When I posted my 710.00 a month post I was inundated with advice to get food stamps. Along with less empathetic advice. Totally missing the point of the post which is the shameful way we treat those that are disabled in this society. Our lives lack so much so when I'm told I just need to cut those little conveniences like phone and internet I have to wonder with the constant pain and mental distress I'm already under if cutting those last touchstones giving me the will to live would really be a positive.
I'm literally painfully aware that Lachesis is strumming her scissors over my life string. I get extremely debilitating anxiety attacks dumping copious adrenalin into my system when I enter any bureaucratic dwelling, I can't help it, PTSD from repeated psychological abuse does that. I have throughout my life had evidence of cardio abnormalities when I have had competent medical care. And stress is not good for the cardiovascular system so the, intentionally stressful as to dissuade "freeloaders", aid system is something I fervently avoid. Except this time it came to me.
I received a phone call from what was listed as a private number. This person then said they were trying to find me and that I needed to come to their office so they could photograph me. Of course alarm bells were at this point already at cacophony levels. He continued by saying my address was at my daughters apartment, where I have never lived. And that he was told I was a male to female transgender person. Not female to male as is the case. And that the local catholic hospital system thought my social security disability should be reviewed. Found this bizarre since their ER was where my EDS was diagnosed as an adult. He also went on to explain I had "fallen through the cracks" I pointed out that I had gone to his supposed office upon moving into the apartment upon the advice of the building manager and was told to go to the family services office instead. I have gone to that office for various reasons at least four times in that two year period. Yet no one said a thing.
When I started questioning him about all of the above he hung up on me.
I went to the phone history but there was no record of the call. Trés creepy.
So I looked up the county agency he said he represented. I explained I had just recived what I presumed was a phishing phone call from someone claiming to be from their office. They then connected me after I gave them my information to Ari* who continued to insist I live in an apartment I've never resided in and that it was my responsibility to navigate their intentionally Kafkesque aid system. I pointed out I thought that was what I had been doing before deciding the stress and humiliation of outing myself as transgender repeatedly in their offices and lobby's was not worth the whopping thirty dollars a month I would eventually get.
He then insisted upon sending a food stamp application with assurances that it would not be a stressful endeavor and that he just wanted to help. He then mailed the application to my daughters apartment. The apartment I've never lived in.
So again I was forced to use the phone and called him to inform him again that was never my address, ever. And to please correct the pre-filled out form and send it to my correct address. I waited and waited, and waited. I had to call him again as mail usually travels within two days mid city. He then informed me he had put the apartment number of the woman beater down the hall on my application instead of the correct address. So now someone with a grudge against me has all they need to steal my identity . Thank you Multnomah County.
So last week he sent me a new application, this time I told him my new address at Catnip Manor. It took several days but I received the bulging envelope of forms at the correct address yesterday. Last night I settled down to complete the snowstorm of paperwork. Upon opening the envelope I find the address is for the apartment and not Catnip Manor on the forms.
So I start over again.
Now by the time I discovered my personal information was being sent willy nilly to random addresses I tried contacting the state to file a grievance. Just the misgendering alone would be enough for a response. But they again provide forms that would have to be printed and mailed at my expense instead of an online form. So I tried contacting them via the email form and was directed to call a phone number. Not helpful. I continually request text based communication due to an information processing disorder and tinnitus that is exacerbated by stress. But if you want to file a complaint the phone is the only option.
Okay I figured my next move would be to try and get an advocate someone would listen to. I contacted my House Representatives office via email where they initially tried to pass the buck by claiming having difficulty with the county is a local and not federal manner. I reminded the SNAP is a federal program thus under their aegis. They then sent me the same online grievance information I already found too onerous to navigate. So I have again requested help and expect to receive a phone number that will do me more harm than good, again.
So should I maintain my peace of mind in the hopes of making my last painful years more tolerable. Or should I continue to play these games that only serve to trigger negative thinking**?
*not his real name
**euphamism