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From the Great State of Maine in an undisclosed location between Ledgewood and Pheasant Hill Drive in beautiful, rainy Portland, Maine it's Awards Edition Plus, your one-stop snark shop sitting in for Cheers and Jeers.

How Bill in Portland Maine could take April Fool's Day off, I simply do not know. My guess is that it's the only day his witch doctor could fit him in to lance that large boil on his thigh which he insists is an ingrown hair but I'm pretty convinced is some kind of social disease. No matter, Awards Edition Plus is here, queer, and and has a fabulous outfit.

Join us over the fold for the AEP Editorial by Managing Editor Lenin Cat, the News of Dubious Veracity Department and other fun features including the Golden Douchenozzle Award Nominees for April 1, 2013. Follow us over the jump for the cesspool of snark which is.... Awards Edition Plus...

Awards Edition Plus Editorial

by Lenin Cat

The Procreation Argument on Marriage

Last week we were treated to some pretty tortured arguments in defense of "traditional marriage", which I anticipated would be taking a property rights angle. Boy was I wrong. Aside from some kooks on the amicus brief front like this self-loathing Latino bisexual with a persecution complex, it would seem the primary preoccupation was with reproduction, or at least the possibility of procreation as the basis for determining a valid marriage. Now I understand the Roman Catholic Church takes this position (when they are not taking the position that molestation is a rite of passage), but I was somewhat amused to hear this argument being used in front of the Supreme Court. So, apparently, were several of the Justices.

Look, it's really very simple. Marriage has not been sacred in this country at least since Warren G. Harding proved that marriage is not necessary for procreation. I mean, just ask Bristol Palin. You don't need a marriage to make a baby, and you don't need to make a baby to make a marriage, as Justice Kagan pointed out so eloquently when she suggested that people over 55 who get married probably aren't going to have a lot of children.

This is what the "other side" has been reduced to: ridiculous arguments that expose their opposition to marriage equality as being firmly based on the "gays are icky" factor and clearly very little else. This is rank, reactionary bigotry, and it was on display for the entire world to see.

Marriage can be a wonderful thing, with or without children. It can also be miserable, especially when children are involved. All LGBT folks want is the right to enter into a contract with one another which will ensure their future happiness and unending arguments about who's turn it is to take out the trash or dust and vacuum the bondage dungeon. It's really as simple as that. Procreation is fine, but I know very few people in this day and age who consider marriage a requirement for having a baby. Just ask all those unwed mothers in red states, they'll tell you.

--Lenin Cat

News of Dubious Veracity Department

From the Lansing, Michigan Capitol Report:

Emergency Managers in Detroit Loot Detroit Institute of Arts

Detroit. Detroit's state-appointed emergency managers have announced a plan to sell off the priceless collections of Michigan's most important museum in order to pay political expenses for GOP races in 2014, an inside source tells the Capitol Report on the condition of anonymity. "While funding from super-PACs continues to pour into the state, it is becoming increasingly difficult to use these funds for personal gain and the kinds of luxury goods Michigan Republicans tend to consider a necessary part of running for office in the Wolverine State" our source tells us. "Sale of the art will bring a much-needed infusion of cash to be used for hookers and booze as well as instigating anti-immigrant rallies, strike breaking, and race riots". Governor Snyder could not be reached for comment...

And now, without further ado, it's the Golden Douchenozzle Award Nominees. The Golden Douchenozzle Award is given periodically to political and public figures for general asshattery and rank hypocrisy. Today's nominees are:

Robert Oscar Lopez is a bisexual professor who can't get any love for his argument that same-sex marriage is a bad idea because he hates his lesbian moms. Apparently, no major news outlet is interested in his op-eds. I wonder why.

The NRA and Wayne LaPierre are strangely silent on the murder of an armed Texas prosecutor. The only people who can stop armed bad guys are armed good guys? Really? This is starting to look a lot like the arguments against gay marriage.

Right Wing Ignoramuses on the Intertoobz can't tell the difference between Hugo Chavez and Ceasar Chavez. How are we supposed to trust them with guns when they don't know which wetback to shoot?

North Dakota Governor Jack Dalrymple signed a bill essentially banning abortion in North Dakota setting up a sure challenge to Roe v. Wade. Like the thing we really need in this country are more people born in North Dakota.

Kansas Senator Pat Roberts wants to destroy SNAP in order to save it. I suggest napalm. It worked for all those villages in Viet Nam.

Michele Bachmann is at it again. There is nothing better than watching this woman run from the press with fingers in ears, shouting "Benghazi!".

Ross Douthat continues to be a douchenozzle in the pages of the New York Times defending "traditional marriage" because think of the kids. I have just one word for Ross: divorce.

So you tell us: who wins the award? The poll will give us our results.

Now on to Cheers and Jeers. What are you cheering and jeering about today? Oh, and whoever barfed in the back seat of the Lexus: it took me ten minutes to clean it up. Clean up after yourself next time, and lay off the kippered herrings, will ya?


Who wins the Golden Douchenozzle Award?

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8%7 votes

| 85 votes | Vote | Results

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