Letterman has a new segment named Stooge Of The Night.
Hey, Alan, what time is it?
Alan: “Well, Dave, it’s time for ‘Stooge of the Night!’ Tonight’s Stooge is Senator James Inhofe, Republican from Oklahoma!” Senator James Inhofe voted against an increase in background checks before the purchase of a gun. We take a long look at Senator James Inhofe. I wonder if we’ll have 39 more of these.
Hey, Alan, what time is it?
ALAN: “It’s time for ‘Stooge of the Night.’ Tonight’s ‘Stooge of the Night’ is Republican Senator Richard Burr of North Carolina.”
DAVE: North Carolina Senator Richard ‘Dick’ Burr voted ‘NO’ on gun reform legislation. Last month, Senator Burr received a $1000 donation from a British company that manufactures ammunition. Remember, there’s no background check if you want to buy a Senator.
‘Hi, I’m Richard Burr. How about you and I bang back a couple of stingers?’ It’s Richard Burr, and he’s our ‘Stooge of the Night.”
Hey, Alan, what time is it?
ALAN: “Dave, it’s time for ‘Stooge of the Night!’ Tonight's ‘Stooge of the Night’ is Republican Senator Ted Cruz of Texas."
DAVE: “Senator Cruz voted ‘NO’ on gun control reform. He recently received $14,000 in contributions from the Gun Owners of America and the National Association for Gun Rights. Senator Ted Cruz. Let’s take a nice long look at Senator Cruz. Ah, there he is, our ‘Stooge of the Night.’ How about a background check on his barber?" The shot of Cruz stays up longer than comfortable.
Alan then closes up tonight’s segment of “Stooge of the Night.”
Hey, Alan, what time is it?
ALAN: “It’s time for ‘Stooge of the Night!’ Tonight’s stooge of the night is Democratic Senator Mark Pryor of Arkansas.”
DAVE: “Senator Mark Pryor voted ‘NO’ on gun reform legislation even though as a state legislator in Arkansas he authored four gun control bills that included background checks.
‘Hi, please call me ‘Mark.’ What can I do to put you in a LeSabre?’
It’s Mark Pryor, and he is our Stooge of the Night.
Hey, Alan, what time is it?
ALAN: "Dave, it's time for 'Stooge of the Night!' Tonight's Stooge of the Night is Republican Senator Jeff Flake of Arizona!"
DAVE: "Senator Flake voted "NO" on gun-control legislation just weeks after saying, 'One thing we can all agree on is strengthening background checks' for gun buyers. Let's take another look at Jeff Flake . . . . . Good looking guy . . . . has a winning smile . . . gettin' it done! Jeff Flake: he's our Stooge of the Night." The shot of tonight's Stooge remains for quite a while.
Hey, Alan, what time is it?
ALAN: "It's time for 'Stooge of the Night!' Tonight's stooge of the night is Republican Senator Mitch McConnell of Kentucky."
DAVE: "Senate minority leader Mitch McConnell voted 'NO' on gun reform legislation despite the fact that 82% of Kentucky voters are in favor of background checks for gun buyers. 82% of his Kentucky constituents want background checks.
'Hi, I'm Mitch McConnell. Are you happy with your dental implants? Did you leave your teeth back at the office, Mitch?'
It's Mitch McConnell, and he is our 'Stooge of the Night.'"
The best was Kelly Ayotte.
It's time for Stooge of the Night! Tonight's stooge is New Hampshire Republican Senator Kelly Ayotte.
DAVE: New Hampshire Senator Kelly Ayotte voted NO on gun reform legislation despite the fact that 89% of voters in her state support background check for gun buyers. Let's take a nice long look at her.
Hi, I'm Kathy Ayotte. Can I show you a four-bed, three-bath ranch house? Priced to move? Look at the phony books behind me.
It's Kelly Ayotte, and she is our Stooge of the Night.