not much that's going to reach in there.

        Peter Falk was Columbo. Columbo is beloved in Germany.

        What he was supposed to be doing is one thing. What he was doing is another. You're not going to complain about Nick Cave doing songs from "Your Funeral/My Trial," too, I hope.

        Dancing chickens are fine, but I already know how insensible America is.

        People complain about dirt, but I'd like to see them make some.

        by The Geogre on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 05:22:44 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  Sommersby (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      The Geogre

      The worst American remake of a European film is Sommersby. The original French movie -- Le Retour de Martin Guerre -- is wonderfully ambiguous about what the wife was doing accepting the faux husband.  All of that is missing in the American remake.

      Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens.

      by MoDem on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:20:38 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Return of Martin Guerre is a perfect film (0+ / 0-)

        I never saw the Americanization, and I'm glad. It makes the mind wobble when U.S. studios think that they should remake perfect movies in English and the inimitable Hollywood style.

        Each studio executive who thinks that should be forced to watch the American "Godzilla." There, a movie that played directly into American strengths got "Americanized" and became garbage.

        People complain about dirt, but I'd like to see them make some.

        by The Geogre on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:43:29 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  On American remakes (2+ / 0-)
          Recommended by:
          The Geogre, Odysseus

          I taught a course once on American remakes of European films.  (The American remake has to reset the movie in the States.)

          The most successful one that I know of is Birdcage -- a remake that may be better than the source: La Cage aux Folles.

          Mit der Dummheit kämpfen Götter selbst vergebens.

          by MoDem on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 07:40:30 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

          •  Close call, there (1+ / 0-)
            Recommended by:
            Odysseus

            I'm trying to think of some of the older Americanizings, where the effort was not specifically to Americanize the film, but merely to remake it. The most radical remake would have to be "La Jettee" into "12 Monkeys."

            As for "Birdcage," I don't know. The story is very Gallic in its humor, I think, even in the Hollywood version, so, in a sense, it achieved its objective best by avoiding the one thing all the others did: altering the aesthetic of the original.

            Bad remakes believe they have something to teach the original.

            People complain about dirt, but I'd like to see them make some.

            by The Geogre on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 10:40:36 AM PST

            [ Parent ]

    •  The Dutch version of The Vanishing (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      slapshoe, The Geogre

      scared me beyond belief. The banality of the truly evil villain and the mundaness of the way the girl disappeared in the beginning just blew my mind.

      But the American version with Kurt Russel is a pathtic shadow of the original.  

      “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” FDR

      by Phoebe Loosinhouse on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 07:08:39 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  worst remake ever (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      The Geogre

      Thank you for reminding me of the anger I felt after being dragged to see "City of Angels". "Wings of Desire/Der Himmel über Berlin is my my favorite film and it was vandalized in this American re-make that I haven't forgiven anyone involved in it. They cheapened every decent thought that was in WoD in the most sickly, cheap way possible.

      I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. Kurt Vonnegut

      by klimtone on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 09:45:22 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Zardoz was okay as camp, if draggy at times. (14+ / 0-)

    I love the director's cut of Blade Runner, if only because i'm a fan of Phil Dick's writing and love all the movies made from his stuff for that reason.

    Worst:
    The remake of "Lost Horizon'" i remember actor's singing who had no business singing and an ill cast leading actor and actress. Never should have been made.

    Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band. The Movie. The 80's. Not even Steve Martin could save it.

    Quintet- Paul Newman in some kind of future Ice Age.and I love Robert Altman.

    And I know I'm alone in this but, "Tommy", the musical. boring.
    ditto, "the Man Who Fell To Earth"

    I know there's more, but getting bored now.

    "Let us never forget that doing the impossible is the history of this nation....It's how we are as Americans...It's how this country was built"- Michelle Obama

    by blueoregon on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 04:58:04 PM PST

    •  BULLS-EYE on Lost Horizon (6+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      blueoregon, Avila, Aunt Pat, caul, dwayne, Temmoku

      Peter Finch didn't even move his lips. He just pranced around the set as if he was a male model, striking poses while the most god-awful lyrics were sung on the silver screen!

      The only people whose voices you heard were Sally Kellerman, Bobby Van and James Shigeta. Don't know which one sang more ineptly...

      •  the lost world - book was thinly veiled excuse (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        implicate order

        for the script to fulfill crichton's contract, i'll wager.

        book was so bad i took it back to tower, slammed it down and demanded my money back, exclaiming it wasn't worth the paper on which it was printed!  the sales clerk laughed, ageed and refunded my money!

    •  I agree with Tommy... (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      blueoregon, caul, MT Spaces

      I agree with Tommy.  I like Ken Russell's work for the most part, but I've never liked that movie.  Too obnoxious and the story (not the music necessarily) is silly and pretentious.  I do like The Who's original album, though.  

      Franc Roddam's film of Quadrophenia (just reissued by Criterion) is a much better movie.  

      •  I've got a cople of The Who's live performances of (3+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        PeteZerria, MT Spaces, mythatsme

        Tommy on cd -- one, a live performance at the Isle of Wight, and the second an exended double-cd of the Live at Leeds album.  Both are the band at their height and well-worth seeking out.

        "There's something fundamentally wrong with a a system where a handful of people have more than they'd ever need and the mass of the people have less than they always need." -- Rev. Joseph Lowery

        by caul on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:06:48 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  The Man Who Fell to Earth - Boring???? (0+ / 0-)

      Oh well, to each his own. Guessing you didn't much care for 2001 either.

      "Some people pay for what others pay to avoid." -- Howard Devoto /// "Patience is a virtue, but I don't have the time." -- David Byrne

      by droopyd on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 02:04:18 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Actually, 2001 was a good movie, (0+ / 0-)

        i read the novel TMWFTE in middle school but, when the movie came out, i thought it was boring. haven't seen it since.

        "Let us never forget that doing the impossible is the history of this nation....It's how we are as Americans...It's how this country was built"- Michelle Obama

        by blueoregon on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:11:28 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  RJ, you need to link these diary every day... (20+ / 0-)

    ...for the next two weeks because it won't collect nearly the eyeballs it deserves tonight. Terrific read.

    The Happening was smart in one way: an entire sci-fi/fantasy movie without a shred of CGI.

    Don't tell me what you believe, show me what you do and I will tell you what you believe.

    by Meteor Blades on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:03:28 PM PST

  •  What about Vamp starring Grace Jones???? (8+ / 0-)

    Great diary.

  •  My least favorite movie EVER: 21 Grams (6+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Rimjob, Avila, caul, dwayne, MT Spaces, Troubadour

    (2003) Starring Sean Penn and Naomi Watts. Gratuitously depressing and impossible to follow, IMO.
    But what a great diary, Rimjob!!!!!! So much fun to read. :) :) :)

    I ♥ President Barack Obama.

    by ericlewis0 on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:06:31 PM PST

  •  for me its easy (6+ / 0-)

    I think the original Halloween is a horror masterpiece, with that said, I think Halloween 3 ( which has nothing to do with the original Halloween) is the worst movie ever. Its simply unwatchable.

    Exclusive Family Friendly PC Games to Give, Play and Share for Free. ProjectReindeerGames.org

    by MrBigDaddy on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:08:13 PM PST

  •  Hudson Hawk belongs on the vanity projects list (7+ / 0-)
  •  Atlas Shrugged and the religious right (13+ / 0-)

    They have more in common than you might think. The religious right has embraced the philosophy of Ayn Rand, just with a God added. Both are essentially Calvinistic. both offer their own version of a prosperity gospel.

    The wolfpack eats venison. The lone wolf eats mice.

    by A Citizen on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:12:15 PM PST

  •  Have you ever seen Nocturna? (9+ / 0-)

    It's the world first (and, dear sweet Jesus on a pogo stick, ONLY) vampire disco movie musical.

    Really.

  •  i really enjoyed reading your diary. (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Rimjob, BlueJessamine, caul

    all this time: they WERE crap, ya'll -- didn't i tell ya ??!!?
    (nobody listens to a scrawny green bird...)

    if movies could be made like WC Fields' dentist, who would?

    * Join: The Action: End the Bush Tax Cuts for Richest Two Percent * Addington's Perpwalk: TRAILHEAD of Accountability for Bush-2 Crimes.

    by greenbird on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:15:22 PM PST

  •  I gotta be honest, two of my least fave movies (14+ / 0-)

    ever are Tom Hanks 'classics'.

    Forrest Gump and whatever the hell that one with him shipwrecked on an island was.  The one seemed like a paean to anti-intellectualism, and the other bored me to tears.  There are a lot of bad movies out there, but at least most of them aren't major hits.

  •  "Red Dawn", the film gun nuts masturbate to (9+ / 0-)



    The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. -- John Kenneth Galbraith

    by richardak on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:16:54 PM PST

  •  Must defend Benigni's Pinnochio... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul

    Roberto Benigni's film of Pinnochio is actually really good, if you see it in the original Italian version with subtitles (that version is on DVD, thank goodness).  Miramax stupidly dubbed it into English and gave it a wide release, and it bombed horribly, effectively killing Benigni's Hollywood career before it even took off.  The dubbing was atrocious.  

    •  I'd like to see it sometime (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      blueoregon

      Most people have only seen the Disney Pinocchio, which is a superb film but is very different from the original book.  The book Pinocchio is not at all nice -- one of the first things he does is kill the Talking Cricket.  It would be interesting to see what Benigni does with it.

      Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

      by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:09:25 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Benigni's Pinocchio - CREEPY! (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Matt Z

      It was just creepy seeing RB prancing about as a little "boy" - close to disturbing.

      And will he ever shut up? Is there a second of screen time where Benigni isn't talking? I've only seen the US dubbed release, and I guess Breckin Meyer may have added to the annoying factor!

      "Some people pay for what others pay to avoid." -- Howard Devoto /// "Patience is a virtue, but I don't have the time." -- David Byrne

      by droopyd on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 02:11:40 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Great diary. It left me trying to dredge up some (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul, Odysseus, dwayne, Rimjob

    long and mightily repressed memories of films I sat through only to feel violated and thus wanting revenge.  But such films have no mechanism for audience revenge--yet.  Heh, heh.

    Building a better America with activism, cooperation, ingenuity and snacks.

    by judyms9 on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:18:05 PM PST

    •  Speaking of revenge (0+ / 0-)

      Jaws the Revenge was a total POS. The shark did everything but take a bus to track down the Mrs. Brody on vacation. And poor Michael Caine. But I always like how he is very clear that he makes the occasional POS in order to afford to be able to make the movies that he really wants to make. So I forgive him. But the screenwriter and the director of this? Never!

      “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” FDR

      by Phoebe Loosinhouse on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 07:15:54 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Three I hate that some people love (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul

    Empire of the Sun (had me hoping for a Japanese victory)
    Zardoz (if you're reading this, dad, sorry!)
    Midnight Cowboy (I know, I should have more empathy)

    You know, I sometimes think if I could see, I'd be kicking a lot of ass. -Stevie Wonder at the Glastonbury Festival, 2010

    by Rich in PA on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:18:11 PM PST

  •  Starship Troopers (12+ / 0-)

    No, not the worst movie ever, but it's just awful.  My favorite review of that movie was succinct.  Whoever it was called it "Triumph of the Will 90210".

    "It is not, you fucking liberal prick." ..My RW friend Dave's last words to me.

    by rb608 on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:18:36 PM PST

  •  Heaven's Gate, a great film... (5+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    blueoregon, caul, mythatsme, Idaho07, Alexandre

    Heaven's Gate is quite a great film, but you have to see it several times.  It took me 3 times to finally get it.  It's difficult, but not impossible, to get over the incredibly negative reaction it got in the 1980's.  Once you do, you can appreciate it more.  

    Criterion just reissued it in a new transfer and director's cut (216 minutes).  

    •  Nope, it's a badly flawed, insanely boring movie (0+ / 0-)

      I admit it has it's strengths (it's a beautiful looking movie and has a great cast), but it just drags on and on and on and so much of it amounts to nothing.

      It's not really a movie, it's a testement to Michael Cimino's massive ego and the utter failure of the studio to put any sort of control on him. I mean, the stories that came out of that set about him were insane (he ripped up an entire set because he wanted the streets three feet wider, for example). At least there was justice in that this film ruined his career and he was never given a blank check for this again. The downside was, he destroyed United Artists in the process and brought about the downfall of the 70s movie revolution.

      •  He made the Year of the Dragon (0+ / 0-)

        not as bad as Heaven's Gate, but it was largely panned. Saw it on a first date and had to apologize to her for the graphic violence. Mickey rourke's last movie before he completely went off the rails. he still had his old face.I didn't even ask for a second date; I knew i'd blown it at that point.

        •  Year of the Dragon (0+ / 0-)

          always cracks me up, as (my old hometown) Wilmington NC's downtown gets dressed up as NYC's Chinatown. Same as when Firestarter used the local airport, then about the size of two elementary school classrooms, as Washington National.

          Hige sceal þe heardra, heorte þe cenre, mod sceal þe mare, þe ure mægen lytlað

          by milkbone on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 05:47:30 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

    •  Heavens Gate is a fave of mine, too. (0+ / 0-)

      There was a book written about the movie and how it brought down the United Artists studio. I read the book before seeing the flick for the first time, so I had a bit of background perspective going into it.

      Michael Cimino's super-expensive desire for perfection shows on the screen. But what is most interesting to me is the way the movie is structured. Each scene in it is about 3 minutes too long, and even in the 3+ hour version, the pace is glacial. But each scene is tightly tied to the one following, and each is a polished gem unto itself. There was simply no way the film could be edited to a watchable length in a theater without ruining it.

      At home in a comfortable chair, with a way to pause the flick from time to time, it can become very engrossing. But in a theater, it just couldn't work.

      That mini-perfection of each scene was the most important reason why the plug wasn't pulled on the film. Each daily sent back to the studio heads looked wonderful. it wasn't until they saw it all as a rough cut that the studio knew they had a very big problem, and some of the color processing was eliminated in a desperate attempt to save a little cost. Eventually, all of the scenes that did not get the expensive Technicolor treatment were cut out, which massacred the shortened and first released version.
      After the film flopped in release, some of the scenes were re-inserted with only two colors, and the film was re-released on VHS.

      To watch it is similar to watching the entire first 4 years of Breaking Bad at one go, but it's great if you have a lot of patience and an ass made of steel.

      Right many are called, and damn few are chosen.

      by Idaho07 on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 12:23:27 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  The book was Final Cut (0+ / 0-)

        I didn't like Heavens Gate. It took a fairly riveting historical moment and made it grey, dull, flat, depressing and undramatic.

        But, I didn't like the Deer Hunter either, despite the critical acclaim. The Polish wedding scene reminded me of the time friends invited us over to watch their wedding video and we slowly realized with horror as we saw the stack of video tapes that they expected us to relieve the reception in real time. The Deer Hunter Wedding reception was in real time too

        “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” FDR

        by Phoebe Loosinhouse on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 07:23:07 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  Atlas Shrugged, Part One is a laugh riot. (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul, dwayne, mamamedusa, Matt Z
  •  Nothing beats Traffic (5+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Dartagnan, caul, shmuelman, grover, Matt Z

    For absolutely obnoxious badness by filmmakers with such inflated egos they they managed to persuade a large chunk of the critical community--and even the Oscar voters--that everything they did was brilliant, the 2000 feature is unparalleled.   Hardly.  If you want brilliance, check out the original British miniseries, Traffik.  It is everything the film, which is as stupid as Reefer Madness but on a much grander scale, was not.

    •  "Traffic" is not only bad (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      caul, grover, Matt Z, northsylvania

      but highly offensive in its racial and youth stereotyping.
      A truly awful film with a ridiculous plot (the judge rescuing his virgin daughter from the evil black crack dealer).

      Also agree the Brit series was excellent.

      •  I too found it disgusting (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Dartagnan, Matt Z

        Third-way politics made by big Hollywood so as not to offend vigilant drug warriors and prohibitionists. It was all "sober" and "serious." It is entirely false in its views of what the "war on drugs" is really about. It's been on cable this week and I won't watch a second of it, I have blotted it out of my memory.

        "You can die for Freedom, you just can't exercise it"

        by shmuelman on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:36:33 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  I didn't think Traffic was horrible, HOWEVER... (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Odysseus, Matt Z

      ...it was also made about 12 years too late.

      Every point it made (in beating you over the head with it fashion) about the pointlessness and destructiveness of the War on Drugs had already been known by 80% of the public for a decade.

  •  Red Dawn (8+ / 0-)

    should be on any list of worst movies.  

  •  Oh, and Anne Rice movies. (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Aunt Pat, caul, Purple Priestess, Matt Z

    I find her mostly godawful as a writer, with perhaps the exception of 'The Mummy' - she has really good and original ideas, then drowns them in overly long and boring prose for its own sake.  I'm not sure if the movies added suckitude, or if they merely were true enough to the suck of her writing.  And, of course, I blame her overly-sexualized vampires for laying the groundwork for the Twilight twaddle.

  •  Temple of Doom (5+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    arizonablue, caul, annieli, kurt, Matt Z

    A sequel that made Allan Quatermain and the Lost City of Gold look good by comparison.

    Citizen #6 on Moon Base Callista

    by Mike E on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:32:27 PM PST

  •  Worst? (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul, Railfan, Matt Z

    I wanted to walk out of DaVinci Code, as I figured out the "mystery" bad guy about twenty minutes in. But my friend wouldn't go. Sigh.

    Saw 40 Year Old Virgin--I was so hopeful that Steve Carrel could rescue a Judd Apatow movie, but I was wrong.

    Agree with so many of the others here.

    I wonder what Markos thought when he started this blog? Sure, come for the politics, but stay for the friendship and cat pics!

    by The Pollster on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:33:45 PM PST

  •  I'm looking forward to the "2016" revival in 2016 (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Aunt Pat, caul

    “The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.” ~ John Kenneth Galbraith

    by Lefty Coaster on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:33:46 PM PST

  •  Surprised "Manos: The Hands of Fate" (13+ / 0-)

    hasn't come up.  Absolutely the worst film ever made, worse than anything in Ed Wood's filmography.

    -6.62, -5.95. "We have nothing to fear but fear itself."

    by Theodoric of York Medieval Liberal on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:33:51 PM PST

    •  Aboslutely (5+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      caul, dwayne, MT Spaces, Rashaverak, Matt Z

      It is bad, real bad.. .horribly bad. so bad it isn't bad that's good that's so really bad... .Just BAD.

      I know it got the MST3K treatment (and that's the only place I've seen what they managed to clip into the show) but even the condensed version was painful.

      You know you're in trouble when the people who are torturing you with the film apologize for it being so bad.

      "The price of a memory is the memory of the sorrow it brings" Adam Duritz/Counting Crows... Or if you prefer... "Extraordinary claims require extraordinary proof" Carl Sagan

      by zipn on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:51:34 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Agreed (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Rashaverak, Matt Z

        Once upon a time, after viewing the MST3K version for the 3rd or 4th time (I understand that without the MST3K commentary this movie is unwatchable), I pondered why this movie was so bad. The answer was simple: there is nothing salvageable from this movie. Not the story, the acting, the setting, ideas, or... well, you get the idea.

        Not only that, but this movie probably holds the record for having the most suicides by cast members & crew associated with it. It's a bad, creepy & accursed movie! (And not "creepy" or "accursed" in a good way.)

        •  I donated to the restoration project (0+ / 0-)

          A guy did a Kickstarter project to do a full restoration after getting his hands on a proper print of the movie (what you see on MST3K is basically a bad VHS transfer). And from the examples I've seen on his website, it might actually be more competently filmed than we thought--I mean, the framing and blocking and lighting (and pacing and script and acting and direction and soundtrack) will still be pure crap, but at least the colors will look nicer.

          "I believe they talked of me, for they laughed consumedly."--George Farquhar

          by slapshoe on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 10:09:30 AM PST

          [ Parent ]

    •  Indeed. (6+ / 0-)

      I use Manos as the benchmark against which I compare all other bad movies.

      "Don't ride in anything with a Capissen 38 engine. They fall right out of the sky." -- Kaywinnit Lee Frye

      by Technowitch on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:35:49 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I whole-heartedly agree with this (5+ / 0-)

      As a devoted MST3K fan, I assure you that Manos should never be seen unless Joel, Mike and the Bots are trashing it. It's not like Plan 9 From Outer Space, which is hugely entertaining and literally defines the "so bad it's good" category. Manos is pretty much a torture device. (I'd also add Monster-A-Go-Go as another MST3K subject in this category.)

      •  Psyched by the 4D Witch and Monster-A-Go (0+ / 0-)

        -Go...could there be a worse double feature?

        I have them on DVD. Don't ask.

        Psyched by the 4D Witch is a ridiculous piece of trash. A sorta-porno with narration and bad wigs. One character is supposed to be the king of the sex vampires, but he's a dork with tusks. It's awful.

        "An injury to one is an injury to all"

        by jhb90277 on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:25:40 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  Anything that's been on MST3K (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Purple Priestess

      and there are lots - Manos, Puma Man, Jack Frost, and tons of others.

      In Soviet Russia, you rob bank. In America, bank robs you.

      by badger on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 10:18:33 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Okay I'll bite. (6+ / 0-)

    I am going catch Hell on this one on this blogg but, I would have to go with  ALICE"S RESTRAURANT with a very young Alro Gutherie.

     Arlo is a very engaging and charismatic guy. This song is definately, a classic the movie is absolutely horrendous. Like Billy Jack as a mad cap hippie farce. I am glad Alro stayed out of the movies.

    There is only one cool scene in there where Alro comes into a tent revival meeting and says' I can tell that Woody's road ran through here." Other than that this movie sucks.

    Mystery science theater 3000 was great at this.

    The one that sticks out to me was called PUMA MAN with Donald Plesence as the bad guy. Donald said that this was the worst movie he was ever invovled with and I think he is right. This stuck out b ecause it was the worst of the deliberate worst that I can remember from that show.

    If we wanted to boarden the catagory to include TV mini seriess I would have to go with THE 70'S. They had a liberal slant which I should agree with and even I still thought this one stunk to high heaven.

    As far worst movie sequels go I would have to put REVENGE OF THE NERDS II in there. The first one was great a real classic the next ones were awful.

    For that matter the RAMBO movies were pretty hooky and downright fascistic. What might be lost in the mist of time is how powerful they were and had a strong cultural impact for there times. For this reason, I would put these under the heading of toxic.

  •  Anything by Uwe Boll (5+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    arizonablue, caul, liberte, Matt Z, Shotput8
  •  Bo Derek's Tarzan (13+ / 0-)

    Her lack of clothing could not distract the audience from her lack of talent.

    Citizen #6 on Moon Base Callista

    by Mike E on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:36:50 PM PST

  •  North (7+ / 0-)

    I get so mad just knowing this movie exists, I can't express how much I hate it.

    Eleven-year-old North has had it with his parents. They are always busy with their careers and don't give North the attention he needs, so he files a lawsuit against them. The judge rules that North should either find new parents or return to his own parents within two months. Thus north starts off on an hilarious journey around the world to find the parents that really care about him.
    Howard the Duck - just plain awful

    The Rock - just rewatched it the other day, I couldn't stop myself.  Michael Bey threw in every hackneyed, offensive stereotype in the book.  It was like reading Red State comments with explosions.  It will make you dumb - I still couldn't figure out how to use the stairs 2 hours after the credits rolled

    I see a very beautiful planet that seems very inviting and peaceful. Unfortunately, it is not.…We're better than this. We must do better. Cmdr Scott Kelley

    by wretchedhive on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:37:35 PM PST

    •  Really? I consider "The Rock" his one good movie (3+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Odysseus, schnecke21, wretchedhive

      Of course, that's in large part because he had a halfway decent script with attention to characters and some very good actors (Sean Connery basically doing a 60s version of 007; Nicholas Cage back when him doing action films was a novelty; Ed Harris as a very complex and sympathetic antogonist - I even hesitate to call him a villain, etc.). It's every other of Bay's filmography that makes me want to ban him from ever picking up a camera again.

      North, though...you are right on the money about that one. Roger Ebert was too kind when he famously said, "I hated this movie! Hated, hated, hated this movie!"

    •  North is the film (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      wretchedhive, Matt Z

      that drew the following from Roger Ebert: I hated, hated, HATED this movie!

      Thank your stars you're not that way/Turn your back and walk away/Don't even pause and ask them why/Turn around and say 'goodbye'/Just wish them well.....

      by Purple Priestess on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:34:09 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  "Bolero"only theatrical release I've walked out of (8+ / 0-)

    yksitoista ulotteinen presidentin shakki. / tappaa kaikki natsit "Nous sommes un groupuscule" (-9.50; -7.03) 政治委员, 政委‽ Warning - some snark above ‽

    by annieli on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:37:49 PM PST

    •  OMG, that was a terrible film (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      MT Spaces, Matt Z

      I actually watched the whole thing out of morbid curiosity.  George Kennedy was quite good -- he knew he was in a terrible movie so he played it for laughs.

      OTOH, I could not bear to watch the Bo Derek version of Tarzan, where she plays Jane.  In that movie, Richard Harris plays her father the explorer.  He was great.  Like George Kennedy in Bolero, he saw it as an opportunity for harmless fun.  Campy overacting at its finest, with lines like (from memory):

      Is your heart pounding?  Can you feel the blood rushing through your veins?  Ah, then you're truly alive!

      Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

      by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:17:29 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Stupefyingly awful! /nt (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      annieli

      Thank your stars you're not that way/Turn your back and walk away/Don't even pause and ask them why/Turn around and say 'goodbye'/Just wish them well.....

      by Purple Priestess on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:34:37 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  I found "Forrest Gump" (9+ / 0-)

    to be an utterly meritless and false rewrite of the 60's.

    Although for Tom Hanks movies, 'Cast Away" is the one best...well, "cast away."  It's essentially a commercial for Federal Express.

  •  Ed Wood gets way too much blame for bad (10+ / 0-)

    Even though he was utterly talentless, at least he was trying to make what he believed were good films, struggling with the lowest of budgets and barest of resources.

    Its the people who are given untold millions and all the resources of a major studio, and STILL make hideous pieces of unwatchable crap that should be held up to ridicule - Adam Sandler is the best (worst?) example to me today. No third-rate comedies like 'Jack and Jill' or 'Thats My Boy!' (hey, child rape is FUNNY!) should cost $85 million, but studios still hand it over happily.

    And don't even get me started on overrated 13-year-old-on-a-Mountain-Dew-high Quentin Tarentino!

    "Marco Rubio es un pañuelo Rosa!" - Montgomery Burns

    by Fordmandalay on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:42:31 PM PST

  •  Most successful worst film: "Green Berets" 1968 (15+ / 0-)

    Made to prop up support for an increasingly unpopular war in VietNam.  

    “The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness.” ~ John Kenneth Galbraith

    by Lefty Coaster on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 05:50:25 PM PST

  •  Stunned to see no mention of Prometheus. (15+ / 0-)

    Absolutely no question it's in the running for worst movie I have ever seen.  I've seen the entire Highlander line.  I would happily move to Planet Zeiss to avoid Prometheus.

    Some things once seen cannot be unseen.  As the mutated quote from Princess Bride says: "In the history of the world, there have been five perfectly terrible movies.  Prometheus left them all behind."

    I would sign in blood to sit through a marathon showing of every movie you mention here before I ever see Prometheus again.

    -7.75 -4.67

    "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."

    There are no Christians in foxholes.

    by Odysseus on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:02:58 PM PST

  •  "Battlefield Earth" and "Atlas Shrugged" have... (8+ / 0-)

    something else in common besides being awful.

    In both cases, there was what was almost certainly an organized campaign consisting of armies of people commenting online telling us that these were the greatest movies ever wherever reviews were posted, and attempts to "stuff the ballot box" with positive ratings at sites like the internet movie database which give a user based score for films.

    The similarity of the campaigns really underlined the fact that "Rational" Objectivism  is as much of a cult as Scientology.

    The modern conservative is engaged in one of man's oldest exercises in moral philosophy; that is, the search for a superior moral justification for selfishness. -- John Kenneth Galbraith

    by richardak on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:05:02 PM PST

  •  Brendan Fraser the king of crap. (8+ / 0-)

    No mention of horrible movies would be complete without mentioning my generation’s king of crap, Brendan Fraser. How many dogs has this guy been in? The list and far too numerous to mention.

    What is sad is that this guy has shown that he can be a really good actor when he wants to be. Early in his career he had some really great performances.

     He was absolutely stunning in SCHOOL TIES.

    Excellent in GODS and MONSTERS.

    His performance in AIRHEADS was really good.

    The character he played on SCRUBS was so likeable and compelling.

    Unfortunately, after showing some flash of brilliance he has to pick the crappiest script and make the worst movie with the lamest plot and give a horrible performance.

    I am not sure what is going on but, I think he needs a better agent or to get into the indies.

  •  Lots of movies suck (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul

    but some are especially sucky

    The happening for sure.   Horrible
    As was mission impossible and the remake of war of the worlds

    But my favorite are movies that are supposed to be good that when u watch u say "huh". That sucked

    The searchers ( or anything with john Wayne)
    Out of Africa
    Star trek I. ( and I love science fiction)
     Any Ronald reagan movie

    For sheer camp bad
    Showgirls
    Valley of the dolls
    Mommy dearest.

    He may talk like an idiot, and look like an idiot, but don't let that fool you: he really is an idiot...Groucho Marx

    by distributorcap on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:07:04 PM PST

    •  Movies that suck (0+ / 0-)

      Leaving Las Vegas

      The Accidental Tourist (though my wife liked it--I really hated the main character and wished he would just accidentally fall into an elevator shaft)

      Alien 3 (and probably 4--I couldn't chance it)

      Any of the Beethoven movies (huge St. Bernard makes a huge mess and inspires an even worse sequel)

      The Last House on the Left (not badly done, but too painful to watch)

      The Grudge part II and up (The original Grudge movie was very effective but one tires of indestructible monsters that kill with no reason)

      And God said, "Let there be light"; and with a Big Bang, there was light. And God said "Ow! Ow My eyes!" and in a flash God separated light from darkness. "Whew! Now that's better. Now where was I. Oh yea . . ."

      by Pale Jenova on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:36:01 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  pornography (0+ / 0-)

        Last House on the Left and I spit on your grave are true pornography in that they have no redeeming value, whatsoever. They can't even make it on "Worst Films" lists because the lists for the most part are fun and entertaining but these films, to me, are so shockingly horrifying that I have no wish to be reminded that I ever saw them. Horrifying that they were made and horrifying that they are viewed. There was even a remake of LHOTL if I remember correctly.

        I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. Kurt Vonnegut

        by klimtone on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 10:29:48 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  The Godfather Part 3 (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul, Mike E, Matt Z, implicate order

    Sofia Coppola was so horrible that I cheered when she was she killed at the end.
    The entire movie, imho, was horrible, but Sofia Coppola is not an actress.

    Indiana Jones 2nd movie - Temple of Doom
    Awful and Kate Capshaw was horrible.

    Zack and Miri Make a Porno
    Maybe it's because I'm old but I hated that movie, absolutely hated it and have disliked Seth Rogen and Elizabeth Banks because of it.

  •  There are movies I've literally sat in the (5+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul, dwayne, MT Spaces, lostboyjim, mamamedusa

    movie theater foyer during due to sheer boredom. I see a fair number of movies; I used to live almost across the street from a theater. My tolerance to crappy movies is high.

    But my list of worst films of all time would look something like:

    Waterworld
    Species
    Showgirls
    Space Truckers
    The most recent Star Wars films
    The Brothers Grimm
    Clash of the Titans (the remake)
    Johnny Mnemonic
    Vanilla Sky
    Beowulf

    I think I fell asleep or walked around the theater during all of these, and had I not been with friends, would have left. And again, I have a strong stomach and am easily amused.

    Click the ♥ to join us on the Black Kos front porch to review news & views written from a black pov - everyone is welcome.

    by mahakali overdrive on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:12:19 PM PST

  •  My worst was Comin' at Ya! (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul, MT Spaces

    a 3D western from early 80's.

    "Detective, if ignorance was a drug, you'd be high all the time." Sam Tyler, 'Life on Mars'

    by Kokomo for Obama on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:14:08 PM PST

  •  Old bad: Children shouldn't play with dead things (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul, MT Spaces, liberte, Rashaverak

    The script, the acting, makeup and wardrobe.

    Horrible and hilarious.

    Fuddle Duddle--- Pierre Trudeau.... Canadian politics at......A Creative Revolution

    by pale cold on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:18:23 PM PST

  •  I thought "sex, lies and videotape" was just (4+ / 0-)

    a lot of boring psychobabble.  I never understood why critics loved it.

    And I find the entire new crop of superhero movies utterly unwatchable.

    •  Well, I've seen it at least 6 times over the years (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      MT Spaces, Caelian

      I know the script pretty much by heart. I am not a critic and I can't articulate its allure, but it had real chemistry and it was really about something (people coming to terms with their lives). I am also one of the few who thought Soderberg's Girlfriend experience was also brilliant and important, very similar in some aspects to Sex Lies Videotape.

      "You can die for Freedom, you just can't exercise it"

      by shmuelman on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:31:08 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  "Nice dress but it looks like a tablecloth" (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      MT Spaces, kurt

      Very interesting and unusual characters in that one, and some great dialog.  Not one of my favorites, but I liked it.

      Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

      by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:25:54 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  I still love this movie, and I don't care. (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Giles Goat Boy, caul, Rimjob, MT Spaces

    It's a little-known cheesy dance flick called Fast Forward, circa 1985. (It's like Breakin's bastard child.) The script is horrible, the acting is terrible, and even the dancing is slightly suspect.

    It's fucking great. :)

    Who cares what the fucking Republicans would vote for? They'd vote for cooking poor children and exporting them as delicacies if they had the chance. -- Jim P

    by Colorado is the Shiznit on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:19:26 PM PST

  •  Here's a real pile o' crap... (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul, dwayne, gf120581, Matt Z

    The Incredible Melting Man

    It was originally supposed to be horror movie parody and supposedly the higher-ups decided it would be better as straight horror. The irony, of course, is that by doing so, the film was that much funnier.

    Check out MST3K's treatment of it some time.

    2012 is looking better and better!

    by Erik the Red on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:32:43 PM PST

  •  "Star Trek: The Motionless Picture" (12+ / 0-)

    I camped out with my girlfriend in front of the theater to see this when it came out.  Ugggghhhh. Everything about it, from the pastel-colored jumpsuits to the hokey pseudo-intellectual dialogue, was bloody awful.

    "Wrath of Khan" rescued the franchise from what would have been certain death.

  •  Somewhere on the list has to be the movie (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul

    "town". Ben Afflack might be okay as an actor, but please FSM
    don't let him Direct another movie. Talk about a mash up of current films.

    •  Are you kidding? (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Railfan, badlands

      "Argo" is being considered for a slew of Oscars, I believe, and he both directed and starred in it, and "Gone Baby Gone" got great reviews.

      I haven't seen any of them, so I could be wrong, of course.

      •  Argo was pretty good. (0+ / 0-)

        I would have seen it for the first 5 minutes alone, which recaps history that I'm pretty sure 90% of Americans don't recall.  It starts out strong and fades through the second half, and I definitely agree with some of the criticisms of it I've seen.  (Not translating some critical scenes, etc.)

        -7.75 -4.67

        "Freedom's just another word for nothing left to lose."

        There are no Christians in foxholes.

        by Odysseus on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:19:27 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  I also hated "Dances With Wolves" (13+ / 0-)

    It was like "Lawrence of South Dakota".  

    •  agree! nt (0+ / 0-)
    •  And that was likely (0+ / 0-)

      The best movie Kevin Costner ever made.

      Which says more about Kevin Costner than pretty much anything else.

      I thought it was should have been called sleeps in the theater, because that's what a lot of people likely did.

      I think 2001 a space odyssey was vastly over rated as well. I saw it, really looked forward to it, and fell asleep about halfway through. There were some good scenes, and some great lines, but the whole last half was just weird. Maybe you needed to be drunk or high for it to make sense...

      •  Bull Durham was his best film. nt (6+ / 0-)

        you don't believe in evolution, you understand it. you believe in the FSM.

        by Mathazar on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:48:47 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

      •  You have to see 2001 on a really big screen (6+ / 0-)

        I saw it when it first came out (yep, I'm old).  Revolutionary film, with realistic space effects (no, things don't make loud noises when they blow up in the vacuum of outer space) and bumpy spacecraft.

        A trip to Jupiter is supposed to be long, slow, and boring.  That's why the other dudes were in hybernation.

        Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

        by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 10:28:12 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

      •  2001 - Most awesomest movie evah. (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Rashaverak

        Yeah, you have to see it in 70mm Cinerama. Sitting dead center in the front row. And you don't even need drugs.

        I was lucky enough to see the world premiere at the Uptown Theater in DC, before they chopped 20 minutes from the print to make it more commercially viable.

        "Some people pay for what others pay to avoid." -- Howard Devoto /// "Patience is a virtue, but I don't have the time." -- David Byrne

        by droopyd on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 02:27:18 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

        •  I did see it in the theatre (0+ / 0-)

          Big screen, big sound, the works. I fell asleep.

          I did appreciate that they got things right, for the most part. The space trip part was fine, I thought that was good. It was all the symbolic crap at the end, after Dave died, that lost me.

      •  The three worst performances by an actor (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        implicate order

        in large big budget movies:

        1. Kevin Costner's Robin Hood who seemed like a California surfer dude who went through a wormhole back to the middle ages. (I caught "Men in Tights" for a few minutes the other week on TV, just in time to hear Cary Elwes say something like "but at least I have an English accent.") The entire movie sucked from beginning to end, Mary Mastrowhosis was an absolutely horrible Maid Marian and the only glimmer of entertainment was Alan Rickman who, upon realizing that all ships were going down in this ocean of crap, gave himself license to go for complete clovey pineapple rings on top hammy deliciousness.

        2. Keanu Reeves in Bram Stoker's Dracula (not the little known Johanna Spyri Dracula) with an accent so bizarre and unanchored and floundering that it makes one think, hmmm maybe Kevin Costner was right. This entire movie is infested with accents of varying degrees of incompetence and a Lesbian undercurrent involving the two female leads that I can't remember in the Bram Stoker novel -must have been only in the handwritten original.

        3. Anthony Hopkins in Legends of the Fall, another really bad movie with a really bad plot (what thoughtful son doesn't bring his brother's heart home from WWI in a box as a Father's Day gift?). Anthony Hopkins issued himself the porcine no restraint policy that was used so successfully by Alan Rickman in Robin Hood as noted above, but unfortunately the limping, drooling, off the deep end character the father turns into at the end just doesn't have the joie de vivre of Rickman parodying bad acting and slowly it dawns on one that Hopkins isn't doing pastiche but is simply being a very,very bad actor. This movie also features Brad Pitts hair in the lead and has Julia Ormand as the love interest of all 3 sons displaying one vacuous and pouty moue as her sole expression throughout the film, used to cover all situations and every emotion.  

        “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” FDR

        by Phoebe Loosinhouse on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:24:43 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

      •  '2001'? Overrated?! <Cough> <cough>! (0+ / 0-)

        To this day, I believe it was the best science-fiction film ever made.

    •  I will go on record as liking it (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      badger

      I have no defense.  I just do.

      but then again I also don't think waterworld is that bad.

      great afternoon TV "B" movie.

      big badda boom : GRB 090423

      by squarewheel on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:19:11 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  "A single tear rolls down his cheek" (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        squarewheel

        I really liked Waterworld.  I thought it did a great job of show a new reality for the world with no more land.  And Dennis Hopper was really in his element, with great snarky lines.

        Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

        by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 10:33:02 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  "Sleeping with the Enemy" (5+ / 0-)

    I felt like I was being tortured having to sit through this movie. Perfect example of the hiring of an Oscar winner (Julia Roberts) to get a shitty, stupid, unoriginal script (with the clumsiest plot devices ever) made into a movie.

    "Exorcist II: the Heretic" is easily the worst sequel ever. It seemed like half the movie was of scenes of locusts. The other half was...I have no idea.  

    "They are an entire cruise ship of evil clowns, these current Republicans"...concernedamerican

    by Giles Goat Boy on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:37:00 PM PST

    •  I thought Sleeping with the Enemy was good as a (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Matt Z

      sequel to Pretty Woman.

      Tracy B Ann - technically that is my signature.

      by ZenTrainer on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:50:59 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Trying to remember (0+ / 0-)

      That wasn't the one with her and Mel Gibson where he was a spy who couldn't remember or something was it?   Because that was horrible

      Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

      by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:14:52 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  That movie was "Conspiracy Theory" (0+ / 0-)

        Which I didn't consider that bad of a movie. Definitely not a good one, but I wouldn't label it a stinker. And it did make money.

        On the other hand, it is not on my long list of "movies I'd watch if I had the time & it didn't cost me any money". How nasty of an argument can one have whether a movie is "horrible" or "meh"?

    •  It did have an awful plot - (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Giles Goat Boy

      Every unhappy wife should take secret swimming lessons and then fake their own death in a boating accident and swim to shore and start a new life.

      That movie seems to have completely killed off the career of the male lead who looked like a Kevin Kline clone.

      “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” FDR

      by Phoebe Loosinhouse on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:39:22 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  The Social Network (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    caul, llywrch, Matt Z

    Okay this was a really good movie. Give Aaron Sorkin credit anyone who can take something as boring as a legal deposition and turn it to drama is a special talent. Justin Timberlake was fantastic in this and deserved and Oscar.

    The reason, I put this one in here is that it was rated the greatest of the decade. I heard comparisons to Raging Bull. I heard Hype that this was the most important movie in the last 20 years. This I cannot go along with.

    To sum up, was it good. Yes. Would say it was great yes. Should it been on a list of best movies of the last 10 years, sure. Is it the greatest and the best achievement of the last 10 years no.

    Great movie but really get a grip.

  •  Happy Life Day everyone! (11+ / 0-)

    "Never before in all our history have these forces been so united against one candidate as they stand today. They are unanimous in their hate for me--and I welcome their hatred." Franklin D. Roosevelt

    by djbender on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:42:18 PM PST

  •  "The Shadow" w/Alec Baldwin (6+ / 0-)

    Watched this in the theater with my (now) Ex. About 30 minutes in, we both looked at each other and asked, "Do we want to inflict this on ourselves for one second longer?"

    The answer was "No."

    "Don't ride in anything with a Capissen 38 engine. They fall right out of the sky." -- Kaywinnit Lee Frye

    by Technowitch on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:43:41 PM PST

    •  Oh, come on...how can you hate a movie with (6+ / 0-)

      ...dialogue like this:

      Margo Lane: Oh, God I dreamed.

      Lamont Cranston: So did I. What did you dream?

      Margo Lane: I was lying naked on a beach in the South Seas. The tide was coming up to my toes. The sun was beating down. My skin hot and cool at the same time. It was wonderful. What was yours?

      Lamont Cranston: I dreamed I tore all the skin off my face and was somebody else underneath.

      Margo Lane: You have problems.

      Lamont Cranston: I'm aware of that.

    •  I noticed that you said your ex (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      llywrch

      I hope that this movie was not so bad that it caused the break up. Because any movie that bad would have to be considered a real stinker.

      •  Nah (0+ / 0-)

        Our divorce was still a few years in the future yet at that point, and I'm fairly certain The Shadow played no part in it.  ;-)

        "Don't ride in anything with a Capissen 38 engine. They fall right out of the sky." -- Kaywinnit Lee Frye

        by Technowitch on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:19:37 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  We took some friends of our to this one... (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Technowitch, MT Spaces

      and we owed them for years afterward. It was like movie-serfdom; we'd have to see anything they wanted just to repay our debt for forcing them to buy tickets to this stinker.

      Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory, tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat. Sun Tzu The Art of War

      by Stwriley on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:32:04 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  As a fan of the old time radio show (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      MT Spaces, Matt Z

      but someone who's never read the pulp novels, but was intrigued by what I heard about them, I really looked forward to "The Shadow."  About 30 minutes in I remember thinking "what the hell is this?"

      “Nice country you got here. Shame if something were to happen to it” --the GOP philosophy to governing as described by Paul Krugman

      by dwayne on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:09:20 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I really liked "The Shadow" (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      MT Spaces, Matt Z

      Tim Curry was so wonderfully obnoxious.  He really gets into each part.

      I'm always a sucker for pneumatic tubes, and the pneumatic tube effects in The Shadow are wonderful.  However, François Truffaut's pneumatic tube scene in Stolen Kisses is better :-)

      Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

      by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:35:51 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I actually like that movie... (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Matt Z

      ...but it's merely okay when it could have been great. If only Sam Raimi had been able to direct it; it was always his dream project (thankfully, he sort of got a shot at it with Darkman).

  •  Boogie Nights (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Matt Z

    When Mark Wahlberg was in the hot tub thinking up his porn star name and it appeared in lights above his head as a thought balloon, my friend and I looked at each other and headed for the exit.  One of the very, very few films I've walked out on.

    "There Will Be Blood" by the same director, Paul Thomas Anderson, was a decent film though.

    Solar is civil defense. Video of my small scale solar experiments at solarray.

    by gmoke on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 06:44:44 PM PST

  •  The only movie I ever walked out on was... (4+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    dwayne, Rimjob, jhb90277, Matt Z

    Demolition Man (w/Sylvester Stallone & Wesley Snipes).

    The most telling part was that the only reason I went to see it in the first place was because I had just been hired to manage the movie theater it was playing in. Since I'd never actually been to the theater in question, I went to see a film there (with my roommate) because I wanted to scope out the building and the operation incognito before actually working there.

    The fact that the movie we picked was so Godawful that we walked out of it should have been a warning sign to me--I've regretted taking the job ever since, and this was 20 years ago.

  •  Naked Lunch wasn't "bad" per se... (8+ / 0-)

    ...but it sure as hell was bizarre...which should be expected given that it was a David Cronenberg adaptation of a William Burroghs novel.

    Let me put it this way: It has a scene involving Peter Weller having a ménage à trois with Judy Davis and a typewriter that transforms into a giant centipede with a 6-foot penis.

    After that, it starts to get a little weird.

    •  Speaking of David Cronenberg, "Dead Ringers" (5+ / 0-)

      ...was the best movie about twin Canadian gynecologists ever made.

    •  A movie worth a few watchings. (0+ / 0-)

      I consider the book  one of the great American novels - an important political and social statement, lambasting homophobia, drug policy, racism, institutionalized bigotry, stupidity and violence. What can you do with it in a movie? I love the fact that Weller played it with no facial expression - a take off on the real life Burroughs. The animatronics were just fantastic.

      "You can die for Freedom, you just can't exercise it"

      by shmuelman on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:24:09 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  Definitely a 10 on the weird-sh*t-o-meter N/T (0+ / 0-)

      Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

      by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:37:42 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  your right it wasn't bad, it was awful (0+ / 0-)

      definitely won't read the book either.

      there's this problem that sh*t that's way out there becomes a darling of certain critics because it's way out there.

      big badda boom : GRB 090423

      by squarewheel on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:24:36 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  But how does it compare to "Forbidden Zone" (0+ / 0-)

      featuring the Mystic Knights of Oingo Boingo. To call the movie "strange" is to say Rush Limbaugh is a hatemonger. I remember one contemporary review of the movie described it as either a music video shot in Hell or a porno from Mars. As one of 8 people in Portland who actually sat thru its Portland showing in 1982, I can attest to the accuracy of that description.

      The summary of the plot in its Wikipedia article is accurate if I remember the movie correctly; it didn't make much sense to me after seeing it. In fact, I'm still trying to figure out if it could be described as a bad movie, since it danced that fine line between incomprehensible nonsense & budget-basement surrealism.

      In other words, I've had nightmares & fever-induced hallucinations that made more sense. If I could understand that movie I could tell you whether it was good or bad. And the time I could spend trying to understand it would be better spent in Washington state smoking some good marijuana.

  •  "Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band" (7+ / 0-)

    Yes, they made a feature film musical out of the classic Beatles album.

    However, they made it a disco version.

    Starring the Bee Gees and Peter Frampton.

    Featuring Donald Pleasance and George Burns (as Mr. Kite) alongside Aerosmith and Earth Wind & Fire.

  •  In 1992, I was flying home from England... (7+ / 0-)

    ...after finishing an overseas study program. I was exhausted, broke, tired and hungry, as well as having caught a nasty cold.

    Plus, I was seated next to an elderly Bulgarian couple who bickered the entire flight back.

    The in-flight movie was "Beethoven"...the Charles Grodin/St. Bernard "comedy". I decided to watch it, figuring that it couldn't be as bad as listening to the Bulgarian couple argue for 2 hours. I was wrong.

    Then again, it didn't help (or perhaps it did?) that the headphone dial was broken, so I could only listen to the movie in French, which I don't speak.

    Believe me, you haven't lived until you've heard Charles Grodin make dog poop jokes in French.

  •  Worst film: What the Bleep Do We Know? (7+ / 0-)

    It is an intellectually dishonest, emotionally manipulative cult recruitment film.  Great soundtrack though.

  •  reading the comments here, it strikes me . . . (8+ / 0-)

    just how many abysmally bad movies I have actually paid good money to see.

    ;)

  •  There's another category you forgot: (7+ / 0-)

    Movies That Simply NEVER END.

    These are films that are so fucking LONG (or that seem so long) that they make you want to kill yourself. In some cases they may not necessarily be "bad" (and in many cases won a shitload of Oscars and other awards), but dear lord are they boring.

    A Big Epic Film® can be done right--no one complained about Return of the King running 3 hrs 21 minutes (over 4 hours for the extended version). A great film usually feels half as long as it actually is, because you get so wrapped up in the story/characters.

    However, some movies do the opposite, and drag on and on and on and on...like:

    --The English Patient (Seinfeld did a whole episode about this, I believe)

    --Shining Through (terrible Michael Douglas/Melanie Griffith WWII Nazi espionage film). It only ran 2 hours but felt like it lasted 10.

    --Guys and Dolls I don't care how beloved the musical is; the film version just dragged on and on and on.

    --Out of Africa Again, I love Robert Redford and Meryll Streep, and I know it won a bucket of Oscars, but my God, this just dragged forever...

  •  Les Miserables (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Odysseus, lostboyjim

    Wait, no, that's wrong. Maybe I'm just a bit ticked because at the theatre we went to today, Les Miz was sold out for the next several showings. So really it was just so popular on opening day, we couldn't get in. We settled on Skyfall instead, which was enjoyable.

    Seriously, a worst list should include Spawn. I've said this before, but the entire script reads like this: " Have a camera operator jump up and down while filming random actors and actions. Put the resulting film into a giant blender, and process until no piece of film is longer than one and a half seconds. Splice film fragments together in random order. Project. Wonder why the audience is physically sick. The end."

    There has to be a better way.

    by lotac on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:25:42 PM PST

  •  "The Terror of Tiny Town" (5+ / 0-)

    This one fits into no definable category (or possibly every category) but is still far and away my pick for worst film of all time. It is an all-little people western, right down to Shetland ponies for horses and some of the worst acting and writing that has ever been committed to...anything.

    For the uninitiated, you can see the whole thing on YouTube. Here's the embed, but be warned...watching this one has been known to sear eyeballs with it sheer awfulness.

    Strategy without tactics is the slowest route to victory, tactics without strategy is the noise before defeat. Sun Tzu The Art of War

    by Stwriley on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:25:46 PM PST

  •  Just one word.... (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    BRog, Rimjob

    Hardware.

    Hint:  A "thriller" set many years in the future where a character is nicknamed "Shades" because he always wears Ray-ban sunglasses.

    Hint No. 2:  The movie thought a great way to show a hallucinogenic dying experience was to show a slideshow of fractals ('twas all the rage back then).

    Hint No. 3:  The theatre was nearly empty when I saw it, and when I walked out at the end, a theater employee asked if I liked the movie.  The look on my face must've said it all because she started laughing and said "Nobody likes  this movie!"  

    "There's something fundamentally wrong with a a system where a handful of people have more than they'd ever need and the mass of the people have less than they always need." -- Rev. Joseph Lowery

    by caul on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:28:52 PM PST

  •  Rambo: First Blood (4+ / 0-)

    has to be one of the worst films I've ever seen. Stallone is inarticulate and incoherent, the plot is ridiculously cliched and unbelievable. To this day I am shocked that people think it was anything but an inadvertent parody of action flicks.

    "A lie is not the other side of a story; it's just a lie."

    by happy camper on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:33:11 PM PST

    •  Did like where he ran through the minefield (0+ / 0-)

      completely unscathed, bombs going off all around him. (Or was that artillery fire? Who cares?)

      And in the beginning, when he was sneaking up on the Vietnamese secret camp and was challenged by . . . a snake?

      And God said, "Let there be light"; and with a Big Bang, there was light. And God said "Ow! Ow My eyes!" and in a flash God separated light from darkness. "Whew! Now that's better. Now where was I. Oh yea . . ."

      by Pale Jenova on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:28:44 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  No... Rambo II was worse. (0+ / 0-)

      First Blood actually had some redeeming qualities... I forget what those were, probably in 1981 they were still using the 70's film filters.

  •  Rocky Horror is not considered a bad film (9+ / 0-)

    In fact, it had generally positive reviews. I'm surprised you list it as so bad it's good along the lines of Plan 9.

    Plan 9 was an attempt to make a regular science fiction film that ended up being one of the worst, most incoherent films ever made.

    Rocky Horror was always intended as a satire mashup of science fiction, horror and musical, succeeded at its intention, and became wildly popular.

    •  someone I know called it the best first 45 min (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      lostboyjim, MT Spaces, kurt, Matt Z

      of a movie ever.

      I think that's a great description.

      of course it's only tolerable if you are watching it "live".

      big badda boom : GRB 090423

      by squarewheel on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:22:43 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  When I was a youngin ... (0+ / 0-)

        I actually got to watch it "live" at the Waverly Theater in Greenwhich Village, New York. The "cast" was already lined up in front of the screen before the movie started.

        Funny thing is, that what I remember most about their performance had nothing to do with RHPC. Before the movie started the theater played bizarre trailers, and one of them was for an alleged "snuff" film, mostly animals eating people, called "Savage Man, Savage Beast." As the trailer started, the entire cast began screaming in terror and running through the aisles yelling, things like, "oh God, no! Not "Savage Man, Savage Beast"!!! Now that was funny, and the trailer was truly gruesome.

  •  My nomination for worst sequel... (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    MT Spaces, Matt Z

    ...is Analyze That, the followup to Analyze This.

    That said, I thought the fourth Karate Kid movie, The Next Karate Kid, was pretty awful, too.

    Freedom isn't "on the march." Freedom dances.

    by WarrenS on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:39:33 PM PST

  •  How about anything by The Asylum such as (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    MT Spaces, Rimjob

    Transmorphers, Snakes on a Train, Mega Shark vs Whatever, and so on though some of them are so bad they're good.  At least I'm not paying anything (extra) for them as they are on Netflix streaming, probably because they license them so cheap.  To their credit, they refused to touch Atlas Shrugged even though they probably would have done a better job.

    You have watched Faux News, now lose 2d10 SAN.

    by Throw The Bums Out on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:42:12 PM PST

  •  lightning, the white stallion gets my vote! (0+ / 0-)

    mickey rooney must have owed a ton of money to show up for this movie-that's-so-bad-you-have-yo-watch-it-again because you can't believe what you just saw!

    the "star" - a "white" horse rounds the corner as a grey with a light mane and tail to become a true white horse to come around the corner as a grey with a grey mane and tail!

    talk about continuity, in the show scene, the rider in tan pants on a grey with a braided mane lands on the other side of the jump in red pants and flowing mane ONLY to braid that sucker and chand breeches in seven strides before the next jump!

    rooney phones it in wghile totally wasted!

    the movie was SOOOOO bad, i actually bought it cuz i wanted to prove what i saw actually made it to an audience.  oe of the most unintenionally funny films i've ever seen!
    it's on netflix.  get the popcorn ready and prepare to guffaw!

    worst.film.ever!!!!

  •  Me and You and Everyone We Know... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    MT Spaces

    ....an example of incomprehensible art-school FAIL.

    It's easy to take shots at MST3K films - I'd say that Manos: The Hands of Fate was the worst in execution, while Red Zone Cuba was the MST3K version of Me and You and Everyone We Know - an incomprehensible mess that NOTHING happens in.

    9-11 changed everything? Well, Katrina changed it back.

    by varro on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 07:57:41 PM PST

    •  The entire Coleman Franics trilogy is a nightmare (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      varro

      How the MST3K gang managed to sit through that without committing mass sucidie proves they are better people then I am.

      Another God-awful flick they did; Hobgoblins, maybe the worst of the many horredous "little monsters" flicks that ripped off Gremlins. Not only is it horrible, it's also incredibly scuzzy, as in "I need to take a shower after watching this."

  •  Guilty Pleasure Goes Wrong (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    MT Spaces, kurt

    Conan the Barbarian was a great movie until they killed Sandahl Bergman, for a Sunday afternoon there is nothing better. It was all set up to be a good franchise, then.....

    Conan the Destroyer.....WTF happened......a Sunday afternoon sedative.

  •  Neil Diamond's "The Jazz Singer" (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    dwayne, schnecke21

    This one was truly awful. Sorry, Neil.

    •  Yeah, one of the worst remakes ever (0+ / 0-)

      It's difficult to decide what's the worst thing about it, Diamond actually doing a blackface routine (hey, it worked in 1927, but you don't have to copy everything from the original), or Laurence Olivier hamming it to the rafters ("It's nut tuff enuff beink a Jew?") in one of the worst of his late career "gimme the money" roles.

  •  rocky horror (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    annieli, Rimjob, blueoregon

    is a great film...

    among the worst, i would include as good as it gets and paul mazursky's the tempest.

    The cold passion for truth hunts in no pack. -Robinson Jeffers

    by Laurence Lewis on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:17:26 PM PST

  •  Body Heat - a bad rendition of Larry Kasdan's (0+ / 0-)

    attempt to do something like Double Indemnity. Too bad Kathleen Turner and William Hurt are in this film.

    They're in South Florida in a million dollar mansion and Turner and Hurt are trying to cool off after one of their trysts so they have to get in the bathtub.  To top it all off they have to pour buckets of ice in the tub; a million dollar mansion and no central air in South Florida.

  •  A Passage to India (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Mathazar, LanceBoyle

    I believe it won academy awards but my god, I wanted to slit my wrists it was soooo boring and in the end I was bored and disappointed.  Others may have enjoyed, but this movie was totally boring.

    Chariots of Fire.  Tried to watch it three times.  Never got past the 15 minute mark.

    "I watch Fox News for my comedy, and Comedy Central for my news." - Facebook Group

    by Sychotic1 on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:37:58 PM PST

  •  Bio-Dome and a ShowGirls comment (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Rimjob, Caelian, Matt Z

    BioDome would also be in my list as one of those films that's so freaking bad that every time I see it pop up on pay cable, I hope that someone is embarrassed to cash the royalty check.  It is TERRIBLE.

    In regards to the Showgirls comparison to Magic Mike.. you're right.  Frankly, Magic Mike was not a very good movie; the left turn into story telling about drugs and some caper of running from drug dealers wanting money (the Magic Mike storyline) is totally ridiculous when the basic concept of a guy trying to make money to get a real business was at least interesting on it's own.

    But the reality is that Channing Tatum, for women, was more attractive then Berkley is for guys.   Berkley didn't do it for me.. at all.  Hell, Gershon who was in it was WAY more attractive.  And the scene in the pool is maybe the worst sex scene I can remember.  I kept rotating between too thoughts:  "He's got to be falling out every time she does this flopping shit" and my other thought was:  "If any woman ever reacted this way for me, I think I'd lose my erection nearly instantly out of fear she was having a seizure"

    Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

    by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:41:13 PM PST

  •  If we're being real here (0+ / 0-)

    then there has to be another category of suck: The Greatest Films that kinda really blow. My first favorite director Alfred Hitchcock has two in this slot: Vertigo and The Birds, both pretty humorless, and the latter sans music.

    Or, Great Movies we were told to revere but are teh suck, such as Citizen Kane.

    Citizen #6 on Moon Base Callista

    by Mike E on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:51:04 PM PST

    •  Wait.. what? (3+ / 0-)

      I admit, I put Veritgo as #1 on my all-time films list, and Citizen Kane is in my top 5.

      Both are masterfully directed and incredible performances.  But, to each their own

      Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

      by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:52:58 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Rear Window (0+ / 0-)

        kicks Vertigo's ass all day long...hell, I think Rope is better than that Catholic fetishist ick. Or any other Hitch film, except maybe Family Plot. Sorry, really not my cup of coffee.

        I truly admire Welles' cajones grandes in going after the biggest media mogul of the day, but srsly... career over, nice form though, your balls, Orson, we'll take those now.

        Citizen #6 on Moon Base Callista

        by Mike E on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:09:22 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

    •  Citizen Kane is a great film, but overrated (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Mike E

      One keeps hearing it's the greatest film ever made.  I guess I put it somewhere in my top 100, but there are so many thousand great films out there I'd rather (re)watch.  Kane is not the kind of film you can re-watch every few years and be enjoyable even when you know exactly what's coming next, like Strangers on a Train or Children of the Paradise.

      Alfred Hitchcock has a lot of clinkers, such as The Paradine Case and Marnie.  I also find Rebecca and The Trouble with Harry to be pretty dreary.  But Strangers on a Train, Sabotage, The 39 Steps, Blackmail, North by Northwest and so many others much more than make up for it.

      Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

      by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:39:41 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

    •  I really like The Birds (0+ / 0-)

      I think Hitchcocks two worst are:

      The Man Who Knew Too Much which features Doris Day singing Que Sera Sera about 27 times and also has her little kidnapped kid whistling through the floor vent after he realizes that the only person in the world who can sing a crappy song that crappily is his mother. If he can whistle, why can't he just scream, "Mom!  I'm up here! Come get me!"

      Marnie - just makes no sense whatsoever and wastes the talents of all involved

      “Human kindness has never weakened the stamina or softened the fiber of a free people. A nation does not have to be cruel to be tough.” FDR

      by Phoebe Loosinhouse on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:51:04 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Grown Ups with Adam Sandler (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    and Kevin James was terrible and I couldn't even finish it watching at home on Netflix.  I walked out of Star Trek: Insurrection when I saw that in the theaters, so I think that one must have sucked.  

    I've become so aware of how movies get reviewed now that I will rarely waste my time/money on watching a bad film.  So I guess there really aren't too many movies lately that I have seen that were truly awful.  

    •  "Grown Ups" is actually getting a sequel (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Nulwee

      That mere fact confirms to me that Adam Sandler ceased to give a crap about actually making films and just uses them as excuses to have lavish paid vacations and hang out with his SNL cronies.

      •  Yes, it's already been in pre-screens (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Nulwee

        Test audiences.  

        whistles

        Feel free to mention it here.

        Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

        by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:55:21 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  Can't Stop the Music (1980) (4+ / 0-)

    Considered by some a camp classic, this has got to be the worst film I've ever seen.  Terrible dialog, no discernable structure, awful performances.

    OTOH, with the right audience it might be a lot of fun.

    Better to hide your tax returns and be thought a crook than to release them and remove all doubt. [Adapted from Abraham Lincoln]

    by Caelian on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 08:55:38 PM PST

  •  Brown Bunny (This Post: Offensive ahead!) (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Rimjob, Nulwee, implicate order

    Brown Bunny is one of those vehicles that just stuns me how bad it is.   Gallo managed to get a film where Chloë Sevigny performs oral sex on him and swallows on film in a 7 minute segment that is both boring, offensive, and adds absolutely NOTHING to the film.

    Meanwhile, the rest of the film follows Gallo's character as he "connects" to his inner self by meandering around places as a racer, bagging women and feeling terrible.

    One of the worst films I've ever seen, and while the last 7 minutes TRIES to revive the film, by that point it is totally dead.

    Lots of people rent this thinking: woo-hoo I get to see Chloe in a full on sex scene!  But watch this with any woman you know and you will be having absolutely no sex for weeks on end.

    HORRIBLE

    Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

    by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:10:34 PM PST

    •  Roger Ebert's Review (4+ / 0-)

      Before its release, 'The Brown Bunny' was infamous for getting a scathing reaction from the audience at the Cannes Film Festival. Gallo then cut about 26 minutes out of the film, and critics responded more positively.

      Ebert gave the edited version a mildly positive review.

      In May of 2003 I walked out of the press screening of Vincent Gallo's "The Brown Bunny" at the Cannes Film Festival and was asked by a camera crew what I thought of the film. I said I thought it was the worst film in the history of the festival. That was hyperbole -- I hadn't seen every film in the history of the festival -- but I was still vibrating from one of the most disastrous screenings I had ever attended.

      The audience was loud and scornful in its dislike for the movie; hundreds walked out, and many of those who remained only stayed because they wanted to boo. Imagine, I wrote, a film so unendurably boring that when the hero changes into a clean shirt, there is applause. The panel of critics convened by Screen International, the British trade paper, gave the movie the lowest rating in the history of their annual voting.

      •  The final version (2+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Rimjob, Nulwee

        Is still wildly boring and self indulgent.    Worse yet for Chloe, in that by all telling during the screening at Cannes people were booing at high volumes during her fellatio scene.

        I don't care how confident you are as a woman, but sitting in an audience while people watch you give someone a B and have them booing you loudly has GOT to be a body blow to the confidence

        Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

        by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:43:37 PM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  I think that (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    mythatsme, blueoregon, Nulwee

    you missed the point of The Rocky Horror Show. Clue: It was a spoof of a particular type of 'B' movie.

    It was a masterpiece.

  •  Battleship (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Matt Z, Nulwee

    Great analysis.

    I saw Battleship today, total stinker. I'm guessing it is the toys/marketing issue here.

    Hannibal was horrible, although the book was even worse than the movie.

    I've seen Batman & Robin probably a half a dozen times. It's like a car wreck. I can't look away. I hate that Clooney got blamed for how bad it was when it was clearly Schumacher's fault.

    As bad as The Happening was, I don't know if anything can top how crappy The Last Airbender was. Yikes.

    •  It's hard to have a Battleship movie (2+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Matt Z, Nulwee

      When no one yells out "YOU SANK MY BATTLESHIP!"

      The rest was just a mess.

      Bad year for the lead, it and John Carter both tanked

      Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

      by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 10:27:28 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

      •  Yeah, they really blew it (1+ / 0-)
        Recommended by:
        Nulwee

        by not including the iconic line from the ad.

        I mean, it's not like they couldn't have added it in without disturbing the sanctity of the screenwriting. I think the filmmakers must have been brain dead.

        "Some people pay for what others pay to avoid." -- Howard Devoto /// "Patience is a virtue, but I don't have the time." -- David Byrne

        by droopyd on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 02:45:28 AM PST

        [ Parent ]

  •  Awful films... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    I have a dangerous tendency to like really, really terrible movies.  I own all the Riddick movies on DVD.  I own Final Fantasy: The Spirits Within on DVD.  I own Van Helsing on DVD.  I know.  I'm a sick, sick person.

    But I've got limits.  Here are some more for the grinder:

    The Beast of Yucca Flats.  Worse than Plan 9, and possibly worse than Manos.  At the very least, it makes less sense.

    Greaser's Palace.  One of several auteur experiments by Robert Downey, Sr., this one is a ... resurrection Gospel / Western / comedy / drama.  I dare anyone to watch it and make a conclusive determination as to whether it is parable or parody.  But then, I dare anyone to watch it...

    Mac and Me.  E.T. ripoff that is functionally little more than a feature-film-length McDonald's commercial.

    Monster A Go-Go.  Some of the most inept sound and video quality ever to get an actual release.  Also, there's no plot.  I wish I were kidding.

    Quite a few 1970s exploitation films should make the list.  They're not only bad, but they're uncomfortable to watch.  It's fun to sit down with your friends and mock all the things wrong with The Core or Reign of Fire (although, yikes, the latter film especially is a stinker!).  There is nothing fun in watching La Bestia in Calore (better known as SS Hellcamp).

    "All opinions are not equal. Some are a very great deal more robust, sophisticated and well supported in logic and argument than others." -Douglas Adams

    by Serpents Choice on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:22:18 PM PST

    •  Don't get me started on "Mac and Me" (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Nulwee

      They should just have called that Product Placement: The Motion Picture.

      And you're right about the McDonald's stuff especially. You have the dance off at McDonald's (!), Ronald McDonald getting a cast credit (!!)...even the aliens' names sound suspisciously like a plug for Big Macs.

    •  'Riddick'? 'Final Fantasy'? 'Van Helsing'? (0+ / 0-)

      You got better taste in questionable films than you think.  I got both Riddick movies and the half-hour animated film, and Final Fantasy:  The Spirits Within.  Now, Soldier (the Kurt Russell film from 1997), which I have, you might be tempted to hold your nose on.

      By the way, I heard that Vin Diesel might be making another Riddick film, where he is the Lord Marshal, and he intends to take the ship to the Underverse, presumably to kill the Necromonger god and put an end to the religious fanaticism that prompted the near-extinction of the Furians.

  •  There is also just plain bad casting (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    Happens to Jennifer Aniston all the time.

    The Woman in Black starred 22-year-old Daniel Radcliffe as a widowed lawyer with a 4-year-old son.

  •  The Pickle (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    It was so bad I don't even remember it.

    "Train yourself to let go of everything you fear to lose." ―Yoda to Anakin Skywalker

    by Auntie Neo Kawn on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:32:24 PM PST

  •  M Night... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    "The Last Airbender: In 3D"  I've watched bad films, and taken irony and comedic value from them.  But as far as just plain BAD goes, this takes the cake.  Nothing to laught at, just bad, bad, bad, bad.  BAD.  Did I mention soul-crushingly bad?

    But Highlander II came close. We always called the next one, "Highlander III: the Apology". And the "Highlander" the TV show came on, and heaven started again, with sexier men.

    Minority rights should never be subject to majority vote.

    by lostboyjim on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 09:33:49 PM PST

  •  Holiday Films (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    schnecke21, Purple Priestess, Nulwee

    Holiday Films deserve their own category as well. When you don't have a story or a plot, some directors apparently believe a holiday alone can be a vehicle for a film. Rising to the top (or perhaps more appropriately, sinking to the bottom) of this category would be "Jingle All The Way." It's supposed to be a comedy, and the only reason I stuck it out to the end was I kept hoping for it to get funny. It never did. How could you be unfunny with Danny Devito and Matthew Broderick as your leads? Quite easily, apparently.

  •  Bad Teen-Sex-Romp films (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee, Odysseus

    I could list American Pie 3/4/5/6
    Fired Up

    And a TON of other films aimed at flashing sex to teens..and doing a REALLY crappy job of it.   Deserves it's own category

    Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

    by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 10:05:22 PM PST

  •  Exit to Eden (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Purple Priestess, kurt, Nulwee

    The first half is a porno with Dana Delaney, Rosie O'Donnell (in leather and studs, IIRC), Dan Akroyd, and Iman, among others. The second half lacks the porn and is even worse.

    I'm surprised it hasn't been mentioned - maybe I'm the only person who saw it.

    In Soviet Russia, you rob bank. In America, bank robs you.

    by badger on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 10:27:37 PM PST

  •  I beg to differ with the SW Prequels (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    I happen to think the Star Wars prequels were very well written except for the following problems:

    1)  Dialog
    2)  Jar Jar Binks - For instance, why on earth did George Lucas have to bite from Wayne's World and have Jar Jar Binks say "Exqueeze me?"  Seriously, that's Wayne Campbell's line you unoriginal fool!

    As far as non-writing issues, the coloring wasn't in sync exactly with the previous Star Wars films (Episodes 4, 5 and 6).  

    I happen to think the SW Prequels were fine otherwise.  If Lucas had addressed those above issues and eliminated Jar Jar, those Star Wars films wouldn't be getting the criticism they do today.  On the other hand, they are George Lucas's babies.  I find it so laughable that more outcry is being made over Star Wars films and not enough towards films like Patch Adams, which were made from the studio's wishes.  Interesting how people complain about Lucas when his Star Wars films are of his own mind, his own creation and no one pressured him to make prequels.  Lucas is the most successful independent history and more energy is used to bring him down than the big film studios that make more crap than Lucas ever did.  I just find that so funny.

    Besides, I never hear Star Wars fans complaining about the endless amount of Star Wars novels being published that continue on with the Star Wars universe and develop these new characters that really don't fit in Star Wars.  These novels existed well before The Phantom Menace and the content in them is much worse than what's in Episodes 1-3.  In fact, some if it is down right laughable.

    Then again, my interest in Lucas's new Star Wars franchise waned when I watched Star Wars: The Clone Wars.  I just wanted to know more information about the Star Wars universe but Anakin Skywalker and his companion were literally cartoon characters and devoid of any real character development or tics in the Clone Wars film.

    I've seen much worse films.  You didn't even mention Super Mario Bros, Double Dragon or Michael Bay's "Transformers" films, which have much less brains than Lucas has with writing his scripts.

    •  The problem with the prequels, for me. (6+ / 0-)

      Wasn't Jar Jar Binks.  It's that they blew Vader.  The whole point of the prequels was the dramatic leadup to Annakin's turn to the dark side and becoming of Vader.  It was Paradise Lost recast.

      However, as somebody as immersed in mythology as George Lucas should have realized, Satan can't fall from grace unless he first has grace.  Annakin had to have more of a good side to lose, so we could all have a big weepy cry over the moment when he snaps and chooses the wrong path, that we can wish him, "No, Annakin!  Don't do that!  She loves you!"  Nope.  None of that.  In Episode 1, he was a figure of some sympathy.  But by Episode 2...  he was already a dickhead!  Before you even got to Episode 3.  We should have had more of Annakin in love, Annakin ready to do anything for his wife, Annakin hot-headed and maniacal in his passion, Annakin so fragile that losing his great love would make him into some terrible burnt core of a man...  

      They blew all that.  So the first three episodes were a waste.  

    •  Dialog is kind of important (n/t) (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Nulwee

      Hige sceal þe heardra, heorte þe cenre, mod sceal þe mare, þe ure mægen lytlað

      by milkbone on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:00:23 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Oh and another thing about the SW Prequels... (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    Acting was monotone for a number of actors, except Liam Neeson and Christopher Lee.  Ian McDarmid (spelling?) had a great scene in Revenge of the Sith where he tells Anakin Skywalker about a Jedi who turned to the dark side, while he watches a performance.

    •  RoTS (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Nulwee

      Is actually pretty decent.   I find it rewatchable.   The first two, not so much, though AOTC isn't horrible.  It's just the first one that it's really problematic, because it drags.

      If all we were given was RoTS, I think people would have been OK, and went "wow", it was the other stuff that dragged it down.

      I'm looking forward to new films.  I really like the scriptwriting team, and if Timothy Zahn signs on to consult, I will be there day 1.

      Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

      by Chris Reeves on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 10:40:02 PM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Catwoman. (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    The one with Halle Berry.  Simply one of the worst movies ever made.

    The movie I went to this year that all my friends loved but I hated was Prometheus.  Yech.

  •  I thought "The Aristocrats" was both (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Purple Priestess, Matt Z, Nulwee

    embarrassing and hideously unfunny. When my wife and I walked out after enduring 30 minutes of it, it cut the size of the audience in the theater from 6 to 4--and this was in suburban Chicago.

    The Adventurers (1970) was truly grotesque, almost hilariously bad but not quite funny enough to stay.

    The Gay Deceivers was sickeningly anti-gay and poorly made.

    Borat was ugly, fraudulent, disgusting, and--time for a word that will make me sound like I'm 100 years old--vulgar. Just pathetic. I don't understand what so many saw in it.

    The Austin Powers movies and their tiresome bathroom humor that might be funny if I were 5 years old; anything with Ashton Kutcher or Pauly Shore; most things with Adam Sandler or David Spade. Even great directors miss the mark at times. Celebrity by Woody Allen is complete horse manure.

    Ah me. There are so many others...

    Read a preview of Volume One of my book here.

    by Yosef 52 on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 10:47:15 PM PST

    •  I enjoyed The Aristocrats (4+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Yosef 52, blueoregon, Matt Z, Nulwee

      but I saw it on TV.  If I had to watch it in a theater, I'd probably be annoyed, too.  Some films like that are great to watch at home just because you don't feel trapped, and like you can just stand up and grab a beer, make a phone call, and continue watching it without missing anything vital.

  •  "Hurry Sundown" was a really trashy wallow (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    through the problem of racism and social injustice. It had so many miscast stars it was unbelievable. Otto Preminger had Michael Caine as a poor Southerner. Jane Fonda was his wife. It wanted to be To Kill a Mockingbird but stunk to high heaven. Should have been called "Hurry Credits"

    Slow thinkers - keep right

    by Dave the Wave on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:01:05 PM PST

  •  Megaforce! (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Matt Z

    Really, really awful sci-fi with Barry Bostwick:

    Megaforce

    It was directed by Hal Needham. Need I say more?

    Thank your stars you're not that way/Turn your back and walk away/Don't even pause and ask them why/Turn around and say 'goodbye'/Just wish them well.....

    by Purple Priestess on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:04:23 PM PST

  •  The theatrical ending of Blade Runner is better (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee, Odysseus

    The director's cut ending adds another scene (also from another movie if I remember) to hit you over the head with Ridley Scott's interpretation of Deckard's humanity. Totally without nuance on the one hand and totally ruins the entire premise of the movie on the other hand.

    When we stop putting leaders from the past up on pedestals and ignoring their flaws, we can start seeing our present leaders for what they really are.

    by PhillyJeff on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:12:03 PM PST

  •  A few nominations (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    So Bad It’s Good:

    “The People” – Aliens are living on earth. They can fly but never do, because they’d be persecuted, so they decide to live like the Amish. With William Shatner.

    “Battle Beyond the Stars” – Rip off of Star Wars. Richard Thomas (John-Boy Walton) is a farmboy who has to find mercenaries to defend his planet against an invasion. Also features Robert Vaughn, John Saxon, George Peppard, Sybil Danning.

    Just Plain Bad:

    “The Ice Storm” -- sort of like “That 70s Show” but without any humor.

    “Spaceballs” – Even Mel Brooks sometimes makes a stinker.

    Just to name a couple Stephen King movies, “Christine” (evil car) and “Cujo” (evil dog).

    “If you misspell some words, it’s not plagiarism.” – Some Writer

    by Dbug on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:12:15 PM PST

  •  How could you not include... (0+ / 0-)

    Prospero's Books as the ultimate in an "art" film gone horribly wrong?  Peter Greenaway somehow got John Gielgud to participate in that monstrosity of a film.

    Oooh... let's do a "loose" adaptation of Shakespeare's The Tempest... but with no plot.  And lots of fat, hairy naked dudes.  And some naked kids as well so that it borders on child pornography.

    It was really sad to see someone with the stature of John Gielgud basically screaming into the distance by himself for half the movie.  And that's what Greenaway calls "narration".

  •  Zentropa (0+ / 0-)

    Boring, stupid, pretentious, vapid.

    And then there was this terrible taiwanese (i think) movie about a couple of yuppies -- the woman is a real estate agent -- and they ... they ... well, whatever they do, it's so boring i couldn't pay attention.

    Oh, and the first Hulk movie. Good god that was boring.

    To put the torture behind us is, inevitably, to put it in front of us.

    by UntimelyRippd on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:27:31 PM PST

  •  I must defend Heaven's Gate. (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Alexandre

    It stands as a great morality tale for how not to budget a Hollywood film, but Heaven's Gate is still a great film DESPITE being a massive history-making financial bloodbath for the producers.  That's their problem, not ours.  It doesn't affect our enjoyment of it.

    You could compare it to Ishtar, I suppose, which was also another financial apocalypse, but Ishtar was just a LOUSY FILM.  Can anybody remember what Ishtar is about, anybody who saw it?  I can't remember.  It has two buddy filmmakers or something like that in it.  I think I saw it like five or six times in total, but never all at one sitting -- mostly just flipping by it going from one channel to another and seeing a few minutes of it wondering, "Huh, have I seen this before?  Oh, this is that dreck..."  Add all those minutes up and you've got at least five or six full viewings in your life although you never really had the stomach to sit and watch it.

    I'll nominate a couple of oscar winners for worst films ever, just to show how creative I am:

    1. Lord of the Rings -- any of them.  And the Hobbit, too, if it gets nominated.  I don't care how many awards it wins, how much money it makes -- it's still a travesty.  And the Academy should roast in hell for ever giving a best music film to that tripe -- because it deserves worst film honors just for the abysmally awful music.  Without that music -- I'm not sure -- it might have had a chance to be half-decent.  I love film music.  I adore film music.  I write diaries about film music.  Lord of the Rings, Oscar winning music or not, had shit for music.

    2. Terms of Endearment.  In fact, I'll go a bit further afield here, and say any Oscar nominated family drama that stars some treasured over the hill actress like Shirley MacLaine or Meryl Streep in what everybody suspects might be their last film (but sadly, never is).  You can tell as soon as these films come out, they are coming out to win an Oscar nomination for the actor and so the quality is going to be poorer than usual as a consequence.  What?  You say that should make the quality higher?  That they should strive harder to appeal and to win that Oscar?  Naw.  They just need to put one of these old warhorses on stage in some situation where they can show they're still alive, and members of the Academy will vote for them just out of their own private secret fear of growing old and dying unloved.

    •  OH, one more worst of all time... (0+ / 0-)

      I haven't even seen the film.  I just facepalmed everytime I saw the preview.

      Walt Disney's The Hunchback.  A singin' swingin' tenor-voiced Hunchback of Notre Dames trading barbs with talking gargoyles.  If offends me even more because I know there must have been people, especially children, who saw that without prior knowledge of Hugo's The Hunchback of Notre Dames or even good past film adaptations of it.  Some things are sacrilege.  

    •  Thanks... (1+ / 0-)
      Recommended by:
      Dumbo

      THanks for the shout out for Heaven's Gate.  It's a great movie, despite the runaway production costs.  

  •  Ballistic: Ecks vs. Sever (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    Antonio Banderas and Lucy Liu

    So awful that I couldn't really look away, except to check my watch. I mean, it took about three minutes to see how bad it was, but I kept thinking  it would get better. I was wrong. Sure, I could have changed the channel, but what fun is that?

    "An injury to one is an injury to all"

    by jhb90277 on Tue Dec 25, 2012 at 11:35:03 PM PST

  •  Just thought of two more (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    that I actually saw as a double feature. It was a boring day... Once Bitten is a stinker Jim Carrey flick - it may have been his first feature film. The other was Transylvania 6-5000 with an embarrassed Jeff Goldblum (and rightly so).

    I recall one other film I left about halfway through. A yawnfest called Let's Scare Jessica to Death. Boring and pretentious.

    Thank your stars you're not that way/Turn your back and walk away/Don't even pause and ask them why/Turn around and say 'goodbye'/Just wish them well.....

    by Purple Priestess on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 12:02:37 AM PST

  •  two words (2+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee, Odysseus

    Human Centipede.  It is difficult to rise to the top of  "so bad it is good" in the horror genre.  If you don't think the original qualifies, you can check out the two sequels.  

    All forms of fundamentalist thought breed magical thinking.

    by YankInUK on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 01:47:27 AM PST

  •  I liked Prometheus (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

                     Jeez, people overanalysed that movie to death. Why couldn't they just sit back, relax and enjoy it for the roller coaster ride that it was? I would go to a website site and as soon as the subject turned to Prometheus there would be 27,389 comments picking apart everything from the plot points to the Weyland Corporation logo. I honestly believe that a lot of the most critical were just upset that it wasn't a true prequel to Alien - which Ridley Scott said it wasn't going to be in the first place! Although I would never compare Prometheus to 2001, I remember when Kubricks film came out in 1968 and the criticisms about it were eerily similar, especially about the ending and the plot being full of holes. Let's face it, if we nitpicked and overanalysed Star Wars the same way we'd never be able to watch that movie again and enjoy it.
                     But I agree with many of the choices here. I am not disappointed at a '50s low-budget sci-fi flick being a total ( and sometimes wonderfully funny) piece of excrement - it's the Big Hollywood Important Movies that piss me off, and Crash has to be near the top of the list. What a stupid, self-important piece of tripe. When Sandra Bullock hugged her Hispanic maid at the end I laughed harder than I did at Young Frankenstein. Man, you really have to wonder how homophobically paranoid Hollywood really is when Brokeback Mountain lost the Best Picture Oscar to this piece of shit.
                         Oh, and Aliens is the greatest action movie in the history of the goddamned universe. Game over, man! Game over!!!

  •  The Matrix sequels sucked because (3+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee, Odysseus, Rimjob

    Reloaded tried too hard, and Revolutions didn't try at all.  Reloaded crams so many philosophical ruminations (some of which are indeed profound) into a story that mostly doesn't benefit from them that the whole ends up being less than the sum of the parts, so you get several scenes that are intriguing (I was especially impressed with the Architect) but the movie means exactly dick, and the journey is not much fun.  

    Revolutions, however, is just a giant slap in the face to the audience: Basically, "Ha Ha, fuck you, we got you!  You will watch this no matter how much it sucks, so we're not even going to try!  It's going to be all cliches, all shitty, boring action sequences, and nothing will make any damn sense.  We go Michael Bay on your ass, biatch!"

    In Roviet Union, money spends YOU.

    by Troubadour on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 05:12:20 AM PST

  •  "django unchained"! i mean, i haven't seen it, but (0+ / 0-)

    it's horrible!

    Coming Attraction: "Tea Party II - now with more stupid!"

    by memofromturner on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 05:12:24 AM PST

  •  No Mention of Plan 9? (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Nulwee

    I bought a book long ago called the "Fifty Worst Films of All Time" or something like that it.  It was hilarious.  It ranked Plan 9 from Outer Space as the worst of the worst (although it also had a number of movies mentioned above.)  I promised myself, a lover of movies something awful, that I couldn't

    I finally got to see Plan 9 about 5 years ago and it was unbelievable.  Everything written about it was true.  Production values in the toilet.  Extraordinarily bad acting. Not to mention a script that seemed to take the worst of the worst and put them all into one spot.

    It was a classic!!!

    Ishtar I saw exactly 5 minutes of by accident, but Plan 9 is a movie that devotees of bad movies simply must put on their "must see!" list.

    P.S. 2012 was indeed terrible, but I'd put it in the "so bad it's good" category, if for no other reason than I'm a disaster movie junkie and Woody Harrelson gives one of the most hilarious performances of his life in that movie (while he's still alive, anyhow LOL).

  •  The Fifth Element (1+ / 0-)
    Recommended by:
    Odysseus

    The sci-fi film I wish I could have walked out of was The Fifth Element.

    "A dreamer is one who can only find his way by moonlight, and his punishment is that he sees the dawn before the rest of the world." Oscar Wilde

    by michelewln on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 05:58:49 AM PST

  •  Only movie I ever left halfway through: (0+ / 0-)

    Home For The Holidays, directed by Jodie Foster, with a great cast including Holly Hunter, Robert Downey, Jr., Ann Bancroft, and Charles Durning (RIP). Everybody mugging at the top of their voice. Horrible.

    Hige sceal þe heardra, heorte þe cenre, mod sceal þe mare, þe ure mægen lytlað

    by milkbone on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:05:26 AM PST

    •  I love that movie. (0+ / 0-)

      i used to watch it every thanksgiving. i no longer have it, sniff. but, the scene where the younger sister tells off the older sister, my younger sister could have written that scene. but, then i come from a screwed up family.

      "Let us never forget that doing the impossible is the history of this nation....It's how we are as Americans...It's how this country was built"- Michelle Obama

      by blueoregon on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:19:28 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  i'm late to the party (0+ / 0-)


    what film is that one featuring the craptastic costume on Sean Connery with the bikini bandoleros?

    "Kossacks are held to a higher standard. Like Hebrew National hot dogs." - blueaardvark

    by louisev on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:09:52 AM PST

  •  IQ (0+ / 0-)

    "IQ", with terminally cute Meg Ryan and Walter Matthau as Albert Einstein--as interpreted by SZ Zakall.

  •  About Elizabeth Berkeley and "Showgirls." (0+ / 0-)

    I don't understand why that awful movie ruined E. Berkeley's career when it didn't ruin Gina Gerson's career.

    "Mistress of the Topaz" is now available in paperback! Link here: http://www.double-dragon-ebooks.com/single.php?ISBN=1-55404-900-8

    by Kimball Cross on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 06:53:50 AM PST

    •  Because Gina (0+ / 0-)

      Was WAY more attractive and managed to act; everytime people saw Berkley, all they could think about was Flipper Sex.

      Gandhi's Seven Sins: Wealth without work; Pleasure without conscience; Knowledge without character; Commerce without morality; Science without humanity; Worship without sacrifice; Politics without principle

      by Chris Reeves on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 08:40:03 AM PST

      [ Parent ]

  •  Xanadu, The Tourist, Kickboxer, The Hand that... (0+ / 0-)

    The Hand that Rocks The Cradle: it was part of that whole "crazy seductive woman" genre: Basic Instinct, Dangerous Liasons. This time its Rebecca De Mornay out to steal the terrified boomers baby.

    Xanadu..o.k. soundtrack..but felt embarrassed for one of my favorite dancers: Gene Kelly

    The Tourist: watch Angelina Jolie walk through Paris dressed up in fancy clothes. Its like one long perfume commercial.

    The Kickboxer: eye candy Jean-Claude Van Damme's "coming out" movie. Acting was horrendous but he really looked buff, plus he does a nice dance.

    Show Girls: its so campy its good. Meow!

    Catwoman: ditto (see Showgirls comment)

  •  Rocky Horror Picture Show (0+ / 0-)

    I don't consider RHPS to be a particularly bad movie at all.  It's a straightforward adaptation of a campy stage rock musical with some pretty good tongue-in-cheeck musical numbers and exactly the type of exaggerated performances you'd expect in such a thing.  It works reasonably well on its own without all the "midnight movie" silliness.    

  •  All Hollywood makes now is awful movies with (0+ / 0-)

    an occasional mistake which results in either making a turd stink worse, or lifting it to watchable status. They can't mean to do the things that make their schlock entertaining - it has to be an error or a mistake. I no longer consider them "talent" capable of producing anything more involved or complex than a superbowl commercial. MTV and pursuing the $$$$ from the teen audience has destroyed them.

    Their track record is truly terrible. if I even see a commercial for one of their upcoming "products" I go channel surfing. I don't even bother to let it in the first gate. Foreign movies are the only ones with a hint of originality anymore, and even then its very few and very far between.

    Send conservatives to FilthyLiberal.com for re-education.

    by filthyLiberalDOTcom on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 09:48:12 AM PST

  •  movies that piss me off (0+ / 0-)

    Gun Shy with Liam Neeson and Sandra Bullock
    City of Angels with Nicholas Cage and Meg Ryan
    Pretty Woman with Richard Gere and Julia Roberts
    Top Gun/Interview with a Vampire with Tom Cruise

    and I am trying to get through The Campaign with Will Ferrell and Zach Galifianakis

    I want to stay as close to the edge as I can without going over. Out on the edge you see all kinds of things you can't see from the center. Kurt Vonnegut

    by klimtone on Wed Dec 26, 2012 at 10:50:07 AM PST

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