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Please Shed A Tear for the Neocons

He's gone.

That pesky gnat on the world's butt, Malamute Imadickandajerk---or was it Imadinnerjacket?---is out of office.

Of course, I always denied his existence on the grounds that it was all an elaborate hoax by a star chamber of PNAC members and late-night comedians. But "some say" he was president of Iran for eight years, and rattled his saber in such a way that it gave America's chickenhawk brigade a simultaneous erection and insatiable urge to slap him across the face with a white glove and challenge him to a nuclear duel.

But if Ahmadogfromajunkyard did exist, Juan Cole would be the go-to guy to list the top 10 reasons to welcome his departure, including:

Fox News screen capture about Iran from August 2, 2005
Fox News August 2, 2005
2. We won’t have to have the annual wingnut hysteria when Ahmadinejad came to New York for the United Nations General Assembly meeting in September. … The annual hysteria was because the hawks wanted to configure Iran as a country with which we have been at war since the 1980s (wasn’t that when their leader Ronald Reagan stole TOW missiles from the Pentagon warehouse and sold them to Khomeini?)
Ahmygodwhatalongname was the perfect foil for Fox and their friends: the scraggly-bearded Eye of Sauron, General Zod and Lucifer (but not Darth Vader---that was always Cheney) rolled into a beige windbreaker of nasty. Oh, how they loved spitting at each other. I bet they'll miss sharing those tender moments on the common ground of uncommon hostility they enjoyed so much. Oh, and this, too, via The Daily Show circa 2007:
Jon Stewart: Ladies and gentlemen, the face of evil, the Hitler of our generation. Let's hear his terrifying words!
Clip of Ahmadinejad at Columbia University Q&A: In Iran we don't have homosexuals like in your country. In Iran we do not have this phenomenon. I do not know who has told you we have it.
Stewart: That's so interesting there are no homosexuals in Iran. Because in America there "are no homosexuals" in our conservative movement either.
We hear the guy replacing Ahmadinetcetera is more of a moderate, so Hannity & Co. may have to find a new villain. Somehow, I think they'll sink to the occasion.

As for you, Whatzyernameijahd: we hope you'll enjoy your post-presidency through a variety of go-fuck-yourself-program-related activities. Bless yer heart.

Cheers and Jeers starts below the fold... [Swoosh!!] RIGHTNOW! [Gong!!]

Cheers and Jeers for Monday, August 5, 2013

Note:  Congress isn’t in session.  Feel free to loosen your belt and twist up a fattie.


Kirobo, a Japanese robot that was sent to the International Space Station on August 3, 2013
"Oh no! Kirobo!!!
By the Numbers:
Days 'til the PGA Championship: 3
Days 'til the Ribs and R&B Music Festival in Detroit: 4
Height of the robot "Kirobo," which is going to the International Space Station to take control and destroy earth with lasers in its eyes: 13.4 inches
Favorable view of President Obama and Speaker John Boehner, respectively, in the latest Pew Research poll: 48%, 18%
Ratio by which Americans support a minimum wage of $10.10 per hour and adjusting it to inflation: 4:1
(Source: Hart Research Associates)
What -40F equals on the Celsius scale: -40C
Years during which Vermont was a country before joining the U.S. after Quebec turned it down: 14
(Source: Geico ad disguised as a Buzzfeed post)


Puppy Pic of the Day:  Farewell, Elvis the corgi.  He didn’t chase sticks, he chased slide rules…


Twister spinner
Where Bush got the
idea for the original
terror threat system.
JEERS to the chattering class.  In case you missed it, the State Department issued a travel alert because apparently al Qaeda has been all like, "Blah Blah Blah Kill the Infidels Now Blah" on their iphones and courier pigeon messages.  This comes at the same time that a couple dozen of our embassies have been closed for at least a week in the Middle East and parts north, east, south and west somewhat.  I have to say, I'm not used to having these alerts issued on a low-key, case-by-case basis by the Obama administration instead of Bush-Cheney's 24/7 color-coded terror threat system constantly reminding us that you could die anytime!  In fact, I felt so discombobulated when I heard the latest alert I instinctively wrapped myself in a Twister mat.  (Vigilance on yellow, fight-or-flight instinct on RED!!!)

CHEERS to head games.  When blog archaeologists dig this post up a thousand years from now, under supreme orders from the Flying Spaghetti Monster (praise it!), I want them to know that I, Bill in Portland Maine, correctly predicted that this event was the turning point in the recognition of our True Spiritual Leader:

Lukas Novy, from Brno in the Czech Republic, claims that his Pastafarian faith means he has to wear the sieve at all times.  
Hail, O Pastafarian!
Lukas Novy, from Brno in the Czech Republic, claims that his Pastafarian faith means he has to wear the sieve at all times.  Officials ruled that turning down Novy's request would be a breach of the country's religious equality laws.  Brno City Hall spokesman Pavel Zara explained: 'The application complies with the laws of the Czech Republic where headgear for religious or medical reasons is permitted if it does not hide the face.' Novy claims to be a member of the Church of the Flying Spaghetti Monster… Members claim to believe that an invisible alien made of spaghetti and meatballs created the universe after 'drinking heavily.'
And for being so prescient, I hope somebody in Futureville remembers to make me a saint.  Saint Billeh, they'll call me.  Billeh the Gaseous.  And for the record: I support spaghetti.

CHEERS to smart war management.  152 years ago, in 1861, President Lincoln signed into law the first federal income tax.  He felt it was fiscally responsible because we were waging a civil war.  Today tea party Republicans would tar Lincoln as a tax-and-spend liberal and hold the surrender ceremony at Appomattox hostage until he backed down and repealed it.  And after Abe got done with 'em there'd be a lot of teabaggers who wouldn't be able to sit down for a week.

Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!

This is another edition of The One Word Answer Man.  The Christian Science Monitor asks: Cross of Jesus: A piece found in Turkey?


Now back to Cheers and Jeers.

Gong!  Gong!!  BuddaBuddaBudda… GONG!!!

JEERS to stupid white men.  On August 5, 1994, Kenneth Starr, solicitor general under President George H.W. Bush, was named as independent prosecutor investigating Whitewater. His final report said virtually nothing about that non-scandal. But it did mention the word...

SEX written in the sand
...over 500 times.  Even Larry Flynt was like, "Whoa. Kenny, dude, get some help."

JEERS to nakedly prurient priorities.  Saturday afternoon I was toolin' around the internets, and I stopped at for a bit.  What I saw was a bit strange.  Their primary story---their #1 headline---in the BIG BOX at the top of their site read: "Aging nudists seek new skin as ranks dwindle."  To the right of it, in the {{{teeny tiny box}}} and lumped in with a bunch of other stories was this: "Al Qaeda threat is 'real and serious,' warns intel committee chairman."  It was like the terror threat, which caused evacuations of over twenty U.S. embassies around the world, wasn't all that important and could be minimized.  I just have one question: when did MSNBC make Condi Rice their senior editor?

CHEERS to the thrill of victory.  On August 5, 1923, Henry Sullivan became the first American to swim across the English Channel.  The feat occurred moments after someone put a plate of haggis in front of him.


Five years ago in C&J: August 5, 2008

CHEERS to seeing the forest for the smears.  Like Joe Klein and Andrea Mitchell, Newsweek's Jonathan Alter is using his soapbox to push back against the Karl Rove wing of the John McCain campaign:

Still from John McCain's 2008 Britney/Paris ad
Classy message, John.
So glad you "approved" it.
In the middle of John McCain's dopey Britney & Paris attack ad, the announcer gravely asks of Barack Obama: "Is He Ready to Lead?"  An equally good question is whether McCain is ready to lead.  For a man who will turn 72 this month, he's a surprisingly immature politician---erratic, impulsive and subject to peer pressure from the last knucklehead who offers him advice. The youthful insouciance that for many years has helped McCain charm reporters like me is now channeled into an ad that one GOP strategist labeled "juvenile," another termed "childish" and McCain's own mother called "stupid." The Obama campaign's new mantra is that McCain is "an honorable man running a dishonorable campaign."  Lame is more like it. And out of sync with the real guy. …

I misread McCain.  On the night of the 2000 South Carolina primary, I was in his hotel suite and watched Cindy weeping over what Rove and his goons did.  Her husband was plenty mad, too.  Now he's got Rove's protégé, Steve Schmidt, running his campaign.

Why do I get the feeling this election's going to end with a light saber duel in a volcano?


And just one more…

Full moon
Happy Birthday, Neil.
CHEERS to my August 5 birthday posse.  Neil Armstrong.  (Sadly, my first without him here to share the joyride.)  Director John Huston.  Loni Anderson.  Patrick Ewing.  The Elephant Man.  Kossacks "Simple," "dmb0857," "stlsophos" and "LeoDaLion."  After we swarm Denny's for our birthday discount (49 percent for me, so gimme a Bacon Slam, a Sausage Slam, a Ham Slam and a Lipitor sundae), we intend to spend the day stealing from the rich and giving to the poor.  We've got the perfect lure: a credit default swap attached to a fish hook.

P.S. Today I start my 365-day C&J "Countdown to Colonoscopy #1."  I'll be sure to include a lot of pics.  Lucky you!!!

Have a tolerable Monday.  Floor's open...What are you cheering and jeering about today?


Today's Shameless C&J Testimonial:

Plastic Surgery Doesn’t Make Bill in Portland Maine Look That Much Better, Says Study
---The Gloss


How good is your U.S. representative about holding town hall meetings during the August recess?

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