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Woman in a fencing suit with a sword
She's never gonna catch a man THAT way
Are you "a woman who's looking for Mr. Right and getting nowhere"? Well, then, you're in luck, because Suzanne Venker is here to tell you what you're doing wrong, including, but not limited to, being a woman.

Venker is the niece of Phyllis "Yes, she's still alive" Schlafly and, like her aunt, a self-appointed expert on how feminism ruined everything and turned men into worthless, unmarriageable slackers. She has written several books and articles explaining that women "are happiest and most satisfied when they reject the feminist creed and embrace their femininity." And really, who could argue with that? I know my greatest joy comes from embracing my femininity and rejecting the movement that gave me the right to vote, own my own property and earn an income that vaguely approximates what my male colleagues are paid. Equality, I reject thee!

In Venker's latest steaming pile of accidental satire, she discusses how Jane Austen is super popular two centuries later because she understood that "[f]or women, sex is an emotional experience." Plus she includes a quote from an article she read in the New York Times about Lena Dunham, so you know she's edgy and very now. And, furthermore, she explains how the "female body is steeped in oxytocin and estrogen, two chemicals that together produce an environment ripe for attachment." So, you know. Science.

Head below the fold for Venker's four easy steps to finding your very own Mr. Darcy.

1. Play hard to get. Don’t be so aggressive. When women make themselves so available to men, the thrill of the chase is gone. The harder you are to “catch,” the more interesting you become. It’s a message as old as the sun. But it works.
Remember, being a passive-aggressive tease is the best tried and true method of catching a man. After all, it worked for a fictional character from two centuries ago, so you know it works.
2. Wait for sex. I know it’s chic to think of yourself as a sex goddess. And maybe you are. But the truth is, if you present yourself this way to a man—in the way you dress and behave—he’ll respond in kind. If you want to be the one he brings home to mom, make him earn your love. And your body.
Who cares if you have sexual needs? No man will want you if you like sex. That's a fact!
3. Make your guy feel important. Sure, you’re self-sufficient. And he is, too. But everybody wants to feel valued. Men in particular. What’s wrong with letting him take care of things every once and a while? After all, why would he keep coming around if you give him the impression he has nothing to offer?
Everyone wants to feel special, but men want to feel even more special, so get on that. But not with sex. Never make him feel special with sex because then you're a whore. Which is chic, but hey, remember, Elizabeth Bennett kept her knees together.
4. Put down your sword. Despite what you’ve heard, men don’t love b*tches. They like nice women. Strong and confident women, yes. But nice. They can go hand in hand. Really.
Don't be a bitch and ... stop fencing? Yeah, I don't get it either.

Originally posted to Kaili Joy Gray on Wed Feb 20, 2013 at 08:21 AM PST.

Also republished by Sluts and Daily Kos.

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