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Oh, Great Pookah Puppies, I thought I'd run out of ideas for snarky, fake, heart-rending appeals for funding, but this weekend has been rife with them.

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Please come in. You're invited to make yourself at home! Join us beneath the doodle...

One started as an off-the-cuff response to Christian Dem in NC's diary.

I mean really, it was just begging to riffed into a faked up appeal. I couldn't resist the temptation. And so, me being me, I inflict the expanded version on you. Because I can.

As a Pagan Elder, I beseech you, please open your hearts and your homes to these poor, neglected guns.

They've been vilified for so long, outcast in a world that can't, nay - won't understand them, deprived of proper ammo, and hidden shamefully inside locked cabinets. Even on outings, they are hidden away inside fully concealing burkhas until they reach the hunter's perch or get to come out to play in secretive, restricted ranges.

Americans, it's time to throw off that shame and reclaim our lost children of metal!

No longer should they be locked away from their beloved rounds of ammo. Throw off the burkhas and let their beauty shine openly!

Stand proud of your Glock Brothers and Springfield Sisters, reach out to your S&W cousins, and relearn the lost arts of reloading, just to make them happy! You can do it!  It is the pagan thing to do!

Please, won't you adopt a Marlin Camp Shooter or a sweet Bushmaster or even a whole litter of Berettas today?

They need you to keep them safe, to show pride in them, to let them shoot free!

You can do it!

Hurry, before it's too late!

Then, oh, my stars and garters!,

There were the Republicans, making the Onion look so lame and unimaginative. We need to build safe compounds for them, and we could charge admission to ride through the tunnels to observe them in their natural habitat. Don't worry, they can't see us. after all, we're not part of their reality. Follow me as we tour their neighborhood:

My fellow Americans, for your entertainment, we present to you the endangered Frothing Republican.  

Please keep your arms and legs inside the trolley at all times. You may freely photograph them, but for your safety, we don't allow audio.  Hearing them speak will make you weep.

Look, there's a cluster of Republican men. Note the frantic gleam in their eyes, compounded of a mix of fear and misplaced pride.  They're not House-broken, which is why they often gather outdoors. Before we move on, do take some time to notice that some have teabags stapled to their baseball caps - they are so convinced they'll suffer an apocalypse they have to make sure their food source is always visible.  

And pay attention to the blued weapons they have strapped to every limb and even slung in holsters across their back.  The more powerful ones have the highest number of weapons. For their safety, we've removed all ammunition, but we still get a few incidences where they batter one another with the butts of those carbines. As you can see happening right this minute.  

Don't worry, we'll gas them to sleep and send in medics to bandage them. This happens from time to time.

Oh, look! It's a rare sighting of a Vagistanian Denialist.  You can tell them by their festoons of plastic fetuses and Rambo style bandoliers of rifles. The one appears to be more dedicated than most, he seems to have jars of -

Oh, dear, I see some of you are being overwhelmed, let's dim the tunnel walls and we'll play a vid of Congress negotiating a trade treaty with Free New China.

And then, the US Government shattered the dreams of the Sith Lords by refusing to build a Death Star!  The Force just wasn't with them, was it?  Of course, we don't need a Death Star and our sane government was quite right to refuse to divert essential funds to the building of one. A Lunar Amusement Park is a far more attractive enterprise.  
Let us take a peek at the proposed Lake of Dreams Amusement Park and Entertainment Capitol.

With variations in the gravitational field of the Moon, the Lake of Dreams has crafted some of the most thrilling rides known to Mankind. Two of the most popular rides are the Star Rush Roller Coaster, the largest roller coaster in the solar system, and the Moon Bat Free Fall Colosseum.

Through magnetronics and gravitational variances, the Star Rush Roller Coaster is not for the faint of heart.  Each car comes equipped with its own oxygen supply and multidirectional restraints for additional safety.  Occupants will spin as the car travels at astronomical speeds through the track, at times seeming to be floating among the stars and other times zooming towards Earth itself. A vid of the occupants enjoying the ride is available upon debarkation.

The Moon Bat Free Fall Colosseum is a more sedate ride.  Guests strap on large bat wings and are encouraged to run, jump, and flap the wings in order to fly for brief distances.  Experienced guests find they can sometimes reach the top of the Colosseum to collect one of the prize balls fastened there.

When not enjoying the pleasures of the Lake of Dreams Amusement Park and Entertainment Center, guests can luxuriate in the oxygenated cabins, or enjoy chasing their meals in one of the many low-grav restaurants.

The marketing opportunities and the jobs created through the Lake of Dreams Amusement Park and Entertainment Center will fund the terraforming efforts on Mars, where arable lichen farmlands are already producing acres of tasty lichens being exported to the dining establishments on the Moon and even all the way back to Earth.

The stars are in our grasp. Let's go play!

I suppose if the Far Right can have their paranoid dreams, we of the Moderate Middle can have pleasant day dreams.

While you ponder what fantastical enterprises you'd like your tax dollars to fund, let's take a peek at the Tops:  Top Comments, Top Mojo, and Top Pictures in the enchanting Picture Quilt.

January 14, 2013

Thanks to tonight's Top Comments contributors! Let us hear from YOU
when you find that proficient comment.

From Steve

entlord regaled us with a restaurant story in the MoT.
From Dave in Northridge:
implicate order provides a motive for the reclassification of homosexuality in Kaili Joy Gray's diary Professional Bible-humper says having the gay isn't a 'super sin'
From Melanie in IA:
In Hunter's diary this afternoon, gizmo59 apologizes for wreaking havoc on the world...
From blue aardvark:
In my diary about Glenn's Galt's Gulch, cassandaracarolina solves the energy crisis for them.!
From Puddytat:
While we were laughing at Kos' diary about the Tea Party changing its name because it's got a (well-deserved) lousy reputation, there was one thread that just said it all from a pat of butter in a sea of grits

While there were many other recommendations of name changes (the entire comment section is a laugh a minute), this particular thread tickled me.

PS - Thanks for all your hard work on Top Comments

January 13, 2013

(excluding Tip Jars and first comments)

Got mik!

  1) i can't work around by Laurence Lewis — 164
  2) Perhaps one of the reasons that you don't by Richard Lyon — 141
  3) Wow.  Where is by Arlys — 140
  4) Conspiracy?  It's a proposal he's already made n/t by schemp — 126
  5) Halle-friggin'-luia! by anastasia p — 105
  6) Obama never dreamed by dkmich — 104
  7) BRAVO by AlexThorne — 93
  8) In my experiences, I've generally found... by markthshark — 89
  9) Why hasn't he "taken it off the table" yet? by lunachickie — 88
10) if you think Im shilling for it, you didn't read by coolelegans — 83
11) I'm not going to stand by silently and let either by SpecialKinFlag — 82
12) Face it kenm: many people on this site by praenomen — 82
13) Thinking about the meaning of life leaves me a bit by kerflooey — 81
14) #sekritarmy keeping the future safe. by jwinIL14 — 79
15) The silence from dKos was beginning to by glitterscale — 77
16) Uh huh.  So this admin. conspiracy to cut SS by Troubadour — 77
17) i wouldn't be able by Laurence Lewis — 69
18) That guy by Words In Action — 67
19) HA! yes by Portia Elm — 65
20) Get rid of the cap. by rk2 — 65
21) "Whatever happened to that guy." by jpmassar — 64
22) exactly by Laurence Lewis — 62
23) I don't think I said or implied that it was by indycam — 60
24) Scientific pooties by Amber6541 — 60
25) Who's got time to address income inequality? by Dallasdoc — 60
26) Love your "Scientific Americat" cover. by Amber6541 — 57
27) You personally upset me by greenbell — 57
28) "Whatever happened to that guy?" by jpmassar — 57
29) speak for yourself by Boudicia Dark — 57
30) One lesson learned: by NonnyO — 56
31) Bubbles-- for good or evil? by kerflooey — 56

January 13, 2013

Enjoy jotter's wonderful PictureQuilt™ below. Just click on the picture and it will magically take you to the comment that features that photo. Have fun, Kossacks!

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