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I beat my mom, 79, almost bloody to go to a doctor. She had not been to a doctor for a basic check-up in almost 20 years. I harped on her 24/7. Told her I love her so much, I want her around for many more years. Just go.

Here is the fucked up thing.

She based on that visit is about to die in a hospital room for the most minor surgery possible.

Fuck, fuck, fuck!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I just got off the phone with my dad, who is about the most laid back person you'll ever find. He was screaming, yelling, and cussing. All things in my 43 years on this planet I've never heard him do. Then he said, "I don't think Mom is making it out of this place."

I thought the same thing the other day when I tried to find someplace to cry alone. She isn't getting out of this hospital alive. I didn't even know what to say.

In the last day or so I have been positive about the developments, but alas that has all gone south yet again. I hate to admit this, but I work for myself. Been years since I put on a suit. I just took all my "dark" suits to the dry cleaner. Got a feeling I am going to be wearing one to a funeral in a few days.

My only hope is my mom is a bad ass mother fucker. She has a lot of things she isn't done working with, like rape victims (her main cause). I like to think she will fight harder then anybody. Not give up. Look death in the eyes and say "fuck you."

Or so I hope ....

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