Bless me, father, for I have sinned. Oh and I'm perfectly fine with it so fuck you.
You can’t drink and drive. You can’t text and drive. You can’t smoke bud and drive. It’s like they expect you to just focus on driving.
I want the drugs of the guy who thought “People should decide shit by making rocks, papers and scissors fight. WITH JUST THEIR HANDS.”
"I'm a social liberal/fiscal conservative" translated into normal English means "I'm a rich person that has to pay for sex"
Money can’t buy true happiness. It buys contentedness. Little green papers and a Ferrari won’t make you feel what a Buddhist monk feels.
Nothingness spawned time and space. Chaos created, then tamed. Stars born and killed. Planets forged. All for you. So smile motherfucker.
“Just be yourself” is the worst advice. Some people fucking suck and it’s our duty to make sure they know that.
Break the ice with someone new as you're both standing on it so that if there is an after life you can have a good laugh together.